I have a team of over 40 people in my job. As the Director, it's often I am key to bringing the team together for events such as secret santa and other festive celebrations. The last one was Easter... and if you don't know... was also when a member of my team (who knows about my Donor Egg IVF) was handing out Easter Eggs to the team asked while looking directly at me "Does anyone not have any eggs" - Oh the horror on his face!
We don't have lots of office gatherings but today one of my team is leaving for maternity leave. As soon as I saw the balloons and the cake and the gifts I just burst in to tears. "Get a grip" I told myself. "You've seen this hundreds of times!" I repeated. I've spent years being sad on the inside that someone is having a baby while beaming with smiles on the outside. I just needed to calm down.
So I did. Until the gathering to give the cake and gift happened. This was hard work. Why is this hard work?! I can do cake and gifts. So off I tottered to the gathering. To be greeted with "Ah, you're here. The gift is there. Thanks for saying a few words about her leaving to have a baby."
ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME?! My entire body had to muster a strength within which I've never had to find at work. And over 60 people are staring at me waiting for me to say something. I have no idea where I got the strength from to talk about how excited she must be to bring a "new little bundle of joy home".
I've said it before ladies and gents. We're strong. We're stronger than we think. I don't know where I'm going with this. But I don't really want to go home and say "I cried again today" and I'll be home late... I'll have no energy by then!