Nice to see the site so busy at the moment, lots going on, lots of good news stories/BFPs and lots of support as always for those who's cycles aren't going to plan. I love this site. Everyone is just so amazing ☺️
Ok. Down to business. As the title might suggest I have gone full on bat shizzle cray cray and I can't contain it any longer. So here goes for a very brief run down of my 2ww so far;
1-4dp2dt Off with DH. Lovely days spent waking in beautiful places and having lovely food, decaf tea and cake. Perfect. Couldn't have started 2ww off better. Feeling calm, confident and ready.
5-6dp2dt Very little sleep. Back to work. Must stay focused. No googling. No symptoms. Google about having no symptoms. Tell myself perfectly normal at this stage. But why no symptoms? Tell myself it's too early. No symptoms is not good. Tell myself relax. It's early days. I didn't have many symptoms last time.
7dp2dt Woke up at 2am with intense 'pulling feeling' in lower tummy. Uncomfortable. Painful. Similar to feelings when took the meds for miscarriage. Completely freaked out. Strange taste in mouth. Didn't I get that when I was pregnant? Yes you did you must be pregnant. But it's too early to be pregnant. But it's too convenient not to be. Boobs a bit sore. Sore boobs plus yakky taste in mouth = pregnant. But it's too early. Googles how many days past ovulation/transfer do people get weird taste in mouth. Definitely pregnant. Definitely not pregnant because it's too early and it probably won't work because there's only one six cell embie and google says that they burn out really quickly so it's probably gone already. But I'm definitely pregnant though.
8dp2dt AF feelings. You know the feeling? THE feeling you get right before it starts? Boobs not sore, not as full. AF is coming. Panic. AF starts. Sobbing. Text DH all over. Drive to work and start sobbing again when see children crossing the road for World Book Day. Never thought Where's Wally would have me in tears. What's Wally's last name anyway? More tears at my desk. All over. We're out. Done. But what if I'm pregnant and it's implantation bleed? Too late for implantation and not consistent with implantation bleed stories. Googles implantation bleed dates. More tears. Acceptance. Went to a quiz with friends as DH at work and couldn't be home alone. AF stopped. Angry at my body and the world and Donald Trump.
9dp2dt Slight nipping sensations very occasionally in middle of tummy. Didn't I get them when I was pregnant? Yes. Definitely pregnant then. But I got them later last time. Doesn't matter definitely pregnant. Boobs a bit sore. Because I'm pregnant. Not possible to be pregnant yet because too early and possibly had AF yesterday. Cycle likely to have failed. Very hungry. Think it's nerves. Or the baby that's starting to grown in my tummy. Or the steroids which is much more likely and less tragic than believing am pregnant. Definitely pregnant. Cycle probably failed.
10dp2dt (Future self) Can't talk. Gone crazy.
😂😂😂
I told myself from the beginning of this cycle that I was going to be much more relaxed. More prepared. And stay positive. And I was. Right up until 5dp2dt and then I realised that I'm full of crap. Who am I to pretend that I have any control over what I am feeling and thinking at the moment? I don't. I'm doing my best, I'm taking each day as it comes. I've never given up hope but I can't let myself actually believe even for one second that this is a sure thing because the heartache I felt yesterday when I thought it was over was enormous.
I've always said to the women on here who get a BFN that it's a loss. It absolutely is. It's the loss of our embie(s), a physical product of ourselves and our partners and the emotional loss of the baby that this process is supposed to give us.
I've not given up. Test day is next Friday (I know 😩) and I won't stop battling those negative demons until I know for sure that there's only one pink line on that test (but there will be two because am pregnant). But this is so damn hard and I can't pretend that I am enjoying it one little bit.
Man I can waffle. My poor husband! I'm glad I've put this out there. I honestly feel much better. Did I mention I have back ache? It's because I'm pregnant (good lord! 🙈) Stay strong my fellow ladies in 2 week waiting!!! Don't be afraid to message me with your crazy because I'm not going to lie I could do with feeling like I'm not to only cray cray in the village right now!!! 🙈😂 So sorry for the long post, I'm really not as tragic as I sound... well, maybe 😂
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MommaBear16
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I know I don't know you personally MommaBear but I bloody love you and your posts, this is the best thing I have read in a good long while!!! Perfectly captures the madness of the 2ww! Have you been feeling tired at all? I remember having sore boobs one day/not the next day, funny tastes, cramps... 'symptoms' which mess with your head, but was the tiredness which was the real giveaway I think looking back. I want so bloody much for this to work for you, you're always so supportive of others on here! One day you'll be dressing your own Wally/Walda for world book day xxxx
Sprinkles I'm exhausted 😂😂 but it's purely from my mind working overtime and the lack of sleep I think!! Haha I really hope it is from my little embie. I really am trying to stay hopeful 🙏🏼 thank you so much x x x
I think most people can relate to every bit of this post and it's so honest and such a true reflection. Nothing I can say to help apart from the usual keep believing and stay positive xxx
we're all praying, wishing, hoping and sending love for that very much longed for result. I can't imagine all the thoughts and feelings you must be going through. This really is the craziest process isn't it with so little control. Stay strong, keep positive and above all look after yourself xxx
Couldn't have said it better about what a loss it is when you get a bfn. And if it's any consolation I'm crazy too! I. Literally. Can't. Switch. Off. Even if I turn over in bed I think about it then I can't get back to sleep. It's all day every day and sometimes for shorter periods overnight too. X
Lol lol lol you should write a book..you are right you are crazy..crazy funny chock. .love it..now step away from Google and do some crazy dancing like -noodles- 😉😉😉 xxxx
Brilliant writing MommaBear, you had me in stitches, perfectly captured the craziness of the 2ww 😂🙈 I really hope you get your BFP and happy ending, got my fingers and toes crossed for you, lots of hugs and endless supply of baby dust!!! ❤❤❤
Awww, don't I just love you already from just reading your posts! I didn't get to this stage at my 1st attempt last year so I don't know how it feels but thanks for adequately preparing me for it. Hang in there, you are pregnant hun xxx
Oh me08, you know what I think I needed to hear that. Here's me banging on when so many don't even get to this stage. Will soon be your turn 🙏🏼 Sending love to you x x x
Awww thanks for sharing MamaBear.... just hang in there, all these thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal. All the very best fur next Friday, it seems a long way a way but be patient and be positive ok. As you rightly pointed out this forum is one of a kind and we all support each other no matter what. I love this group.
Fingers crossed all is well hun, sending lots of positivity and baby dust your way, Friday will be here in no time, hoping for a BFP for you, take care xxx 🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻
Oh my darling, how I just want to reach in a cuddle you so hard! You are strong, and amazing and dealing with all of this like we all do ( by going ever slightly crazy)
We are all rooting for you and I am sending happy, healthy pregnancy vibes your way. Be kind to yourself, let yourself go slightly insane and know this is not forever. Sending you a huge virtual hug, you are stronger than you think and you are doing so well ❤xxx
Oh Daisy-Mae thank you so much!! 😘 that's so so kind, you are right this isn't forever. It's not easy to remember that at the time though is it 🙈😂 x x x
Love your posts! You are a credit to this site. I completely understand what you are going through. I hope you are pregnant. I had lots of cramps and back pain in my 2ww and I was pregnant. Hopefully you are too mommabear 🙂🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🍀🍀🍀
Thank you so much Lottypepper! 😘 did I mention the back ache? Because it does 🙈 my heart has been beating so hard all day and now it seems to have eased, it must have been anxiety and this has helped me sooooo much. Thanks again 🙏🏼😘 x x x
Pahaha I would like to see him try to stop you!!! We're like women possessed. I really want to be a zen person. I feel like there's one inside me. She's just silenced a lot by the louder, crazy person that's in there too 😂 x x x
You are my Hero. Please can you live round the corner from me so we can go for coffee? When I google the words "embryo chances if..." can your face pop up and make me laugh?
😂 should I be offended by that last statement? 😂😂😂 oh I'm glad I've given people a giggle. It's been a bit of light relief looking back over it actually because I can laugh at myself. What a crazy bird 🙈 oh well I'm not the first and I won't be the last!!! x x x
I don't know...can you google if you should be offended and get back to me?! Isn't it weird how its irrelevant how many times you do it...our minds revert to type?! Happy weekend lady! xx
Love this post! Made me laugh MommaBear16 I'm still waiting for an initial consultation for private ivf but have had some basic treatment on the NHS (secondary infertility) but I read everyone's journeys on here & they give me hope. I can relate - always think you myself, this could be the month that it just happens.....& Then AF arrives. Will be looking for your post next Friday......xxx
Oh pumpkin the waiting is never ending the whole way through. I hope everything goes smoothly on your journey; everyone here is an amazing support when you're having your bad days. They've been my lifeline x x x
I completely understand why we feel so in 2ww...the symptoms seem that you are pregnant.. I extremely wish that you are pregnant..I m eagerly waiting to listen to ur bfp soon...u r trying ur best to stay positive n keep it up. Tc of urself.
Absolutely love this, it made me giggle. This has been me and (I'm sure everyone else) for months even before starting on the IVF journey and I seriously hope with all my heart that your journey brings you to your BFP next Fri! I have mainly stayed in the wings reading posts that are helpful to me and you are always there with words of advice or support so this should definitely be your time ❤️
Thank you so much SeniorPhipps, you're right the waiting goes on for years but it's intensified by this whole process. I'm so happy to have a positive response from it. I am waiting for the day for someone to tell me to shut up 🤐😂 good luck with your journey x x x
I can imagine, I can't say I'm looking forward to it when I know how bad I am normally, eek! At least I know I won't be alone. And never shut up please, you're an inspiration 😘 xxx
Crikey!! I'm hoping all is good for you. We all do the Google dr thing & sometimes it's a good thing....but....! It's just a hellish wait, we feel every twinge & analyse the lot....drive ourselves stir crazy! Good luck, try to take some advice from us all....as if! Lol! Wishing you lots of luck!!☘💕xx
This is absolutely brilliant!!! I thought when I went through the 2ww I would be relaxed but half way through I was far from it and google was my best friend!!! Lol just hang on in there Hun, not long to go now 😘👍x x x
You're right not long to go and to be honest I don't know why I'm in such a hurry to get there because there's only more waiting ahead!! Can't win!! 😂 thank you lovely x x x
Ha, ha.. No you how I am... I lasted to day 3 without Google, then I couldn't resist.. I'm talking. To my self constantly... We are 😜 crazy... But in a good way.. I test next Friday too, actually looking forward to going back to work Monday to distract me... Fingers crossed for you, loads of love 😍 xxxx💋🍀💋🍀💋🍀
I have to be honest, work hasn't been much of a distraction, I've not been the best employee this week 🤣 I'll be better next week... honest!!! 🙃 Hope all is well with you, not long to go now!!! 🙏🏼💗💙 x x x
Oh well you probably made up with humour at work instead of hard graft! I probably be the same then, although have my own little business so I can tell myself off!! So far so good.. Scared really to say that. Sleep well and then wake up for a wee and brain starts!! 6days and counting.. Very best of luck 🍀 for you. Lots of love 😍 xx
It's such a rollercoaster 🎢. I'm praying for you and keeping everything crossed. Next Friday still feels so far away but hopefully it comes round quickly 🤞❤
Thank you Loobee, I'm sure the weekend will help, it will be gone in a flash!! 😂 x x x
Thank you for posting your very honest account of the last few days it's made me realise that I'm not the only one whos cray cray i think this is a standard monthly monologue that we have with ourselves each month 😂 or it is for me anyway !! I thought I was a day late with af and did what I thought was a pregnancy test any way did an ovulation test by mistake and was starting at the strip for ages thinking yeap definitely a faint line there only realised it was an ovulation test the next day😂silly me!! Stay strong we're all with you every step of this crazy journey xxx
Oh my love that must have been awful when you realised! 😢 it's just so damn hard isn't it. Here's hoping those two pink lines are coming up in the right test for us soon 🙏🏼 x x x
Just felt really stupid for doing it 😧but it means that im all set to start ivf very shortly so fingers crossed my embie is ready and waiting for me. Hope the next week goes super fast for you I'm praying for your bfp next week xxx
This made me laugh, it is the struggle of your mind on a daily basis. Hoping that Friday is here before you know it and the " I'm pregnant" voice is right xx
Thanks se99, I really wanted to be a really calming influence for the other 2ww ladies but the crazy is just too strong!! Haha not long to go now, thank goodness it's the weekend!!! x x x
Oh bless you! I always see how supportive you are of people on here be it a good story or negative your there, and that's what keeps us all going!
The 2WW sounds awful but try to think of it as exciting plus your over half way! You've got this chance inside you that you could have a baby I don't want to raise your hopes to high but stick with it and have hope because I'm sure that bloody helps, I'll be messaging you in the end week or so (hopefully if we get embies)!!
Totally get the world book day stuff so cute I'm laughing looking at all the girls at works kids next thing I know I'm in the toilet having a little cry and I'm not even on the 2ww yet!
Oh bless you girl15, sometimes it hits us out of nowhere doesn't it? You are absolutely right, I'm still in the running it's not over yet. It is very exciting, I'm feeling soooo much better today after letting it all out!!! Not long to go for you now, I have everything crossed for you!!! x x x
This is the best post I have read in a while!! Sums up everyone I think!
We are all cray cray! And I imagine our google histories would match!
oh my god I totally understand, I just wanted to say you're doing really well, the whole thing is just mental when you really think about it, so if you've aged to get up and function then you're winning! We start our FET today, so I will be in full mental breakdown in a couple of weeks!!Keeping my fingers crossed for you!! Xx
Oh aleelilook I look forward to your mental breakdown!! Don't keep the crazy in, let us know how you're getting on. We all understand and we can all help. It's so so hard but it's also completely worth it!! Good luck with your FET, there's been lots of good news stories lately!! x x x
Mommabear this sounds EXACTLY like me during the 2ww, wtf actually happens after those few days in, it's like the body snatchers sneak in overnight and swap us for someone who looks just the same but a lot more unhinged!! I also tell myself I'll be much more chilled, what will be will be blah blah blah but more fool me for thinking that's possible 😩😂
I hope the week goes fast (strange things have happened!) and it's the outcome you deserve xxxxxxxxx
Thank you Georgina!!! Body snatchers 😂😂 that sounds familiar!!! I know we start worth good intentions and it all just falls apart!!! 😂 will let everyone know how we get on 🙏🏼🙈 x x x
I'm glad you're feeling better for letting the "cray cray" out, I think you summarised the tww for everyone where our internal dialogue is like a battle between at least two opponents sitting on either side of the pregnant/not pregnant fence.
I recall the feeling of madness decending while sitting inside the conflict or trying to discuss it with people who didn't understand, so definitely beneficial to let it out here in our wonder sanctuary which I'm sure I'll be doing when I start again in a few weeks!
I hope the last leg of your wait goes faster than this cruel middle section has been and you're rewarded with those two beautiful lines that your real and virtual families will rejoice in right beside you.
Big love, hugs and positive vibes to your lovely PUPO self and to your magic bean to nestle and grow xxxx
Pooky I typed a full reply and it hasn't posted!!! 😠
I'm really pleased to hear you're going again so soon, I think that makes sense as your body will be ready for it! I hope everything goes smoothly this time and that you join the 2ww gang very soon! x x x
Oh I hope so Claire!! If not I'm just completely bonkers!!! x x x
You should write a book!!!...I also now know I'm not mad nor alone after reading your post - you have me in stitches on a pretty horrendous day, Thank you, but most of all I'm wishing you the very best for your test next week and the strenght to get through the days until then, X.
Thank you so so much Molly, I'm glad I helped bring a smile to your day when I know you're hurting. I'm feeling much brighter today, have to keep the faith 🙏🏼 x x x
Aww MommaBear! I bet everyone of us on the site can relate to your post, especially if more than one go at it. Brilliantly well written and it made me smile as it sums up the whole 2ww. I really hope that was an implantation bleed for you and your embies in there fighting strong. Are you going to test early again? Sending lots of positive hugs and love your way xxx
Great post MommaBear - sums up exactly how crazy the 2ww makes us 😂
I wish it was possible to ban some searches on your Google through the 2ww as I can't help myself and I literally Google about every.single.twinge lol.
Twitch? You have twitches? I don't have twitches 😳 should I google that?! 🙈😂 haha I think that's a great idea, we should contact the Google Gods and see what they can do!! x x x
Loved this! We've all been there and youre not alone in the cray cray dept! Fingers crossed for test day, any symptoms or no symptoms can mean either so try really hard not to Google and focus on being stress free and healthy. Xxx
I am TOTALLY with you! 4dp2dt and I'm unwilling to do anything - ANYTHING - that might put my precious embies at risk. Every single ache/pain/twinge/emotion could be a symptom of a BFP or a BFN.
Our Consultant was absolutely adamant that there is no way of knowing until the blood test at 2 weeks: you could bleed and be pregnant, you could not bleed and not be. It plays with your mind, doesn't it?
Could you take this week off work too? Or get signed off? I just think we all need to be able to respond to and work through the physical and emotion responses to the 2ww as and when, and that can be incredibly difficult if you're at work.
Hi helsroo thanks for your reply! I think if I was off I'd have no other distractions and I would definitely have lost the plot already! Haha
I hope everything is going well so far for you. My clinic don't do beta tests they just rely on the HPT so it's all on those two lines Friday morning x x x
Brilliant post that mirrors exactly what I went through every time. The only time I think I didn't was the last time when I felt like mentally I had already given up as it was our last chance and at least I knew at the end of it there would be an end to IVF one way or another! I also decided that I would test as early as I could - at least that also gave me an early answer, but I know some people prefer to wait till OTD.
I'm just in the middle of my first shot at this, nearing my egg retrieval, and I already know that this is going to be exactly what I'm like. I can totally relate to this in a regular every day way without even considering the post transfer part. Wishing you all the luck in the world! x
Omg, you sound EXACTLY like me during the 2ww. I've only just started down regulation and I'm already booking people up to fill every second of the 2ww in an attempt to hold back the crazy. I hope you get the result you want (and a little peace in the mean time).
Love this post!! Bless u for still entertaining whilst going slowly insane lol!! I wish u all the luck in the world for Friday!! U so deserve your BFP xxxx
omg momma bear . . so many emotions . .. you explained my last 2ww to a t. We go through so many emotions in the short amount of time. I think every woman goes through this, I know I had very similar thoughts, so you are not alone. We are all a bit cray cray on our 2ww. Stay strong . . wishing you all the luck in the world xx
Brilliantly said lovely, couldn't have explained the 2ww any better 😂 I have everything crossed for you and I'm preying that you get your bfp, look after yourself xxxxxxxxx 🌈🌈🌈
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