New here! Soon to be 42, wondering whether there's hope for still conceiving (naturally or by other means)? Anyone in same boat?

Hello,

I'm new to this forum and am just starting to look around. My burning question is whether there is anyone else on here in a similar situation to me...I'm 41, 42 later this year. I've been unlucky in love until a few years ago, and we're only now having the children conversation. I desperately want to have my own biological child, but reading the stats online I'm worried it's simply too late. Does anyone have any stories of success of conception and childbirth in their forties? Any words of hope for me? It's been making me feel really down and miserable and I don't know how to cope with the feelings of missing out on the opportunity to be a mother.

It would be great to talk to anyone else in a similar situation.

17 Replies

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  • Welcome. I'm a year younger than you, turning 41 next month, but in a very similar position and am just starting round one of IVF. I know the odds aren't in our favour but I'm still cautiously optimistic that it's going to work for us.

    I have a very close friend who is 44 and has just conceived from an FET and is due to have a little girl in June so it definitely can work.

    My one piece of advice is get moving asap and see your gp re referral for treatment/tests etc. You can still try for your little miracle naturally in the meantime but time is of course against us so the earlier you can be seen the better.

    All the very best of luck and I hope you get some wonderful news soon. X

  • Hi 41nearly 42 (cool name!). I am 43 this month and we are still trying. It is a very personal thing...if you have the will and desire, then there are options out there. Some lucky ladies in their early to mid-40's DO fall pregnant naturally, but it is still considered fairly rare. I am not saying that you couldn't be one of those fortunate ones, but the stories are few and far between. Does that mean you should give up? Absolutely not!

    Any course of treatment will be based on your personal (health) circumstances and the state your fertility is in. You may still have perfect AMH levels and clockwork cycles and also no other gynaecological issues, so may then wish to try naturally for another year or two. The best advice I can give you is for you and your partner to go and have all the necessary tests, a fertility MOT :) This way, you will have the benefit of a professional medical opinion on whether to go for it naturally or to seek a bit of help.

    If it turns out that you do require assistance, there is a lot out there. They tend to not offer ladies over 39 the option of IUI, but there is IVF, donor egg IVF and surrogacy. I am doing donor egg IVF as my medical consultant believes this is my best chance. Transfer is set for end May. Rest assured, there will be something out there for you should you wish to start walking down this road.

    Feel free to send me a private message at any time. Wishing you all the very best xx

  • Hi, I'm also 41 (42 later this year), and in a similar situation. I'm afraid I can't give you a success story (yet) but I can tell you that I have just had a first round of IVF which was funded by the NHS (we were lucky in that we qualified for one round - I think it depends on your region). Although it was not successful this time, we have a frozen embryo from this cycle and will hopefully be able to try again soon (transfer of this will be included in the same NHS cycle). I felt the same about the statistics I'd read for our age group but as other replies have said, even at our age it is possible to become pregnant naturally (a colleague a month younger than me gave birth to a healthy baby girl last November), with IVF or with IVF and donor eggs. If you are just starting down this journey I would really recommend going straight to your GP for tests - both yourself & your partner. As scary as it can be, it is better to find out as soon as possible what your options are. Strength and courage to you. X

  • Thanks so much for your very kind and informative replies. It feels so lovely to have found a place where I can speak openly about this because for so long I've felt that I have no-one to talk to - and that's a pretty lonely place. I will take the advice and contact my gp about having a fertility test - is that what you ask for, or is there another word for it? And then I guess we just take it from there to see what our next steps should be. It feels really scary, but I guess it's better to be scared taking control, than scared and doing nothing...

    Does anyone know of a male oriented forum where guys can ask each other questions about starting a family? I know my partner feels very much like he has no peers, no father (he passed a few years back), and no siblings to talk to about this, so he only has my female opinion on things. It would be lovely to find somewhere he can go to talk to other guys in a similar boat.

  • Hey, Im 40 his year so not too far behind you! I only met my husband a few years ago and we started trying when we got married. I wish we had started trying a bit earlier but probably wouldnt have made much difference I guess. We just went to the GP to say we were trying with no success. The GP did a blood test on day 21 to check I was ovulating (although I'd already bought the OPK sticks to wee on to check beforehand) and my husband got an appointment for a sperm check. Once we had the results we were referred on the NHS for IVF with turned out to be ICSI as my husband has a low sperm count. My advice is just go for it, go to the GP and have the tests done asap. The AMH tests are only done in fertility clinics in Scotland (not sure where you are). There is another site called Fertility Friends that has a mans corner so that may help your other half although there are a few on here! Good luck xx

  • Your best bet is to contact your local GP and ask him/her to refer you for fertility testing. They will usually start with a 21 day progesterone test which will determine if you are ovulating and if so how well. If you are not ovulating, you may be offered a drug like Clomid which, at varying doses, induces regular ovulation. Your husband will need to go for a sperm analysis which will determine his count, motility and morphology. You may also need to have a pelvic ultrasound, hsg and pap smear ( if you haven't had one recently). If referred for IVF, you will both need STD tests, HIV tests and various immunology tests. It all sounds a bit overwhelming, but honestly, when you're doing it, it's encouraging to know you are moving forward and being proactive.

    I am sorry but I don't know of any men-only forums. Sadly, even in this day and age, these sorts of groups for men are too scarce. I hope you are able to start your journey soon and may you have all the luck in the world xx

  • Thank you so much CountryCat for the great information and advice

  • I'm 41 and am just starting my 4th IVF cycle. I have unexplained infertility and my AMH when I started was amazing. My last one a year ago was all good too but obviously I'm not getting pregnant.

    Had a couple disastrous IVF rounds trying to get the drugs right. Got pregnant with a frostie but sadly miscarried at 7 weeks. My newest consultant said that my blood results suggest poor egg quality (my oestrogen is too high for the number of eggs I get). I'm trying this one last round with clomid instead of injections as that can sometimes help and then its egg donation for us.

    Can't offer anything positive I'm afraid but just to let you know that you're not the only one going through this at this age. x

  • The advice given by the other ladies already is brilliant and correct as I see it too. All I would add possibly is find out if you could qualify for IVF on the NHS early on as if you can't I would go private straight away with testing etc as the NHS took ages for me to do everything and I didn't qualify. Don't read too much stuff about age and fertility as it can be quite negative. As mentioned if you have no obvious issues you have every chance of conceiving. Best of luck xx

  • I'm 40 in October, being 40s is more difficult, but...... Definitely not impossible!!!

    Go for it!

  • Hi there my situation is similar to yours meet my wonderful husband 3 years ago I have a 24 year old and he has a 4 year old but we both really wanted a child together. I have a history of extremely bad endometriosis and have had several surgeries over the years. We started with iui with 5 failed attempts so decided to give ivf one shot. My body responded well to ivf and we got to embryos good enough quality to freeze and 1 was out back in which is now the result of a healthy 20 week pregnancy. We are so so pleased we made the decision to give ivf a go. I know to odds aren't great for our age bracket but it CAN happen! I also do fertility accupunture during this time and had been taking CoQ10 and prenatal tablets. My advice is don't waste time get straight to a fertilty clinic and find out all your options. Good luck and stay nice a positive despite the hard road ahead xx

  • HI there 41nearly42

    Dont be put off by the stats that are flying about. Those stats are not about you as an individual, its about the stats around the country/world so do be put off . Im 41 and my wife just turned 35 and she has always been the one to want to carry. So we decided to go with my eggs So we botn feel that attatchment. The clinic did tell us that there would be a better chance going with my wife as she is younger. But after speaking with other people and reading alot Its not all about the amount of eggs they can collect but its the quality. Anyway, after the whole treatment i got 6 eggs collected, 2 made it to blast and one Frozen.Two eggs was transfered to my wife. The clinic was happy with my eggs and growing nicely. We have just had negative test on 10th day after transfer and we will be having a blood test today to double check ( No one knows why some fail ) We now have 1 frostie of mine left so we will give that a whirl if the bloods are Negative. Im not giving up.

    So dont be put off! you can only try! Its true we slowly stop producing the goods as we get older, But i know many women who have concieved from 40-45, a couple naturally and some through IVF

    Even if you get a low count on your AMH levels after your 1st blood test. dont be put off. I was a 10 and they told me the average was 15. But i spoke to my sister law who is 6 years younger than me & she was a 3.5 and she got pregnant with twins. So I went for it :o)

    So have a whirl, its not 100% as you know, The clinic may not fill you with confidence because they have to tell you it may not be a great chance because of your age, But you go for it doll! I did and we got some corkers :o) You can always say you tried then :o)

    Good luck and best wishes to you all xxx

  • Congratulations to nbigland on your bump, good to hear a success story on this thread. I would also recommend fertility acupuncture - if nothing else I really think it helps you to stay calm and make you feel that you are doing something positive. I've also recently started taking CoQ10. Also, to give you an idea of time scale for NHS, we went to my doctor in August for further tests (we had a miscarriage through natural conception the previous December) and IVF started in March. I hadn't realised it but that is 8 months - it does take a while on the NHS. However, we hadn't given up on the idea of conceiving naturally so it didn't really feel like wasted time. X

  • Welcome!!! There's a lot of advice already so I try not to repeat everyone else, all I would say that I personally didn't even bother with NHS as my GP told me straight away I wouldn't qualify for treatment. I'm 42 with unknown infertility, went private last year (although had all the screening tests like STD, normal bloods etc done via GP referral), and the first round of IVF was crushing. I honestly thought I've missed the boat, my eggs were not up to scratch, I was too old and all those lovely thoughts.. but second time around was better, I actually got pregnant but sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. I was destroyed to say the least but it is worth mentioning, no longer concerned about my age, just generally about my ability to get and stay pregnant. I slowly picked myself up and after my third cycle I fell pregnant again, and I'm now 14 weeks with twins. It's no success story yet but all is looking good. All my test results are optimal and my girls are doing fine. There's always the odd one out but the vast majority of the health professionals are very supportive, encouraging and see absolutely no issue in delivering a healthy baby (or two!) and raising them in a lovely loving environment. So as far as I'm concerned, fertility issues and complications can happen at any age or any stage of your journey. Find out if there's a specific issue you or your partner might have to deal with, don't be discouraged by the unknown or popular opinion, forget about the stats, take any advice and help you can get and go for it! Good luck, lots of hugs and we are all here for you xoxo

  • Well said hun! and congartualtions on your twins news! this is fab xxx best wishes xx

  • I'm 45 and about to do my last FET. So I did fall pregnant at your age but sadly miscarried so it is possible to get pregnant in your 40s! If you haven't yet, might be work getting some checks just to make sure your levels are ok and u r ovulating etc then at least u know what u r working with!! Lots of happy ending stories on here with girls your age so there is hope!! Good luck xxx

  • Hi.

    I'm 46 , so probably the oldest on this site and i'm still trying and hoping. While there's still a chance i won't give up. Good luck.x

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