Well what can I say it's been a very emotional week. This whole infertility thing has tested me like I'm sure it does most people beyond limits. My mum died 3 and a half years ago and although I'm 36 this process is making me miss her so much. I was so close to her! This week I've spoken to my auntie who is amazing but nicely said to me well if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't! I've also had one of my friends happily tell me all about one of the girls in the office having a little baby boy I got to hear all the happy details. I was thinking please be quiet! I'm honestly happy for them but... this has been in a week which we have been trying to chase my OH's blood test results being told a 101 different things. He is due to have a procedure on Wednesday.
Anyway tonight I've come home to a letter confirming the procesure on wednesday. My gran and grandad both died within a couple of weeks of each other this year. We are using their money to fund the IVF and the procedure will be done on my grandads birthday!
I ended up crying and screaming at my OH saying I felt so alone. I should have been happy things are eventually moving. However I also said there was no way this could work with my frame of mind. My OH got the full brunt of this. Bless him seems to be coping with things a million times better than me to a point where I sometimes feels he doesn't care. I know he does really!
I honestly thought that I was going insane! So angry and irrational! However after a good cry I feel a lot more positive. Let's hope my guardian angels are looking over us.
Sorry for the long post but I just needed to vent it really does seem that people just don't get it. I'm not sure I understand such a huge range of emotions let alone expect others too. However it's apparent I needed to rant and thought I would use this forum.
I wish all you lovely ladies a good and lucky weekend xxx