So we had our post-cycle appointment done. I had to wait almost 1 and half hours before the consultant could finally see us, but it was worth the wait. She said a few things that were upsetting: we are unlikley to ever get pregnant naturally (although she did say never say never), our embryo development is not something they can do much about (apparently medical science is just not advanced enough to alter embryos yet!), I did produce a lot of immature eggs and she would like to see a lot more mature ones. Our one 5 day blastocyst was not good quality and our other 3 day embies were slow in developing. There is no conceivable reason why.
But the good thing she said was: DEFINITELY TRY AGAIN! She was very very sure about this. She said it was really worth us trying a second cycle. She said we were young and healthy. She said I produced 15 mature eggs and ICSI did work well for us in initial fertilisation. My husband's sperm is perfect and she said that with a new cycle (which I can start anytime now since af has visited me twice already) she can definitely adjust my drugs to ensure I produce more matured eggs and possibly increase our chances. She was positive and laughing and she was lovely about the whole private funding issue (our one allowed NHS cycle is used up, so now we must save our moolah). She was very angry about the post code lottery and she was really supportive in her advice.
She told me to keep my left over drugs and gave me a timeline for treatment and encouraged us to rest and be ready to try again. So actually it was all super positive.
And another upside of this is that I will never have to worry about contraceptive ever again since getting pregnant naturally is pretty unlikely!
Naturally I went for a walk afterwards with my husband and cried in the street in central London (always a fun thing to do in public), but after a chat and some fresh air and some lunch, I am now back at work this afternoon and feeling pretty good.
We are now going to examine our savings, think about dates and decide when we are going to embark on round 2! Suddenly I am feeling cautiously optimistic again!