4dp5dt feeling down !

This is our last round of icsi and I am petrified of my otd arriving and POAS. I found the 2nd week of my last 2ww the hardest but this time I'm struggling already to be positive. 

I have 2 embies on board 1 blast and 1 early blastocyst  I have had no symptoms other than feeling a but achy like af is due to arrive but I know that just the pessaries and my body recovering. I am 4dp5dt today and I have woken up with a headache from hell. ! 

Why is it so hard to achieve the 1 thing that comes naturally and so easily to everybody else! Feeling really low today no matter how hard it try to be positive it's always at the back of mind. That yet again we will have no luck on our side. 

Sorry for the essay just wanted to have a rant and get it off my chest because not many people know what I am going through and can't vent to anybody. Don't want to bring my hubby's positive vibes down so trying to keep it to myself but he know I'm not myself. 

8 Replies

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  • Awww big hugs, your allowed to feel down you have been through a lot both mentally and physically. Be kind to yourself and keep believing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

  • Daydreamer, it's like I wrote this post myself! So at least we know know there are at least a two of us feeling like this :-) 

    I''m 7dp5dt and yesterday I had a terrible day and couldn't get myself in a positive place at all. I cried loads and was/am sure it's all over for me. I've not bleed or had spotting nor any symptoms that aren't in line with the progesterone pessaries that I'm taking. I'm getting really bad stomach pains both yesterday and today - don't know if from pessaries/fake hormone or from bit of constipation. Either way, I feel rough. 

    We haven't told any family or friends about this as it's our one and only IVF attempt and I don't think I could cope with everyone asking how I am or how it went. I found it hard enough feeling like no-one understood my grief after my miscarriage last year so know that I won't get them to understand that I'll go through a grief-like feeling if this IVF doesn't work. 

    I'm trying to be positive and was feeling positive up until yesterday but just don't feel it anymore. My chap is being so positive and always responds back with something happy and hopeful when I try and say that I'm feeling bad vibes. He has looked up that the pessaries can cause so many symptoms and tummy pains etc that he's sure it's that. Headaches are a symptom of pessaries and pregnancy, as I'm sure you know, so I'm sure that's mucking up your head! Sorry, just wish we could know earlier.

    When will you be due your test? I'm due to test Sunday but we are away on a family visit so may have to leave it till the Monday. 

    Feel free to let off steam on here and thanks for letting me know that I'm not mad for feeling the same :-) 

  • Twistedwillow  I know it's probably natural for us ladies in the same situation but to others (my family) deep down they haven't got the slightest idea what to say to me . Everyday I am asked how am I feeling which is also getting to me because it makes me realise that actually I don't feel much and concerns me that this time time seem like I got a sticky one board. My test day isn't untill 7th may which seems absolutly ages away , how I am going to wait that long I will never know. 

    Thank you for posting because even though we both feel rubbish atm it's kind of comforting that we are not the only one. How many embies did you have transfered ? Xx 

  • I have one friend (who lives the other side of the world from me) who has infertility problems too but otherwise we are on our own as far as I know. I'm nearly 40 so have actually lost (some deliberately and some just because it was hard watching them have families growing) many of my friends over the years. My mum loves and cares immensely but can never understand cos she had a child (me) and always seems to say the wrong thing, plus I feel bad talking to her as it upsets her to see me so sad/angry/frustrated etc over the last 20 years. 

    It was our first and only IVF attempt and due to my low egg count, our stats from IVF doctor were low possibility but we hope. My egg collection went better than expected, his sperm was excellent (as expected, and our 10 follicles all fertilised. We were amazed and couldn't believe how lucky we were. Sadly over the five days, only one got to blast 4BA and the other was pre-blast (sounds like yours!) but none of the others were blast so none were frozen. So two were transferred.

    I felt sharp pains days 1 and 3 past transfer but then nothing until yesterday when it's got really painful in my lower stomach, like my AF would be starting if it wasn't for the pessaries. 

  • Sounds very similar to me hun. It sucks.and can't help but feel annoyed that why has it got to be us that get the short straw. I'm trying to stay positive but that lasts all of 10 minutes then the negatives start again 🙈 lol I know what u mean with you mum , my mum is the same she is taking this alot worst than me if I'm honest. Which in turn breaks my heart heart that we are causing her so much stress and sadness. Fingers crossed that we both get what we want this time 😚 xx

  • I've had three 2 wws sadly all ended with BFNs and nothing to freeze. I found the waiting hard especially on round 3 as it was our final go. I knew I couldn't face any more goes plus we were self funding.

    Hopefully you'll get that BFP, don't beat yourself up about feeling low. It's such as stressful process and difficult for others to understand how we react and feel during it.  

  • I feel you hon just wrote a big old essay myself.  This is a hard journey all the constant waiting and watching and emotional rollacoasters it has you in.  Never sure whether you are coming or going but you know where you are trying to get.

    As hard as it is try to be Paitient and positive ( not what I just said in my post) I have been where you are and luckily got my BFP, but the journey never ends its gets harder and you have to find more strength.

    Massive hugs to you xxx

  • Thank you Tamtam1 hopefully today is just a bad day and tomorrow will a bit more positive. I am exhausted today can't wait to go to bed and start afresh tomorrow:) congratulations on your BFP wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy,   you deserve it lovely xxx

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