So there we have it another bfn. I long so much for two lines.have never seen them. Have never experienced that initial joy, excitement and today parts of me fear I may never experience this. However if I dig deep in my heart of hearts i do feel my fabulous husband and I are destined to have a baby. I see a future for us that involves a beautiful, sought after and precious child. I have to feel this and beleive this. I had moments this morning as we all do where I said things like..what did I do in a past life wrong, we do not deserve this etc etc however sadly I have been here before and these feelings and anger will get me nowhere. I see us at a cross roads and left Is depression, a strained marriage, a longing for what I don't have, upset and anger then right is hope, happiness, laughter, appreciating my health, my fabulous dh, wonderful family and friends, laughter, spring and all the fabulous things in life. I will not allow myself to stop believing we will one day get those lines however for us our baby is just not ready to meet us yet clearly my dh and I Have to have much more fun and laughter just the two of us as I am turning right at the cross roads. I will not obsess anymore (well at least try not too - yes you heard it here first) and aim to enjoy life and all I have right now. Our cycle this time was much more successful to a degree so for that maybe we are the 3rd time lucky couple who knows. You ladies on here are an inspiration and a tower of strength. to all bfps I am so happy for you all especially given what you have been through and for those still struggling on this journey I totally am with you and here for advice and support anytime. Now I am most certainly not having the decalcolised wine tonight but will hang onto it just in case. Much love to you all and thanks for all your support this cycle xxxxxxxx
Bffn😓😓😓😓😓😓 changed my title for... - Fertility Network UK
Bffn😓😓😓😓😓😓 changed my title for a new acronym..guess the f????😡😡😡😡
oh no vic - i have been holding out so much hope for you. i am truly sorry it wasn't your time - this is so cruel. am amazed at your wonderful attitude - keep that fighting spirit going.
PM anytime & know we are behind you xxx
Hi Vic, really really sorry to read this but you've got a great PMA and I need to take a leaf out of your book!
Really hope it's third time lucky for you (and me). Enjoy that wine tonight, you deserve it and wishing you lots of luck for next cycle 😘 xxx
Yes 3rd time lucky..a phrase I didn't want to say but it does have a ring to it..got to be our time surely..bloody hope so as costing me this time😜where you at timescale wise? Xx
Same here. Next cycle will be self funded. I'm having a hysteroscopy hopefully next month and will probably start next cycle June/July time. Will you have time off or try again soonish? Xx
What's a hysteroscopy?is that the tube dye thing? I will likely then be same timescales as you as need to give 3 months anyway have holiday planned for June now. Already been like a mad woman making calls today so got two appointments with two private clinics in next few weeks..bloody sell my left arm if I have too maybe even my right too😉dh does injections anyway. .lol xxx
Hysteroscopy is to check all is ok inside (not tubes though as I dont have any hence ivf).
Sane as he we are going away in June then hoping to start soon after. I was going to change clinics but after my follow up I've decided to stay at NHS hospital (Guys) as they are meant to be really good, although was tempted by ivi in London. I know I feel as though I'm getting desperate especially as had 40th last month 😒! Xx
So sorry to hear this vic. Big hugs x
So sorry my love! Take some time and look after yourself xxx
Ahhh I'm so, so sorry, your words show such strength and I will be thinking of you. Definitely have a large dose of wine tonight lovely xxx
Thanks Hun..how are your two eggs doing???? Xxx
Only one fertilised, so we are booked in for transfer on Thursday, I'm petrified of it not making it but trying to stay positive x
Oh no Vic. I'm so sorry to read this. You have a wonderful attitude and please remember, this is not what defines you and your couple. I'm all thoughts with you and please enjoy every taste of that wine tonight! You deserve some pampering time and I wish you all the best of luck for your next round when you're ready! Huge hugs!! xxx
Oh Hun im so sorry to be reading this. Took me right back to when i got my negative just before Christmas, your whole life is at a standstill. Please try and enjoy yourself to, my husband took a break out and went on holiday and now i feel ready for #ivf2! Let's see what the next few months bring but remember you both have each other. Xxxxx and you have all of us right here aswell! Xx
Oh Vic I'm so sorry to read this. I sincerely hope that your positive focus will get you the result you so dearly want next time. Look after yourself in the meantime. X
A www thanks.i have to live in hope.not long for you now xxx
😢 Thinking of you xx
Nooo I'm so sorry to see this!!!! I really had hoped it had worked for you this time, they always say 3rd time lucky! Love your positivity and I'm sending massive hugs to you xxx
Lol I know I will take every cliche going today...hope you doing ok xxxx
Well it doesn't give me much hope with that saying haha, seeing as not yet had 2nd go lol 😘 Xxxx
Oh Vic I was really hoping that you were having a celebration today!😢 You are right in all that you have said, take the right turn....go for all the wonderful things in life that you have and enjoy them! Great attitude you have there and yes 3rd time lucky has a ring to it....that's my mantra at the moment!! You did do great this time and much further than before! Take some time out, enjoy that wine....awww heck get smashed!!🍷I'm thinking about you lovely & sending you both a massive virtual cuddle!!xx
Thanks so so much. Your post made me giggle..I feel like getting smashed and now you gave the green light so I can blame you if I end up crying like a crazy woman😜😜😜and I can say Cinderella made me do it and then folk really will think I have gone mad😱😱😱right there with you for 3rd cycle honey..you got timescales yet? Xxxxx
Ha ha ha when you put it like that i reckon folk will think you've gone truly crazy!!😂 Well I'm not gonna lie, this is what I did and I did cry but I think it made me feel better though I had a few cries over a few more days after that! No official letters but got told April at our review. By my calculations that means day 21 will be mid May so around then. Just do whatever you fancy tonight, anything that makes you relax and chat is good!!👍😘xx
So so sorry to hear this vic but may I say what an amazing attitude you have, you've inspired me to think the same if our next cycle is unsuccessful again.
Bfn's are always devastating when you want this so much but particularly after all you've gone through so you should be very proud of yourself for looking at the positives and it does sound like you have a lot of them in your life, as do I. Loads of luck with your next steps and enjoy that wine tonight! Big hugs xxx
Thanks so so much..how you doing with the prostap? You must be starting injections soon xxxxx
I'm on the prostap for 3 months (I know! 😩) because I have endo and it's thought to aid success in those of us with it. We've tried everything else so I had to say yes to this really. We have our initial scan & bloods on 24th April then I'll go straight into stims. They're also increasing my dose so we're hoping these two things make it a positive outcome this time 🙏🏻 Thanks for asking 😘 Xx
Yikes that's a long time on pros tap..sorry I didn't understand hopefully this will work for you xxx
Don't worry Hun you're not to know, thanks for your wishes..it is a long time but we're hoping it's worth it and I've been on it for 6 months before now (pre-ivf, as an endo treatment) so at least it's not that long! Hope that wine is tasting good xx
Massive hugs to you. My heart was sad to read this xx
Thanks mrs..our hearts are broken but will mend in time xxxx
Have a large glass of wine. I bought a bottle of gin when our cycle failed last time! xx
Did you drink the whole bottle..lol ..will save my craft gin for the weekend😜xxxx
No. But it was tempting. I think I sobbed in to the first glass. So husband poured me another and said it'd probably taste better without snot and tears. 😂 xx
To be honest I lost the taste for it after a glass and have woken up with a hangover..wtf so not only did we loose our embryo but I have lost my ability to drink...great😓xxx
Vic, I'm so sorry! 😢😢
Your optimism puts me and my negative mental attitude to shame. I could definitely learn a few things about positivity from you and we are so fortunate to have you with us on this site! 😊
A www your post made me so happy and emotional..thank you. I am going nowhere. I am in a caring profession and my nature is to care and support..I get so much on here from helping others and if anything I can do to help even just one person then I was so meant to go through this pain. I put my misery to good use today and have volunteered me and my dog for pets in therapy even though I feel like it is me who needs therapy today..lol..I saw them on crufts and thought,.me and my dog could so do that and I need a positive distraction..there are always folk worse than me..oh and we need a holiday☀️☀️☀️Right when is et for you..must be soon xxxx
Honestly, everything you write just makes you even lovelier than I already imagined! ❤
A holiday sounds like a wonderful idea, you've both earned it and I bet you can't wait to get away ☉☉☉
ET is hopefully booked for Saturday morning. Fingers crossed we make it that far. Just getting to fertilisation is further than we have ever got on our own and that is a relief!
Massive hugs! Xxx
So sorry to hear this but I think your outlook is very refreshing and really hope I can have the same approach if we don't get the news we want this cycle. Take some time and come back to this when you feel ready xxx
Thanks honey..wishing you all the very best for your cycle xxx
I'm so sorry vic I really thought you were going to be getting a bfp. It so unfair but your attitude is fab and I hope that you get your dream very soon xx
Thanks so so much. We really thought this was our time which makes the disappointment all the greater.right round two for you and are you all paraben free now???😜despite our bfn I still think the changes we made made our embryo stronger so while I will be washing my hair in my old shampoo as a treat and painting my nails this weekend..I will revert back to my natural ways..next week😜xxxx
I just need to sort a shampoo and conditioner out then I'm all paraben free 🙂 Hope the changes I've made improve mine too , fingers crossed xx
Jason stuff was ok I found although leaves a nasty film in shower have nearly slipped a few times which made my husband chuckle and was not a pretty sight also herbal essence do one in super drug xxxx
Vic I'm so so sorry to read your post , but might I also say that it is truly inspirational. Your attitude is amazing , especially when it is so raw for you and your partner. Life can be so cruel but it's clear you have been gifted with an amazing personality and clearly a very strong woman . Xx
really sorry to read this big hugs. And totally understand all the questions you ask yourself, I did it monthly and when my last cycle failed,
And when your ready I hope and pray it's 3rd time lucky for you, 🍀🍀🍀🍀 xxx
Thanks honey..I don't pray but I might start😜😜😜😜however always happy to take other folks prayers..hope you are well And feel better after bitch faced gp xxxx
I didn't but have been, my sister made me she reckons it works, don't pray every day or go to church, just sit on my bed and do it when I'm having a pants day lol. No harm I guess either way. Yes thanks apart from the overthinking, I'm all good, and yes slowly forgetting about that cow at the doctors!! You should have a little break away with your husband if you can xx
Yeah forget her..like I say karma will get that bitch..we have a tried and tested ivf formula now...pre treatment holiday and post treatment night away so we booked trip for Thursday night..can't wait xxx
Good good, you off anywhere nice ?
I could do with a pre treatment holiday, xxx
We looking at a trip to the states to see a friend in Chicago then onto Vancouver and the Rockies.we were going to do this anyway but now I want it even more😀😀😀. I can't recommend the pre treatment holiday highly enough xxx
Sorry to hear that bfn's are rubbish and cruel. Take care of yourself xxx
They sure are..hope you are well Mrs . Big week ahead for you..how y feeling about Friday??? Xxxx
I feel really excited but mega nervous, think because it's not me it's harder to feel in control even tho you don't have much control anyway ( I know that doesn't make sense lol) I must be mad actually looking forward to the 2ww 😂😂
So so sorry really thought this was your time.😐 admire your positive attitude you are right being angry and resentful will get you nowhere. It ll be third time lucky for you hun. Take care xxx
So sorry Vic. I really hope it'll be 3rd time lucky for you 🍀
Your a very strong lady and I admire your positive attitude.
Sending lots of love your way 😘 take care xxx
I'm so sorry to hear this Vic. Take all the time you need to grieve, and remember we're all here for you. H xx
Thanks so much yes it is grieving for sure. I woke up this morning and just feel so sad, empty and lost..sofa say me thinks. How's you? You tested yet? Xxxx
Aw vic so sorry to read that you're feeling like this today but it is totally natural of course. It is grieving, it took me a while to see it like that after my counsellor said it but now I definitely agree it is. I think all you can do is let it all out, feel what you feel without pressuring yourself to 'pull yourself together' or think positive (something I've been guilty of in the past) and be very kind to yourself..watch your fave tv programmes,eat whatever you want & plan something nice for you & your hubby.
I really hope tomorrow is a better day xxxx
Tomorrow will be better and we have a night in a nice hotel booked tomorrow so going to allow myself today to cry etc then bounce back..you ok? Xxx
Aw that's great you have a lovely night away planed, hope you both have a lovely, relaxing time, you deserve it.
Yeah I'm ok thanks, busy until we start the next cycle and I'm going away for a long weekend next Thursday so hopefully the time will pass quickly then we'll be back in the madness of it all 😳
Lots of love xx
I had my blood test this morning (my centre do blood tests rather than wee-on-a-stick tests) but I already know what the result will be. Just waiting for the phone call now to make it official.
It feels bad, doesn't it? I'm having a sofa day too, with tea and toast.
Have you got anything to look forward to this weekend? Even something small? xxx
Oh Hun I live in hope that like Krikri you get a positive blood test..will you let me know? I still have not got af yet..it came today this time last cycle so expecting it to make an unwelcome appearance later. I am in bed with my dug catching up on homeland and catastrophe..lol. We have the rest of the 6 nations rugby to watch at weekend and a 40th of my 3rd time pregnant friend which today I can't see far enough but I so want and need to go to just get on with life..what about you? Do you have a plan forming for what next? Xx
Thanks Vic - I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, it's super-Saturday this week isn't it? We'll be watching that, hoping England can get the grand slam. It's my 40th birthday on Friday (happy birthday to me!) so DH is taking me out for dinner on Friday and we're going to our friends' house for dinner on Saturday.
Further than that, I don't know. Just keep buggering on, I suppose (^-^). H xx
Ohhhhh this is such crap news!! I'm so sorry vic. Despite the rubbish-ness, your brilliant attitude and wit in all of the above messages made me smile...you're doing fabulously to have such a great attitude despite everything. Keep thinking positive thoughts and you'll soon begin to feel the positivity as well. thinking of you and sending you big hugs xxx
Thanks so so much..my attitude less positive today sadly as I feel exhausted but it will pass..wishing you so much luck for today 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀xxxx
Oh bless you, can understand how it would all hit home again later on and catch up with you. You will pick yourself up from this when you're ready, but in the meantime take some time to be kind to yourself ❤️Sending you lots of love. Thanks for the luck! Xxx
So sorry to read this. You seem like such a lovely person. I admire your strength wholeheartedly and wish you success in the future....... take care of yourself as you heal xxxxxxxxx
Awwww thanks so much that is so kind...you have to be string to go through this so that includes you..how you getting on? Xxx
I hope you are looking after yourself while you pick yourself back up. We are at the very beginning of the IVF journey....and i agree from everything i have read, the strength of any person who goes through fertility treatment is so great. I hope you are as ok as you can be. Bug hugs and looking forward to hearing about ur BFP 
you 100 % deserve it and will get it xxx
Sorry this wasn't your time, but you will get there x
So sad to read you had a bffn, but happy to read your positive message. I have witnessed a few marriages dissolve in the quest for children and it is heartbreaking, keep that positivy up and enjoy your wine.. wherever it may lead you.
Lots of Love ❤️
You can so see how that could happen. We are strong together but this has tested us for sure. I just feel so upset that we have had to go through this as I never wanted any of this for us. I guess we just have to think it will make us stronger but it breaks my heart to think of not being able to give my dhea baby. How's you though? Got a scan date? Xx
You will get there, just keep that bright outlook 😘. Got a date to go for initial appointment on 4th April and we will get scan date then. Seems ages away but am sure it will fly by. No symptom TS today, so trying to not to do another test 🙈Xx
So sorry to read this Vic, you being very brave and lovely thinking of others... Keep strong.. Your time will come I'm sure. Lots of love 😍 xx
Ah vic77 so sorry to read your news, it's so bloody hard! Take some time to regroup and get strong and for your body to recover. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband and as a team you will get through this. Definitely turn right! Sending you big hugs 😘 xx
Aww thanks for your message..I am very lucky I know however today I feel like I am at a dead end..I will find the right turn for sure but going to allow myself to feel shirt today ...hope you are ok xxx
Sorry to hear that. I got my BFFN (!) on Saturday. I drank til I boked that night. I thought well if I'm not going to have morning sickness.... You will get it next time for sure x
Lol..sorry to laugh but I love your logic..I had two glasses of wine and have woken with a bloody hangover..how is that possible so not only did we loose our embryo but I lost my ability to drink😩😩😩what will you do now? Xxx
Haha you did well sticking to 2 glasses! I am for my 1 free NHS go now. Waiting list around a year I think. So will just keep trying in the meantime. Have you long to wait for your next go?
Very sorry to hear your sad news 😔 big hugs and wishing you all the best for the future x
Vic Im so sorry hun, was hoping and praying for your BFP, your such a strong, inspirational lady, look after yourself & know that we are all here for you xx 💜
So sorry to hear of your bfn. Keep strong 💜
I am so so sorry to read this lovely, my heart goes out to you xxxx your positive attitude is amazing and I'm on total admiration of your strength xxx look after yourself, hear if you want to chat, vent anything xxx big hugs xxxx
Thanks so so much..how are you? When is otd? Xx
Test day is tomoz xx not feeling too positive had horrible cramps yesterday and a little spotting but then again it ain't over till it's over! Look after yourself lovely xxxx
Vic77, Im devastated for you and am sending you a big hug. I love the right road with laughter and happiness because you deserve it. I wish you every success with the third try, you can do this. Look after yourself hun and enjoy that wine xxx
Thanks Hun..I fear I am going down the left road today through sheer exhaustion but that will hopefully pass..I know tough days are in the post I can feel them..how are your three fighters doing??? Xxx
Oh vic77 I only wish this had turned out differently for you. You need to take time for yourself and be very good to yourself you have been through a lot xxx The three little fighters have survived so far got the call this morning and am scheduled for transfer at 12. Im bricking it, we're going to have 2 transfered eeekss!!!!
God, I hope that I can be even a teensy bit as brave and stoic as you are. You are AMAZING! I truly admire your whole attitude which is courage in the face of overwhelming odds. I am so sorry that your news is not better.
Thinking of you and hope the next cycle gives you your precious baby xx
I hope too I have to as I just don't believe we are meant to be childless..how you feeling? Not long till may😀😀😀😀thanks so much for your message xx
So sorry to read this. Love your positivity at such a time...Keep strong x
Thanks so much xxx
Oh Vic I'm very sorry for you. Keep thinking about that third time lucky, and enjoy the wine xx
Thanks Hun..the wine tasted rubbish but like ivf I will persevere😜how are you? How you getting on with your reading? Xx
Oh hon I am so so sorry to hear your news There are no words I can say to make this dreadful disappointment feel any better but know that we are all here for you xx It's good to hear your fab positive attitude and fighting spirit, it's inspirational for all of us struggling with this journey Take good care and PM if you ever need to chat xxxx
Thanks so much Mrs..I have to say I am slipping down the road on the left this morning so giving in to it and having a day in bed with hankies and my dog..feel so sad , lost and empty but know it will pass.. How are you? Have you thoughts or plans in place for what to do next? Xx
Oh hon, sometimes you just need those days when you let yourself feel it and have a good cry, scream or whatever you need. We've got our appt with the consultant next week so will discuss what our options are then. My OH won't talk about it at all at the mo so I'm feeling quite lost 😳 Xx
Well you got me and all the ladies on here anytime for support xxx
Thanks lovely, you too xxx
Oh vic77 I'm sending you one huge hug. I'm so so sorry to read this post 😢 Such a heart wrenching time full of disappointment and dispair of which lots of us here know the same horrible unfair feeling. I hope in the coming weeks you feel a little better, be good to yourself, indulge yourself and try and have some fun with the hubbie and do things that make you both smile. Sending you lots of love xx
I love the right hand side of the crossroads its full of happiness and love and care and fab family friends. Ithink hold really tight on that side. And forget about the left its right al the way.really sorry darling one for the pain when u see the fn feels like the heart is in the mouth and u feel annoyed and angery and sad and teary at the same time. So sorry for the heartace ur going through. I love ur postive vibe. Ur a great lady.lots of and best wishes for u.xxz
Thanks lovely lady..feel like I have stalled today at a dead end but it will pass..hope you are ok xxxx
Im good my lovely. Just been suffering extremely bad period pin throwing up going to the loo to many times. But feeling much beter and waiting to go out n eat something.xxx
Are you pregnant?i can't see from your posts?xx
So sweet of u to say that. No no im not pregnant im full on period. Xxx
You are an inspiration too, we all help each other with what is happening in our lives and to also give hope that one day we will all have our time to start our journeys on our paths to our miracle(s). It is understandable you feel the way you do, positive and negative but please keep hope it's what keeps us going and hopefully will keep you going too xx
Vic 😢 I am so sorry to read this, I was sure that this was your time. It is so unfair and you have every right to have these feelings but I admire you positive outlook at this difficult time. Your words resonate with me as I have the same hope and the same determination not to give up. I am genuinely saddened to see your post this morning but I am looking forward to following the rest of your journey to you BFP. Sending lots of love to you both, you have been so amazing through this whole process. You've been so determined and positive and you have done everything you could to give yourself be very best chance of success. Sometimes it's just not meant to be for reasons known to a greater power than us. But I have faith that we will get there. Take care of yourself, enjoy some time out and get ready to do this all again very soon. Lots of love x x x
Your words mean so much..I have to have hope and faith as there is nothing else other than Agee and despair and upset which is creeping in today so having to dig deep to fight against it. We WILL get our bffps on here one day MommaBear16 ❤️❤️❤️❤️XXXX
I'm so sorry to read this, this journey is beyond hard, and the fact that you're seeing positives is amazing. I remember after my first failed ivf I was on the floor, inconsolable, like a mad woman, even crying at the postman when he came to the door! You're incredibly strong, one foot in front of the other as my friend always says 👣💜👣 thinking of you xxxxxx
Aww thanks Hun..less positive today but that is to be expected and from experience I know dark days are in the post..what happened after your bfn? Xxx
I was made to take two months off, which at first I was so frustrated at, but can see it was definitely a good idea. I went for lots of counselling, and started acupuncture, both I am still doing now!! Then we started our second (and last nhs) round as we didn't get any frozen ones. So had EC where they decided to freeze all as I had OHSS, which was again bloody frustrating, so now we have one embie on ice. It's really bloody tough, but I found counselling really helped, and lots of support from DH, friends and family xxxxxx
My goodness what a tough time..yes dh, friends and family help so much I couldn't actually do this without their support..when will you go for transfer now? Xx
Transfer is booked for Monday, it feels like I had EC ages ago, but I think that's IVF for you, time seems to stand still xxx
That's very exciting. How you feeling? I so hope this is your time ❤️❤️❤️xx
Thank you so much xx I'm feeling quite excited, but also nervous as hell! Xxx
I'm so so sorry Vic. It's so heart wrinching to read, remain strong in time , of course you need time to recover from everything you have been through, and I'm so glad you have not lost hope and Truly believe this will be positive fur you one day. Please keep on touch avd I wishing you guys all the very very best ok.
I am so sorry Vic. Your attitude is admirable and it is that very good that will put it's warm arms around you towards your baby who I'm sure is just waiting in the wings looking forward to meeting you as much as you are him/her/them.
Go enjoy a lovely glass of real wine, eat whatever makes you happy and fill up on the previous love you share with your husband. Your time will come my lovely.
Here if you need to talk.
Big hugs and love
Xxx
So sorry I'm reading this so late! So sorry to hear this Hun, what a beautifully positive post u have made from this tho.wish u well with everything xxx
Please read this post :)
