What do you think about getting psychological help?

I am going to make it clear.. Well, clearer than it sounds right now..

Has anyone of you been to a psychiatrist while getting treatment? Is this necessary? I've recently got ina fight with my husband (he did nothing wrong it was done on emotion) and he said that I should get some help. he was not trying to be rude or anything I know that he said that because he does not want me to be in pain whether it is emotional or physical... but I have never thought about it... I was completely fine with my regular tantrums... I was fine with feeling sorry for everyone who's always aroound me.

But fertility treatment is a b*tch. And infertility is a bigger one. It can't be used as an excuse at all but... it is kind of an explanation right??

well, the question is still open. Do you think that it is even effective??

Thank you.

54 Replies

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  • I do not see anything bad about this and from what you've written I can judge that you have had a bit or uneasy time... well, that's understandable, you are undergoing or about to undergo fertility treatment thus it should be obvious that you do not feel quite normal. I felt very strange even though I went for surrogacy...

    and if you think that going to psychologist might help you, you should go then i think

  • yes, these months and even years it was not easy for me at all. I admit that I am here at fault that everyone around me has been dealing with such an awful behavior of mine..

    I am not yet undergoing but I am about though. we're planning to go for ivf ed. well, planning is not the best wording here

    I am thinking about it as of a definite possibility

    I am just afraid of wasting my money on something that could be of no help

  • it is not easy for anyone really...

    and there is nothing to be ashamed of at all, you should not think that you're at fault here but rather that there's an explanation for your actions and feelings. you cannot be that cheerful when you're not perfectly fine physically, it is obvious that when your body does not work properly, your emotions are getting twisted and you are getting a bit sicker than you would've been if your body was perfectly fine. hormones and stuff

    welp, being afraid is no help, you should know that such an attitude is your worst enemy.

  • Thank you for your support, I think that by starting moving up and doing at least something. I think that this is what impasse's influence looks like. I really feel like there's nothing to do, but I have been to a doctor and was advised to go to fertility center because my condition is pretty straightforward.

    x

  • well, this is no news to us, other women who've been through this consultation with the doctor when we have been told the verdict. even though for some of us it was no surprise...

    I hope that your future is bright and full of hope!

  • Hello! I think if you have a possibility to go there, you should go. I think it never be needless. You are very emotional, it can be seen even by your way of expressing in this post.

    There's nothing wrong in consultation with psychologist.

    Struggling with all these infertility issues we're going through many unpleasant things, it all makes us irritative, angry and nervous. Sometimes it is hard to manage all these feelings by ourselves. It would be better if a specilist can help us to cope with this. So my answer is 'yes'. I think it's effective.

    If I have such opportunity one day, I would have started my treatment much earlier.

  • do you think so?? I am not sure if it is helpful even, ahve you had a psychological help before? how does it go?

    yes, I am very irritated and sometimes I feel like I turn in some kind of a beast. But it is wrong... I feel like I am using my situation to snap on everyone.

    thanks anyways

  • I developed some anger issues through my journey at times too it was my frustration and disappointment. I knew i was turning in to someone I didn't like. I channeled that in to excercise and it really helped me. I had friends who I occasionally could cry on the shoulder of at I got through it but I think a counsellor is a good idea too. Nothing can hurt from off loading some of your upset and trying to find coping methods to keep going. All the best x

  • thank you!

    exercise sounds good too, I might take it into account as well. I really want to get rid of my negative emotions and negative mindset overall and I think that even though doing sport is a good idea, those thoughts will be back the day I decide to lay down and have some rest or for example while on the treatment. I do not know but I think that you won't have time and opportunities to do sports while in the middle of ivf, will you? is it even safe?

  • I have never had ivf so I can't comment on that tbh I guess you will have to ask your consultant. I believed that getting mind and body in sink was the healthiest way for me to progress for myself and with exercise I got myself back and felt good. Now I'm pregnant I'm still training just dialling back the intensity and reducing the impact, some ladies continue to run as before though so I think it's a good thing at any stage. Power of the mind is so important too and we are all on here needing help in different ways. Look after yourself in whatever way it takes. You can do it, it's ok to not always feel positive and have doubts, we are only human xx

  • yeah I've read that you have to stop intensive workouts and go for something a bit lighter when you're talking pills and undergoing ivf treatment. and even when you feel like lying down you should as it is the perfect time to listen to your body and do what you feel is the best.

    Happy for your pregnancy and wishing you the best, I suppose that the challenges of ivf won't end with your positive result but will continue and increase with every other step you're doing towards your future. and eventually you will meet the greatest challenge of them all - motherhood and nothing will seem better than that.

    I feel better right now as I have opened up before my man and my family and I have received a huge amount of support not only here but in real life too. thank you so much!

  • I didn't have psychological help, but I wish I could have one.

    I had to cope with my issues by myself and with my hasband, who always stayed strong inspite of my inability to think rational in the worst period of my life. You know that after some failures you begin to think only about yourself, focusing on your feelings. And we forgot about our halves.

    Put yourself into your husband's position, and you will understand that sometimes he doesn't know what to say, he is in a rage that he cannot help you and he must always support you... and never let himself to cry or be weak...I'm trying to say that they bear a heavy burden while beign by our side.

    Sorry for such a long thought....I just want to say that sometimes we don't realize that we need a psychological help.

  • indeed we forget about our beloved ones when we're in the darkest places of our minds.

    sad that we're like that but it takes a lot of work to change oneself and I expect and hope that I can become a better human being not only for the sake of my husband and my parents and friends but for the sake of my baby if God will allow me having one.

  • It's going to be effective if you really want it to be helpful!

    if you want to get better and the people around you to feel better too then I would tell you to go. But the only person that is here to make a choice is you!

  • oh I have heard of this. I think that you're right that I must believe in the effectiveness of the treatment but how does it work? like I cannot just become that positive I am not that cheerful of a person at all.

    everyone says that I should go

    should I really?

  • well, at least I know that one of the managers at my clinic has psychological education and she always says that you should stay positive and never think that it won't work or something. at least it'd boost your mood and with the great mood and mindset, there's always higher chances of "winning", right?

    I am so sad she's not my manager though.. she's so nice and calm, I like her a lot.

    go only if you want so! do not really listen to us but as i have sad such things work only if you let them work!

  • did you get a psychologist session in your clinic too? was your manager your psychologist or trainer or something?

    anyways, I find her words very logical but at the same time they are what you expect to hear from anyone, stay positive and relaxed what if I cannot stay positive what if I sometimes I turn into Hulk and want to crush everything that's in my way?

  • After all I agree with @godknowseverything! you shouldn't force yourself doing it!

  • but is not it right in this situation? like in the situation of my mental breakdown.

  • I don't know, honey! You need to decide what you want. If you want some help go to consult a specialist. We can support you here and advice relying only on our experience, you are the one who knows what is better for you.

  • I have decided to go for it. Not right now (as obviously it took me too long to even start considering it as an option) but later on when I am fully prepared for the future treatment and know what I'm going to do.

    I guess it is true that this is only up to me as no one actually knows me better but I had a talk to my man and he understood me and my concerns and helped me a lot with his advice and I felt like he knows what I am going through and does not think that I am a monster like I do…

  • Hi heideggerswife

    of course.. fertility issues never leave you feeling indifferent and calm. It's always hard to realize you have problems there and come to terms with it.. that's why it's vitally important to have people to support you.. You may try to distract somehow or have a rest, talk to somebody..and you'll get some positive feelings that way. I'm not a psychologist but that's what works for me in the situation. However, if visiting the psychologist would make you feel less nervous and cope with the problem.. why not then.. Go ahead and talk to one xx

  • but I am not that sure that it will help....

  • Though it won't make any harm either.. and at least you'll get someone aside to talk out the problem. Wish you luck with that. Be strong there dear and think more about your future baby and its health x

  • Thank you!!! You all are amazing, I thought that I would be alone here too as I am in my thoughts. this is so touching that you're keep coming here and leaving your replies!

    thank you again

    I think that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to getting helped but it needs a lot of courage. even more, than ivf requires

  • You are welcome dear.. I think that's very good you are sharing your problems here. Actually all the ladies are here to help and support each other. So you hardly ever may feel alone when you post on the forum. Besides most of women here are quite knowledgeable and ready to share their experiences and often give very useful advice. You may even not need a psychologist but have a few friends on such a forum to talk to .. for me it worked better than any psychologist.... By the way what about the psychologist in the clinic you deal with? Haven't you asked if they have any? Most of them do have.. Just give it a try x

  • thank you! I fee very good thanks to you!

    I did not expect so many of you to undergo psychological help I was expecting to meet some disregard or something. I wasn't feeling it myself that this is a good idea at all. but turns out I have been very and very stupid :)

  • I could have written this post!! But I'm scared of getting serious professional help - in case I need to adopt. IVF counsellor at the clinic really wasn't that helpful tbh. I just want to throw out an alternative suggestion that has helped me by bypassing the rational - hypnotherapy. I've only done a few sessions and not for a while but it connected with inner issues that I needed to face, but in a way in which was relaxed and not too cerebral. Have you thought about that?

  • No, actually, I haven't... I now have a handful of ideas that I haven't even imagined existing before.

    Was it that helpful?

    I cannot think that going to a psychologist would be anyhow relaxing...

  • Yes, I think it was helpful for me - and the hypnotherapist I used was trained in the 'fertile body' method - but she deals with a lot of cognitive therapy/ mind training stuff so we had some good conversations about that... I think it's worth exploring, and it may not be relaxing per se but at least therapeutic in getting me (at least) to delve in to some underlying fears that I could then face and to some extent move on a little from... Good luck with everything PS Here's her link hypnotherapy-directory.org.... but there are many others out there and maybe she could recommend someone closer to you x

  • Thank you for your advice. I might consider this but the moment I wrote here and started reading your replies I felt easier. a lot easier. I asked my clinic but unfortunately they do not have this option yet as other clinics but I guess I still can go to a psychiatrist and it won't be that expensive. I hope. I am sure that without having a proper mindset I won't have any chance of getting pregnant. My consultant at the clinic told me that if I am not sure I need to stop bc nothing will work out.

    Thanks for the link! Do you think that it is as helpful to get help by skype as it is in person?

  • It could be comfortable for you cause you can sit on your home chair and be surrounded with a familiar stuff that makes you feel relaxing and have a chat with a specialist.

    Sure it has advantages but Skype does not offer a privacy policy, so your conversation can get in public. and what if the internet turns off while you are having an emotional conversation. I think it's better to use a good old way of visiting and talking!

  • oh my god! I did not think about that at all.... whoosh, it can get in public esp there are higher risks of it... well, there are pluses and minuses to too..

    yeah, I can agree with you.. although you know what I feel like my own struggles are no interest to those who cannot understand fertility or infertility

    but I agree with you for 100 percent

  • and you should be ready for a prolonged period of therapy as the improvement does not always happen quickly. it depends on your emotional state I guess. so it can take a month or months...or even years for someone

  • that's why I should be very careful choosing the therapist because this is going to be a person that will be my helping hand for a while. I know that some go to a specialist for their whole life.

  • I think you're right to seek help for sure and I second what victory75 says and go for in person if you can - I also relate much better to a real face... And also I think you are able to put yourself in a neutral, undisturbed place much easier than from home. Of course, it depends on how far you'd have to travel to get face-to-face support.

  • I understand, I just heard from a friend that there is an option of talking via skype like when you have no time or your own psychologist lives in another city or even country

    I'd rather stay in my home town and find someone closer to me than go far away obviously.

  • Everything was fine for me, then it just wasn't.

    I went to my GP would referred me to a psychologist but at their meeting held by the mental health team they decided I didn't need one. They gave me the number to contact a specialist midwife grief counsellor (who is also specialised in infertility counselling) and a stress control group. I did get a bit annoyed about being advised to go to a stress control class.

    My counselling starts tomorrow. So glad I took the first step of getting help. Just getting it off my chest at the first app even helped.

  • I am very proud of you! You are doing a great job by accepting the treatment and that you need to see a specialist too. I haven't thought about going to a stress control group, I haven't heard of such a thing before but it is very obvious when you start thinking about it.

    I wish you the best of luck!

    PS if you want it'd be so nice if you left here and update...

  • Probably look for a psychologist or a counsellor rather than a psychiatrist. And consider that maybe your husband might also benefit... infertility affects both of you and your relationship too.

    If you go for ivf, your clinic will probably offer a limited number of sessions for you both, which would be a good way to wed if it will help you.

    If you try it and don't like it it don't think it will help, you can always stop again!

  • *see not wed!!

  • yeah, I think that I just need someone to listen to me and I do not want to force my husband to do so because he's already suffering from my abusive attitude. I know that it sounds harsh but I do not want to go easy on myself. I want to face the reality and the truth.

    Thank you....

  • You can try if you want! It would be better to consult psycologict together with your husband! Where are you in your treatment? What is exactly the reason of your irritancy?

  • but I do not think he needs help at all

    he is a God of calmness. I do not really know why he even stays with me after all of that we've been through..

    I have not yet signed the contract but I am planning though

    I do not know like sometimes it's just someone do not understand my words for a minute or two, or I cannot cut vegetables properly etc. all of those small things that won't make a crisis for other normal people

  • You said one right thing in your posting that infertility is a b*tch. It is true but we're here to fight here and prove that we, humans, are a lot stronger than we think. And you are too, of course, you should stop "harassing" people around you, or offending anyone just because you feel bad and, even though I am not an adviser here, but I just think that if you have thought of visiting a specialist may be you should go for it? Maybe just try it and see how it works, there's a high chance that you may stick with it after you've been to the initial consultation, first time.

  • well. I am not harassing them, I hope.... but you are right

    I was thinking about it too. like the very idea of it is pushing me to go forward and sign up for the initial consultation.

    I just think that it is going to be a very emotional decision. and it is not right.

  • Hello, beautiful lady! Sorry for just assuming that you were that rude to your partner of life... Your post made me think that the actual situation was not under anyone's control... I hope that for now, you are doing better! Have you decided on going to the psychologist? Or will you even try?

    it is a very emotional decision, you are right. It is not like you can take it by the minute and be forever satisfied with what you have chosen.

  • I saw a counsellor (provided by my clinic) while i was having treatment the third time as we had a failed fertilisation and a miscarriage with the first two goes and it really messed me up. I found it helped just to talk to someone and let it all out, hear someone tell me i wasn't losing the plot or myself in this hard journey. Once i got pregnant and was discharged by the clinic i stopped going but i still struggled and got diagnosed with antenatal depression. So I'm now seeing a different counsellor on NHS and its helped immensely. If you feel you're struggling to cope i really recommend it xxx

  • I think so too that it is great when you talk and express your concerns and it may help when you experience something of that sort... I am really sorry and it is good that you have been able to receive some help.

    Thank you for your advice though. I feel like it keeps growing on me and I am soon to take the decision. I guess I have to spend some time preparing myself for the consultation as it is a very new thing for me.

    Plus, I am not sure that in a clinic I am thinking to go for is a counselor so for me it is going to be a totally different person. which makes me doubt that she (I am not going for a man counselor) would really understand me and my life.. this is a great thing to have a helping hand in the fertility center when you're undergoing such a hard and complicated treatment as ivf..

  • I'm all in favor of psychological help. I have seen a psychotherapist in the past and a counselor and I found it super helpful and reassuring to talk to an objective professional. Both were very kind and really helped me to cope on my own and made me feel so much better. I even did CBT, which taught me mental tools with how to cope with stress and sorrow.

    But I would say, don't be too hard on yourself. Infertility is incredibly hard and distressing, asking for a little extra help mentally is really normal. xx

  • Thank you! infertility is enormously hard but I feel like it is me who is that weak and I feel like now I cannot cope with anything.

    I know that I need help and it is amazingly reassuring to read all of your advice and replies.

    it must be hard for everyone then. it is not only me who's facing some difficulties with coping with it...

  • No gurl forget about wrong or right .

    Rather I would put it this way that it's definitely required to get both of u through this tough ivf. As most of us don't feel comfortable talking about this treatment to family and friends. So ur therapist is d best person to take u through this and guide ur emotions.

    However sometimes u might not feel comfortable with a psychologist. But don't get demoralised As every psychologist is different and their treatment as well. If u don't like one request to see another. And in due time I'll find ur guide. Wishing u d best 🙏

  • well, I have been thinking that this is a good idea but I think that I should start with just my own issues and troubling moments and go for solving them for myself but couple therapy is an option to consider in the nearest future.

    I would feel even better if my clinic had such an option but I guess it is better to have someone near me so I can continue on after the program ends. because I won't be flying back and forth to Ukraine to see the specialist.. :)

  • Yes ofcourse I will pm u some details

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