Game over for me

[Phoenix200]

Hello my baby making worriers. My spotting ( very typical just before my period) started last night (9dp). So I caved and tested this morning and it was negative.

This cycle was our second and final cycle with NHS and given that I can’t afford going private this was it. Now I know I have to deal with it. The anxiety is making me feel sick. I feel sad and tearful. I feel worthless… feeling that my body had failed.

I just feel like I want to hide from everyone and everything. I only told couple of people about the ivf journey which in my case is relief.

I didn’t tell my family as I knew they would just say things that would just irritate me and mum would’ve made it all about herself (being worried and …). So you’re my true friends who helped me throughout this journey. Thank you for all you support and wish you best of luck.xx

[FrancyItaly]

I am so sorry to read this 😞 but I hope and pray that you will have a nice surprise one day soon, you deserve it 💕🌈

[Phoenix200 in reply to FrancyItaly]

Thank you. I really hope everything goes well for you ❤️

[XOXO13]

I’m so sorry to read this 💔 If you’re bleeding before OTD then you may need more progesterone - I know you’ve said that’s it for your treatment, but It may be something you can explore with your GP?

I pray that things also work out for you, that a little surprise will come your way.

Sending big hugs 💜 xxx

[Phoenix200 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you my lovely. I have been on progesterone injections twice a day. I know I’m going to sound really depressed but I just rather draw line at this point and accept that it’s not going to happen than having false hopes. Eve though I had 8 eggs in both cycles only one of them fertilised (first one naturally and second time using icsi) so I know the odds are very against me.

[XOXO13 in reply to Phoenix200]

I’m so sorry, you’ve had a really tough run at it and this whole process is just so unfair and so overwhelming. Right now it’s very raw, so take some time to heal. It may be worth taking to someone if you feel you may need some help to process it all.

I don’t know your full history, and therefore I don’t know your reasons for IVF and whether trying naturally is out of the question, but if after some time away, you feel ready to explore other options then don’t rule them out. There is a lot of support you can hopefully try to unlock, from your GP to books with recommendations to open webinars around fertility etc.,

I may be overstepping the mark with the above but it just makes me sad that you’re in this position and I wish I could help in some way.

Sending you a big hug xxx

[Redsequin]

I'm so so sorry you're going through this, lovely. Infertility is such an awful experience, and IVF can be so all-consuming and then devastating when it doesn't work.

It sounds like you've had really bad luck, and I just wanted to say that even though you may feel worthless I can promise you you're not. Infertility doesn't say anything about who you are as a person. If anything, when I meet someone going through infertility I can be confident they're emotionally stronger and more empathetic than 90 percent of the population.

Anyway, I hope you can take some time to focus on yourself. Do the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled and put yourself first while you recover from this. You deserve all the lovely things!

Hugs xxx

[Hoping20]

I am really sorry you are going through this. A failed IVF cycle is really devastating. The first few days are always really hard and raw, so please try to take extra care of yourself. Take each day as it comes. I hope you can lean on someone for support when you feel ready to do so. In the meantime, hide away and focus on you. Take care x

[ClaireB24]

Oh Phoenix I’m so sorry to read this. As the others have said, it’s just the worst feeling especially in those early days. Please look after yourself and I really hope you find a way to motherhood xxx

[HollieW]

I am so sorry to read this. I think my transfer has failed and I know how devastating it can be. I have barely told anyone about our IVF too as it is too hard when it doesn't work. Wish you luck in whatever your next steps are x

[JudithSS]

I’m so so sorry darling! There’s nothing like the pain of a failed transfer. Look after your self and take one day at a time, all of your feelings are valid xx

[Corchi]

Just wanted to send a virtual hug, courage and deep breaths your way. We all understand you. Keep a little light on somewhere in the background! Sometimes it just happens out of the blue by itself. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[Trying00]

My heart goes out to you my darling, and am sending you lots of hugs. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and don’t feel like you have to deal with everything all at once. Just focus on today and taking time to heal your body after all it’s been through. Most NHS clinic offer at least one free counselling session, take them up on it. Take care of yourself and know that there are so many women here who are going through the same thing, always here for you xxx

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry Phoenix, it is so unfair!I hope you will get you miracle baby by a surprise.

Wish you lot of luck and sending you virtual 🫂

[Applepie7]

I feel so sad reading this I hope one day you by Gods grace you are blessed with a a lovely nice surprise.

[HollyLI]

I’m so sorry … I’m not in Uk and have different circumstances.. it took 10 rounds for me to get my daughter ..so I still understand deviation for first 9 rounds .. I believe what did make it work was being put on vitimins COQ10 and DHEA.. try taking them at least.

[Twiglet2]

I’m so sorry about your result and it’s so rubbish that it’s something so difficult that we can’t share with people for so many reasons! Take time to grieve and be kind to yourself and if you ever need anything going forward we are always here 🤗💜 xx