Toxic colleague at work: do I leave?

[Infertilemyrtle]

Hi ladies I'm looking for some advice. My boss wants to put someone toxic at my level into my team. No one else will work with her and they feel like I can handle her. I don't think I can - we are doing a transfer in October hopefully and if it's negative I want psychological safety at work. I'm also worried she will use my hospital visits against me. She has done that to someone else in the past. Shall I up sticks from the job I love to focus on my transfer and not being stressed? Been TTC for five years so this means everything. Financially it would be tight but we would survive. I just really love my job as it is now - maybe I should fight for it? Has anyone had a similar situation? Thanks so much for any replies/ help!

[Dreams1982]

I would most definitely mention your feelings and concerns to your line mgr. I don't think it's automatically the right thing to do to quit without speaking up first xx good luck hope you can get it sorted

[InvisibleGirl]

That doesn’t seem right that they’d dump you in it like that. If no one else wants to work with her either then you also should voice your concern. Why should you get lumbered with her and have to leave? Totally not fair.

[Shirazlover2013]

Does your boss know of your struggles? If not now might be a good time to raise it. Whilst it’s a complement that they think you can handle her it’s really not in your best interests as you’ve identified. If it were me I’d push back very hard against this. If your boss doesn’t listen maybe take it further like HR. I know that if I left my job because of someone else I’d be annoyed at myself having let the other person “win”. If you want to leave do it on your own terms. First priority is you whatever happens. Good luck!!

[Shinyhalo1]

Hi, I’m in the same sort of situation - she’s just not in the same office as me - thank god so I don’t see her every day!

She’s in the same team, so team meetings are awkward. One good thing no one in our team likes her. It’s just she tends to pick on me a little because I’m faster and more precise with my job. She’s believes quantities rather than quality - I do not.

Loads of times she’s tried to ruin me in meetings in front of other staff.

The one thing these toxic kinds of people love is attention. But like bacteria in a Petri dish- give em warmth and they’ll thrive.

I ignore her mainly now, only speak when I need to and keep a diary of everything I think is well out of order!

Why should you leave a job you love because someone is a d I ck?!?

I hope you get it sorted whatever you decide

Sarah xx

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to Shinyhalo1]

Thank you; yes agree I think I should stay and just try and stay out of her way as much as possible! She sounds like your person - tries to visibly throw people under the bus but also is quite sly about it too!

[Judy18]

I once nearly left my job due to my boss bullying me. Thankfully I stuck it out and eventually went to her line manager. Luckily I don’t work with her anymore. I can completely understand your concerns and i wasn’t going through treatment at the time. Unfair that she is being moved to you as no-one can handle her. That’s moving the issue, not solving it! Definitely mention this to your manager and state that you are worried it will have an effect and that you think she will use appointments against you. Also mention that you have considered leaving. I bet they would rather keep you than her. Make sure you document the conversation and any run ins with the college. Thats what i did. When i went to my boss’s boss i had 2 pages of notes that span 18 months (should have seen his face). Also it keeps dates and times clear if you have to take it further. Ultimately, don’t let an a-hole make you leave a job you love or have an impact on you and your treatment! Sorry you are going through this. Massive hugs being sent your way! Xxx

[Infertilemyrtle in reply to Judy18]

Thank you - yes I have mentioned to my boss but he thinks I'm like him - a toughie. That's because i do challenge him but I'm a softie really and really care about my whole team. Agreed - keeping info is good, I'll remember to do that. I just hope I manage to keep my cool with all the hormones etc and don't end up crying in the office or worse letting something escalate!