Well hellooooooo friends!!
Nice to see the site so busy at the moment, lots going on, lots of good news stories/BFPs and lots of support as always for those who's cycles aren't going to plan. I love this site. Everyone is just so amazing ☺️
Ok. Down to business. As the title might suggest I have gone full on bat shizzle cray cray and I can't contain it any longer. So here goes for a very brief run down of my 2ww so far;
1-4dp2dt Off with DH. Lovely days spent waking in beautiful places and having lovely food, decaf tea and cake. Perfect. Couldn't have started 2ww off better. Feeling calm, confident and ready.
5-6dp2dt Very little sleep. Back to work. Must stay focused. No googling. No symptoms. Google about having no symptoms. Tell myself perfectly normal at this stage. But why no symptoms? Tell myself it's too early. No symptoms is not good. Tell myself relax. It's early days. I didn't have many symptoms last time.
7dp2dt Woke up at 2am with intense 'pulling feeling' in lower tummy. Uncomfortable. Painful. Similar to feelings when took the meds for miscarriage. Completely freaked out. Strange taste in mouth. Didn't I get that when I was pregnant? Yes you did you must be pregnant. But it's too early to be pregnant. But it's too convenient not to be. Boobs a bit sore. Sore boobs plus yakky taste in mouth = pregnant. But it's too early. Googles how many days past ovulation/transfer do people get weird taste in mouth. Definitely pregnant. Definitely not pregnant because it's too early and it probably won't work because there's only one six cell embie and google says that they burn out really quickly so it's probably gone already. But I'm definitely pregnant though.
8dp2dt AF feelings. You know the feeling? THE feeling you get right before it starts? Boobs not sore, not as full. AF is coming. Panic. AF starts. Sobbing. Text DH all over. Drive to work and start sobbing again when see children crossing the road for World Book Day. Never thought Where's Wally would have me in tears. What's Wally's last name anyway? More tears at my desk. All over. We're out. Done. But what if I'm pregnant and it's implantation bleed? Too late for implantation and not consistent with implantation bleed stories. Googles implantation bleed dates. More tears. Acceptance. Went to a quiz with friends as DH at work and couldn't be home alone. AF stopped. Angry at my body and the world and Donald Trump.
9dp2dt Slight nipping sensations very occasionally in middle of tummy. Didn't I get them when I was pregnant? Yes. Definitely pregnant then. But I got them later last time. Doesn't matter definitely pregnant. Boobs a bit sore. Because I'm pregnant. Not possible to be pregnant yet because too early and possibly had AF yesterday. Cycle likely to have failed. Very hungry. Think it's nerves. Or the baby that's starting to grown in my tummy. Or the steroids which is much more likely and less tragic than believing am pregnant. Definitely pregnant. Cycle probably failed.
10dp2dt (Future self) Can't talk. Gone crazy.
I told myself from the beginning of this cycle that I was going to be much more relaxed. More prepared. And stay positive. And I was. Right up until 5dp2dt and then I realised that I'm full of crap. Who am I to pretend that I have any control over what I am feeling and thinking at the moment? I don't. I'm doing my best, I'm taking each day as it comes. I've never given up hope but I can't let myself actually believe even for one second that this is a sure thing because the heartache I felt yesterday when I thought it was over was enormous.
I've always said to the women on here who get a BFN that it's a loss. It absolutely is. It's the loss of our embie(s), a physical product of ourselves and our partners and the emotional loss of the baby that this process is supposed to give us.
I've not given up. Test day is next Friday (I know 😩) and I won't stop battling those negative demons until I know for sure that there's only one pink line on that test (but there will be two because am pregnant). But this is so damn hard and I can't pretend that I am enjoying it one little bit.
Man I can waffle. My poor husband! I'm glad I've put this out there. I honestly feel much better. Did I mention I have back ache? It's because I'm pregnant (good lord! 🙈) Stay strong my fellow ladies in 2 week waiting!!! Don't be afraid to message me with your crazy because I'm not going to lie I could do with feeling like I'm not to only cray cray in the village right now!!! 🙈😂 So sorry for the long post, I'm really not as tragic as I sound... well, maybe 😂