I hope you are all well. I've had abit of an emotional afternoon. I try and be positive alot as best I can but have really struggled today. It possibly doesn't help that I was night shift last night and get more emotional when I'm tired. I haven't shared my struggles with many people but a close friend said a throw away comment that me and my husband may aswell give 'IVF a go'. It probably sounds like I'm being so oversensitive... but the comment was so throw away.... as if IVF was just like trying a tablet. The stories I read on hear, the strength of you all, the emotions, the roller coaster high and lows. The psychological strength to build yourself up for the excitement but also the terrifying fear that it may not work. To invest all the money you have in the hope it may give you the thing you want more than anything in the world. To have someone say it like 'giving it a go' as if it was nothing just hurt me..... i dont know if its just me. We are at the start of our IVF journey but I feel so grateful that when I start I will have some lovely people to ask for advice and support. It really made me think that no one can know what it feels like to struggle to concieve and face the emotional and financial strain of IVF. It can be so lonely and I felt so lonely before I had found this site. It really has been like a therapy. I have so much respect for all of you ladies going through everything you have. Just needed to share xxxxxx
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Rainbow_86
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Oh Rainbow I really feel for you - some people can be so insensitive. I have days where I feel really low and if I'm honest a bit bitter that some people don't realise how tough this is or how easy they have it when they get pregnant easily and moan about pregnancy being "boring" (yep someone close to me who knows our situation said that!)
For me once we know the outcome of this good or bad I will be posting a full blow by blow account of my awful ivf journey on my fb for people to see that ivf is not any easy route. I had really bad side effects to the down reg meds and was off work for two and a half weeks as I was really low and in a dark place. On stimms I was fine (although who really wants to inject themselves each night) but then after egg collection I got mild ohss and so was off work for another 4 days in incredible pain and worrying. Then after et I had a dodgy tummy and worried it could have affected the embies. I've been through hell on this journey and obviously there's no guarantee it will work. If it doesn't I really have to consider if I can put myself through all that again.
Now my side effects will not be suffered by everyone so I hope that doesn't worry you as my friend had ivf and her only side effect was hot flushes and another one of my friends had no side effects. But for people to act like ivf is easy need to realise it's not. Even if you are lucky enough to have no side effects it's still a hugely emotionally challenging time. All I can say to you is that I think we have all been chosen as we are strong enough to go through it - maybe your friend hasn't been cursed with infertility as she wouldn't be strong enough.
Big hugs and best of luck with your journey and sorry for my mammoth rant xx
Aww thanks so much for your long reply miracle. Bless you... I'm sorry you have had such a hard time of it.... and i really hope for a smooth rest of the journey for you!!! I agree may people have no idea what IVF involves..... I would be lying if I said I wasn't abit scared, but whatever side effects I have, however hard it is, I never want to regret not doing it..... we want this so much that I'd go through anything to try..... any person who has gone through IVF deserves a medal. It surely must be one of the most emotionally hard, stressful things a person can go through.
I had to leave Facebook. I found it too hard. Some people fall pregnant so easily. I feel ashamed to say I feel angry sometimes when people take things so much for granted. I used to be so calm. I saw a lady pregnant and smoking the other day and felt like going up and telling her what was she thinking. It's hard not to feel upset when people take pregnancy and children for granted..... Though I am very lucky and grateful for what I do have as we are stuggling with secondary infertility so I know I have alot to be thankful for but my pain and ache for one more will always remain....and is a deep pain I never thought possible.
I'm always here if you ever need to rant. You sound like such a strong lady and I have every wish that you get your happy news and look forward to hearing about your BFP keep going you are doing so well!!! Xxx
I posted all about my fet journey this time around. From injections, to headaches, scans and finally the outcome. No regrets. I just hope I made at least one person think... x
Tugs girl.. I have seen and read about your journey when I started on this site. You have always provided the greatest support to others and been so welcoming.....I posted on your thread but just wanted to say again I am thinking of you. I know words can't help. But I really hope you are ok and give yourself time to heal. I send you so much love and hugs to get through xxx
I'm not ok, but I do appreciate your sentiments. Thank you so much. My heart hurts so bad. But today it's beginning to hurt my stomach too; had I not been given yesterday's news I would have had alarm bells ringing that something had gone very wrong today, I'm actually in pain now and although it's not stopping me in my tracks, it's gotten stronger as the day has worn on. I will just have to see what the hospital say in the morning.. I'm going to ask them for a stronger painkiller than paracetamol. I think I'm going to need it. Thank you for reaching out to me xx
This breaks my heart reading your words..... I can't imagine what you are going through tugsgirl... so I can't offer any advice or even any words of wisdom because I don't think any words can take it away and I can't imagine how you feel. I'm so sorry you are going through this and stuggling with pain. Definately make sure you get some more pain killers. It is hard enough for you already without being in pain aswell..
When it is all over just make sure you give yourself time to grieve, be and angry and cry. Surround yourself with loving people who can care for you. Treat yourself. If there is any justice in the world someone as kind and caring as you will have a positive result next time. You can see be the hundreds of replies you had how well thought of you are. Please take care and if you ever need to chat I am here. Sending you the biggest hugs i can xxxxxx
Bless you rainbow it's so hard when ppl just think that ivf is a simple easy fix solution but I think it's just a lack of knowledge and understanding as I think ivf must be one of the toughest journeys that we will ever have to go through and there is so much at sake that we feel very protective over our treatment as it is literally life changing. I'm sure your friend didn't mean to be insensitive but they simply can't relate to the crazy roller coaster and emotions that come with it if they haven't stepped in your shoes. I'm sure you do have it together most of the time but we are all allowed our down and emotional days unfortunately it's just part of the package, just remember that you will have better days ahead. We are all here for another and understand when things get hard and sharing on here allows you to get it off your cheast. sending you a hug big and all the luck in the world for your up coming treatment xxx
Bless nmill! Thanks so much for your kind reply..... you are right. We are all allowed our down days. I guess when you have a bad day you know you will have a good day in there in between. The best days are when I feel like I am just going on and living my life again. As alot of the time I feel so consumed by thinking about conceiving. I desperately want to get back to living my life. I avoid so many things now, no Facebook, I avoid alot of telly. I don't want to get to the point that I am so sensitive and scared of being hurt that I don't do or see anything!!! You are right about what you say about being protective..... I think it's a very personal thing. And I do know deep down people aren't trying to be insensitive..... I guess it's only when it happens to you that you know truely how it feels. Other people's comments just reflect the fact that they are not on the same journey so why would they know how it feels.......
Thank you so much for being there and taking the time to reply i wish you all the very best in your journey. You really are some of the loveliest people I have ever come across xxx
I think most of the time non ivf'ers don't have a clue what to say to us when we talk about our treatment. Its a natural instinct for them to try and "fix" things and make you feel better...especially when they are close to you.
When I get comments...of which I've had loads over the years!...I compare it to when I was single, and my smug married friends said things like "there's plenty more fish in the sea" and "you'll meet someone when you least expect it"....I could have punched there lights out but I know they were only trying to help.
Nowadays I get "well at least you can give ivf another go" (yeah cos it was that much fun the 1st time round) or "well there's more to life than having kids....you can have mine, they're a pain in the ass"...again not helpful!
I suppose what I'm saying is there are times in life where we are probably more sensitive than others (and justly so!)...we just need to remember they're only trying to help (badly haha!)...and for real sympathy and understanding, you always got us on here!
Bless you. You made me laugh about punching thier lights out..... some people do say some things which I guess in thier head is meant with the best intentions but it doesn't come across that way! It's hard to not take it personally when it means so much. I just don't want to be someone that people have to walk around eggshells with..... but at the same time I'm so sensitive, scared and upset by it all its hard not to...... the only time I feel understood is when I come to this lovely group!! I'm so protective of my husband to.... as it is male factor problems and sometimes people aren't particularly sensitive around him and it gets me so upset. I wish we could just go back to forgetting how all of this feels and get back to us ........ it makes me so sad as we used to be so care free and live for the moment people........ the impact on us has been so much more difficult that I could ever have thought.... but then I do know people who have been through so much worse and I will always be grateful for what I do have. My husband is the most amazing person I have ever known and I do know what I would have done if it wasn't for him.
I remember reading your post last time and seeing what a positive and upbeat person you are and wishing I could be more like you!! I do have better days I think today has just been one of those days. Don't think it particularly helps I'm on AF. I always find its hard to get, even though I expect it each month there's always that seed of hope that maybe it will just happen...
I appreciate your kind words of support so much. I'm always here if you need a chat and hope you get your miracle. You deserve it!!
I have had to bite my tongue at so many throw away insensitive comments, I lose track how many!! A lot of peole just don't think and a lot are the smug mums that have no idea what this feels like!!sorry your friend upset u xxx
Aww bless you. It's so hard isn't it. Is hard not to come across as over sensitive. I bite my tounge and then just cry behind closed doors. It is so valuable to come here and talk. As it's like being around people who truely understand!! If I could come and live inside this forum I would lol!! But I guess when people haven't been though it, they just don't realise how much it hurts.
I'm sorry you have had to listen to so many comments. I'm always here if you need to chat!!
Big hugs to you and lots of success on your journey xxxx
Hi Rainbow_86 you've definitely done the right thing coming here for support, I don't know what I'd have done without it this past year or more. Some people can be so flippant and it's a hard lesson to learn (but one we do learn pretty swiftly 😕) that those who haven't been through this will never get it, it still frustrates me though because even if you haven't been through it and realise how tough it can be, surely it's obvious that it's a very hard thing to go through and to be a little sensitive to those who are, it's not rocket science!! 😩
I don't think you're being too sensitive, but you can't help but be more emotional because it's just so darn tough and such a huge thing to face. You'll definitely have up & down days but you'll always have the support on here. So much luck to you xxx
Hi Georgia thanks so much for your kind reply.....It really does help to pick me up on a down day.
I saw a little about your journey and your strength is amazing. We are just at the start of ours.....and i have learnt so much about our journey ahead from this wonderful site.
You are right. People can be flippant and dismiss your problems quite quickly. It's always the same just 'relax' 'it will happen' or saying 'you can always adopt' which is something we are considering but it doesn't take away the current pain of what you are feeling. Some people on the other hand can be very supportive. But I tend to hold my cards close to my chest. We haven't told that many people but after some responses which had felt quite hurtful. We know people haven't meant to be hurtful, but it's clear people don't seem to understand the extent of the pain that we are feeling. I wish I could process it better but unfortunately it's just been the hardest news we've ever had to recieve and have struggled ever since we knew that there was a problem.
I wish you the best of luck and I am always here if you every need a chat
'Like trying a tablet'... Yes!!! I've had this a few times like 'oh you're trying that are you? You may as well...'
There's always times for me where I'm more sensitive to this type of comment and times where it's water off a ducks back, you'll probably find the same on your journey! Best advice I can give would be when you're feeling like that just try to stay focused on your own journey, as it's the only one you can influence. Anything else is a waste of your precious energy 👌
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