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Fertility Network UK
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I need help not necessarily ivf related

Hello all,

I wanted to ask if anyone could point me to the right direction. Im not coping very well after my miscarriage last year, i feel hurt upset and mostly alone my oh has not spoken about it at all since it happened and EDD is coming up 15th april not a day which has not gone by where i have not thought of my little one. He’s not spoken about further treatment and has just got on with life accepting we may never be parents. Im hurt the fact he’s never there to support (it feels that way 😥) i feel the worst when its near my monthly cycle and he always comments your feeling like that because its time of the month you will be fine. Thats not good enough for me I can’t carry on with this anymore for some reason im not good at tolerating pain and going forward for my frozen embie cycle is putting me because i feel it will be alot of pain and no support (I recently went for my hysteroscopy my cervix is so tight and was really painful) so im just thinking of giving ip altogether. Its a sad post today ladies sorry xx

14 Replies
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Oh sweetie please don't ever feel like your alone x have you asked your clinic for some counselling... It should be offered as part of treatments as far as I'm aware unless it's changed x our clinic did it as a couple so maybe that could help you xx could you speak with friends or family about how you feel too xx

Sending lots of love and hugs xx

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That sounds super tough if you haven’t both spoken about it. Like the first reply, I would have suggested exploring fertility counselling to talk things through properly x

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Hello dear ... well, I've had 3 IVFs, 1 failed, 1 was a miscarriage at 20 weeks and 1 ended up in a baby earlier this year and I'm 39 years old. Let's start that there's always hope even if you feel that everything's gone downhill. I'm sorry to hear your partner's not supportive. It is so important to have support during this very difficult period especially when a sad anniversary is approaching. I had mental and psychological support at both the ivf and miscarriage hospital. The waiting time was a bit long but I pushed and chased and got an appointment fairly quickly. It is extremely important to connect to the counsellor and for you to want to talk freely and let go of all the emotions you may be keeping inside you. Go to your GP and ask for a referral or ask your IVF clinic directly or search online for support groups near your area. Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity) meetings also helped and I only went there once. But it was good to see I wasn't alone and it did not only happen to me. Good luck with everything and think positive xx

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I definitely will do thank you so much for your advice means a lot i just can’t face going or even phoning for counselling at the moment i feel really withdrawn towards just about everything and everyone.

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Maybe then try a Sands meeting locally. You don't have to talk and it's not a 1-2-1 as it's usually a group of women who had a miscarriage or a stillbirth. There's tea and biscuits, some laughter and some crying. As said, I only went once but I felt it helped and I didn't say much as I couldn't really, I was too tearful. Sad anniversaries are awful. I had to go the cemetery late last year for my twin babies and it was extremely painful. You're stronger than you think xx

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Its so heartbreaking isn’t it, 😥 thank you i will have a look if there’s anything local xx

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My husband is exactly the same. Just so bloody practical I want to scream (“well it happened so now we just need to move on”). I was really hurt when he completely ignored our would-have-been due date, despite me telling him in advance I knew I would struggle and need support. He said it didn’t even occur to him to feel sad. Would definitely recommend the counselling, we’ve only had a few sessions but found the one through the clinic (fertility specific) very good and it’s helping us understand each other’s feelings more and communicate better xx

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Thankyou xx

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I relate to this, I really struggled after my MC before Xmas. Counselling has really helped me to deal with what's happened and has helped me to express how I'm feeling about it to my partner. He too is quite closed off about it and doesn't like to talk in much detail about it. Hopefully you can get the support you need x

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I hope thank you x

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Sorry to hear that your having a hard time. Sometimes men don't realise that we need them to invest emotionally. My husband mentioned that he felt uncomfortable to keep discussing fertility issues as it made him feel sad. I explained that I didn't find this supportive and now we have really open topics which has made me feel a lot better. It may be worth explaining how you feel emotionally, as he may not feel comfortable to approach certain topics in fear of upsetting you. Sending you lots of love on your journey x

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I have explained to him, he gives me mixed messages he doesn’t stick to what he has said or what he feels which confuses me and it confuses me. When we talk he says if we dont have children its fine we will have them if we have them and if not its ok then other times he randomly says what if we dont have children at all i feel scared to even think of that thought. Im just so emotionally drained in a lot of areas of my life and i feel emotionally detached from our relationship too.

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It’s although he’s not discussing out of fear that it may not happen. Perhaps his way of coping is to block it out and pretend it’s not an issue. This can be a form of a coping mechanism. I think councilling would help in this situation as you need all the support you can get right now. I feel the exact same in regards to being emotionally drained, this journey takes a huge toll of you. I don’t get much enjoyment out of anything anymore. I think that’s just stress and anxiety because it’s overwhelming. You will find people to talk to on here though, many of us are in the same situation, or can relate in some way. I’m always here if you want to talk! X

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Thank you so much your messages have really helped. Im going to pick up the courage and try and go counselling or atleast get some form of help xxxxx

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