Mini IVF - not real, just feel meh.

[Mantaray75]

Its been a weird week. What should have been my due date was last week which was obviously an emotional time. Its hard to read about people on here who got their BFP at around the same time and have now had their babies.

What could distract me is that we're in the middle of a cycle. It doesn't feel like it. With no injections (I'm on high dose clomid instead) it wasn't until my scan yesterday where we saw a decent number of follicles that we thought, oh crap, we're doing IVF again.

Can't get my head around we might be going for EC this week. Unfortunately we're gonna have to fly there but can't book tickets until we know a date.

Can't help but think it won't work especially after the consultant pretty much said my eggs are rubbish and we should consider donation. This cycle I've taken some supplements but haven't completely stopped caffeine or alcohol. The cycle where I did everything right including acupuncture ended in a BFN.

Its funny how you're so psyched for some cycles and others just pass by in a bit of a haze.

[emu2016]

Gosh; arranging flights must be a nightmare on top of everything! Don't beat yourself up about being 'meh' it could be a sign that you're not letting it take over your life and panicking/worrying every two seconds.

Good luck, try to do some nice things and remember why you're both doing this. Hard I know but the nerves for EC and the reality is probably only just kicking in xx

[Mantaray75 in reply to emu2016]

I still can't stop thinking about it all but just drifting on thru the treatment process.

Having the extra stress about trying to sort flights and accomodation for EC is a hassle I could do without but we decided to change clinics.

Thanks for your support. X

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I know some people say mindset is everything but I really don't believe it. It's a matter of science, and whilst there are eggs there is hope. So I don't think it matters that you've not quite taken in that you're doing Ivf again, as long as you still want to go through with it. Good luck with it all xx

[Mantaray75 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I am very scientific about it but that's probably because I'm a doctor. Sometimes it's worse knowing too much.

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Mantaray75]

I can appreciate that. But be kind to yourself. Xx

[Hidden]

I think it's gets to a stage where we also want to protect ourselves in advance and prepare ourselves for the worse so dont feel bad I think it's all perfectly normal to feel this way. On the plus side you have a decent number of follicles and it just takes the one egg, doctors have no idea of the quality of the eggs until they do the ec so at the moment your in with a chance, wishing you all the best xxx

[Mantaray75 in reply to Hidden]

That's for your support. We have a pretty good idea my eggs are no good. I have very high oestrogen levels for the number of eggs I get which then consultant told us recently is a reflection of egg quality. We did get pregnant on round 2 so I'm hopeful we can do it again. X

[MonkAK]

Hi Mantarey, it sounds to me like you are just much more relaxed and less stressed out about this cycle which is exactly where you want to be. I think stress has much more of an impact than the odd bit of alcohol or caffeine or not keeping to a strict diet, so please don't worry. Like nmill said, it only takes one egg and it all sounds promising with your follicle count - I think letting it pass you by in a haze and not spending too much time worrying and analysing as a result is a good thing - and definitely let your other half organise the flights! I'm wishing you all the best and have everything crossed for you. Xx

[Tugsgirl]

I did everything right the first cycle and I was absolutely miserable! Bfn. Second cycle (although I didn't drink after transfer or have caffeine) I was much more relaxed about the "rules" and got a bfp. X

[skatty]

Good luck this week. Sounds like you're responding well in terms of numbers to the clomid. Did you always respond well? In intrigued - is the idea to support quality by doing mini-ivf? I'm sure you must have done lots of research and therefore it's hard to switch your brain off, isn't it? I'm the same... Just really rooting for you and hope in some ways that getting on the plane creates a mental space for you to relax and have a change of scene. The more I go on the less I think it matters your state of mind in terms of outcome x

[Mantaray75 in reply to skatty]

Trying to be positive keeps you sane but at the end of the day a lot of it is luck.

I've always had a crazy response. My oestrogen gets really high (was 20,000) before one EC but I don't get so many eggs for the number of follicles. The last consultant I saw says that this often means the eggs aren't good quality.

Apparently you body is able to recruit better quality eggs than drugs and clomid allows this. Last time on full IVF I only had 6 follicles and only 2 eggs collected.

x

[skatty in reply to Mantaray75]

Very interesting. Do you have some hope you'll get more than the 2 and better quality then? Was your clinic happy to change protocol or did you move? Sorry to bombard you with questions but I guess it helps me understand as I feel I'm in a similar position with high numbers but big dropoff in embryo quality... Hope you're able to get a bit of sun exposure today x

[Mantaray75]

I'm hoping the quality is better but who knows. I only expected 1 or 2 follicles. My AMH is actually really good for my age. The consultant I'm under now had data from 3 cycles to look at. She said she has had some women in my position who have had success with clomid.

My local clinic isn't the most advanced so I decided to go with the bigger clinic with a consultant with more experience. Its the same company, but each clinic does things slightly differently. My old consultant was fine with me trying somewhere else and I'm still having all my scans with her at the moment.

What numbers are you getting? On my 2nd round I had 20 follicles, got 8 eggs, 4 fertilised and 1 made it to blastocyst. The consultant at the time said those numbers were normal for my age. Last time I had 6 follicles, got 2 eggs which both fertilised. Each time my oestrogen has been way higher than you would expect.

[Cinderella5]

Hey Mantaray75 ! Wanted to wish you lots of luck for your cycle! Hopefully you'll get your dates through soon so you can book those flights! Its always so scary the thought of doing this all over again!xx