one more day

02/21 5:30 am. I woke up because of a nightmare. Our plane is falling. I can't breathe, my chest is broken and I see my heart's beating. The husband is laying near me.. .. all in blood and without legs. All in blood, I don't see other alive people. Gosh...

Then I realized it is just a dream, my love is sleeping near me. Everything is ok. But bad thought couldn't leave my head.

Tomorrow is our day and we will go to Ukraine( by plane) I'm scared, I didn't tell my husband... maybe it's a sign and we should stay home? I'm in despair..

I was waiting for this a half of my life and I don't want to loose my chance, our chance to be parents... but that dream..

36 Replies

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  • thank you very much. All my fears are disappeared because I overcome my feelings and we came to ukraine. The weather was fine, seems like a spring. I'm in good mood and my husband seems to have the same. We are happy to be there. A lot of test have been done and now I should wait for my turn. The doctor will examine me in a few minutes, so I have a little time to text here haha.

    I will write here the results of my examination, wish me good luck.

  • wow

    that's graphic

    you should put a disclaimer bc for someone it may be a shock content

    anyways it seems like you are really nervous and scared. maybe you better take a train or go by car. i don't know.

  • we came to ukraine this morning and our fly was safe. Everything is wonderful now. I'm trying to enjoy my staying at clinic right now.

  • oh wow!

    cool!

    how is the weather over there? it must be cold! it is great that you had a safe flight but you shouldn't have worried about it in the first place

    anyways

    have a nice stay and fertility vibes on you

    xx

    PS are you there for surrogacy or egg donation ivf?

  • Not really, the sun is shining right now, seems to be very warm, a light wind and birds are singing. haha, my Wednesday fairytale.

    I'm here for an egg donation ivf, and the gynecologist told that I'm good for this, actually both of them, the gynecologist and embryologist told that we can undergo the de conception.

    We are about to go from the clinic, the last stage was a contract. We chose the Ideal Package because we want to be sure in the future success. It includes the attempts of de ivf and the possibility to move to a surrogacy, wish we'll be good.

  • you met your embryologist? wow.

    we haven't, actually we have just received my husband's sperm analysis results and they showed that his sperm count is high but motility is a bit low which is actually not important as the technique that was used to make our surrogate pregnant was ICSI, they do that always.

    Oh you will definitely be good. fertility vibes on you!

    PS what is your clinic again???

    xx

  • no, we are at home now. We booked the tickets back because our consultant told us the whole process won't take more than one day. We've got the analysis sheet too, my husband is healthy and we are ready to start de treatment.

    oh, I'm curious, did you like Kyiv? What was the weather there, sorry but how many days or week ago have you visited this place?

    Did you like the clinic itself?

  • well, not the best city for me as I have visited Paris and Liev loses a lot when I start comparing them haha but it was a pleasant experience you know nothing too bad, everything was okayish

    weather was drastically changing all the time. how do they survive there? hm dunno

    Oh well the clinic is the theme of another conversation as I have expected everything but not that. I still cannot get over our consultation with our doctor, the best dr I have ever had. actually! no jokes!!!! she was so attentive and nice and her voice was very warm you know, it was very comforting

  • As far I know ukraine has a good climate. They have 4 seasons, a hot summer, warm autumn, frost winter and green spring.

    I have a huge desire, to visit ukraine but I'm not sure about it. My donor is under the stimulation as well as me. Hope she is doing great.

  • you are not sure about visiting Ukraine? why? I do not know about its seasons and if it is even hot in summer but I won't be thinking twice before going there right now.

    My progress is that our surro is on her 11 week of pregnancy and we are meeting her on the date of her 12 weeks scan. wow. can you imagine?

    I hope she's doing fine... we have bought her presents but maybe you can give us some advice what is the best thing to gift in this case?

  • it's just de conception. As far as I know it's not necessary to be there. The manager told me I'm willing to come any day I want.

    My congrats, in one week you'll see the surrogate, that's amazing. Do you know her name and age? Or it's forbidden to know before 12 weeks scan? I'm not a big expert in making presents. Maybe some sweet things, or stuff which will remind her about you.

  • strange.. but if you are stimulating. doesn't this mean that you have a strict protocol to follow? and there is even a date of all the necessary procedures stated... I haven't been stimulated in this clinic but I know that everything is basically set on a timetable and your manager always tells you about the commencement of your next stage and you will be going to Ukraine anyways.. as it if de conception.

    Thank you... I will think about it too..

  • Yes, I take all prescribed meds. I was talking about the donor. I'm a bit confused, we have been told the donor is found. And she will start her stimulation in a few days. I'm not a big expert in this field and don't know what should be next. As far as I understood, we have to be there at the day of egg collection. It would be our second visit. I've already started to take the cocs and will my first ultrasound.

  • I suppose that you are taking pills to regulate your cycle, no? And if the donor starts her stim in a few days that has to mean that your stim will be starting soon too... but okay as I am not an expert in this... I won't be continuing..

    but if you are going to be there for EC aren't you going to have an ET? how does it work at all? I thought that the clinic should control your stimmulation from the beginning till the end..

  • no, you didn't understand me. sorry for confusing you. I was talking about cocs, the doctor told me that I have to do an ultrasound on my 19th day of cycle in order to see the changes with my endometrium. As far as I know it needs to grow up. I was explained that it's important for my future pregnancy. The clinic controls the donor's stimulation because her body has to produce eggs. It's the main issue, of course my stimulation is quite different and I can undergo it at home.

    Does it make sense now?

  • oh well it does

    I am sorry but it was a bit confusing at first. as you know I am in the middle of the surrogacy program but surprisingly I am familiar with a lot of stuff as before signing with the clinic I have spent a lot of time reading about different stuff and communicating with other people about their own treatments.

    Where are you now in the treatment? Is it anywhere near your ET or you are still waiting?

    I remember I was told that my donor as she had the ovarian stim she was under a total control of the clinic, undergoing us scans almost daily. my manager used to share with me those details because I was so nervous and actually curious.

  • Yes, I have already started to take my meds. Our ec is soon, the doctor told my donor is fine, she responds to the stimulation and our chances to have good eggs are high.

    This is tough journey, I also began to read different articles about egg donation and surrogacy as well because we chose the packages which included the opportunity to move to the surrogacy(in case we would fail 2 attempts of de ivf). Honestly, I don't want to do this...

  • oh! i think that this kind of a contract is the best in some terms, you see for those women who have only this amount of chances of having the child by themselves it is the best option out there if of course they think that surrogacy is somehow an option to choose for them at all. i just know that not everyone would go for it in the first place, we were put before the fact that it is either surrogacy or adoption and out of those two variants I logically thought that surrogacy will still give us a baby who's gonna be ours, or in our case TWINs. Hah.

    but why don't you want to do that? I know that it is hard to decide on but I think that there is nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

  • I was talking about surrogacy. I don't know if I can accept the fact my baby will be in other woman’s bump!! It's quite a hard challenge for me. what do you think about it?

    wow, I missed, my congrats with twins!! It's awesome. I feel a bit jealous

  • i understand you though

    it is very tough and hard to decide on but when you do not have another choice....

    thank you:) soon it's going to be 16 weeks, we'll be seeing their gender :) so keep your congrats for 06/04/17 :D

    PS how are you doing? What’s your updates? Have you any?

    Wishing you the best of luck though, hun! *___*

  • my congrants to you. How are you feeling about it? Are you excited?

    my updates? hm, no, I live a regular life, taking my meds and waiting for the embryo transfer.

    I'm so worried about it because I could be my last chance. My previous as you know attempts didn't give any good results.

    Now I have to be prepared for it. Do you know any tips for positive results haha?

  • i hope that this is going to be your time! I feel like you are ready for your BFP. you know sometimes we feel like we've had enough and this is the time when life decides to cheer us up and gives us everything the best he even could've given!!!

    it is amazingly strange but for me, it always works.

    of course I am excited haha!!

    you should be too! :D

  • Thank you very much.

    I feel like the God got to hear my prayers. I'm so grateful he gave me this chance. I will do my best in order to save the pregnancy. of course, it depends not only on me but...

    For my part I will do everything I can.

    p.s. how are you? how's your baby?

  • my babies are doing great (I hope!)

    we're seeing them next week for now I am looking at their us scans and imagining their future as my kids.. :)

    we're preparing a lot for our SM! i think she needs some proof of our love and appreciation.

    that's great! God is on your side!

    xx

  • it's so nice from you. Why do you think so? You want to be friends with your surrogate? What if she decides to contact with your baby? what will you do in that case? Will you let her to do this?

  • oh well I think that there's nothing wrong with our surrogate to be acquainted with the baby she carried and delivered. of course we would not appreciate her seeing us often but I feel like it is inhuman a bit to forbid her this.

    well I am not yet to decide because my thoughts are all over the place for now. as I cannot keep up my mind really

    but I definitely want to be friends with her. I am thinking of having her addresses and sending her the images and photos of our kids

    What about you? What would you do?

  • Actually I didn't think about it because I wasn't in need of it. I suppose the surrogate is the woman who is carrying a baby. Of course she can love this child or not. She can think about it, talks to her or his bit no more. As you know she doesn't have any relation to a baby who's under her heart.

    I don't want to say she is bad or something like that. I respect her job(her decision to carry a baby for other couple)

    I won't let her to see my child except photos, I will be his only mother and that's it. You know saying a true mother is not the one that gave birth but the one who cared and brought up .

    I will be a great mother

  • this is a common issue I guess how to treat your surrogate mother. whether she deserves to know the child she delivered or not

    of course it is a bit inhuman to think this way but this is the actual reason why women choose commercial surrogacy over altruistic one. because they do not have to see the surrogate mother and can act as if the baby was gifted to them.

    and I totally understand you! you have to do whatever you want :)

    I think the most important thing here is to be happy and as for the SM, they often do not think a lot about the kids they delivered for the IPs and go back to their lives after the program. because they have their own things to think about

  • oh, it sounds a bit selfish from you. as we all human we have to treat others as the human beings. I understand the surrogates will live their own lives but don't they will have some memories of carrying a baby for another woman? I suppose, it will last forever, of course, the clinic work with them. as far as I know, only mentally strong women could be the surrogates and this is understandable. but what's next? as I said, I won't let my child to see that woman, but, Gosh, I have dubious feelings. I haven't think about it before; I didn't have any thoughts about surrogate's attitude to the baby she is carrying.

  • well

    I think that you as an IM have this responsibility of caring for your surrogate mother will the day she delivers a baby because even if she has no mean thoughts she is obviously undergoing a lot of pressure and it is better to show your respect and gratitude towards her because she has this unlimited power and her nerves play the biggest role here, even bigger than the tx of the clinic

    well, I do not see my thoughts and actions as egoistic at all

    well, we all are egoistic because we care about ourselves and even if we say that wellbeing of others is more important for us, we lie.

  • haha, true!

    we are egoistic in our actions, we want to have a baby with the help of other woman and don't think about her feelings and emotions, you are right.

    We are the humans after all and we sometimes put the blame on others. We have to learn how to live in the harmony with each other.

    I'm still waiting for my embryo transfer; I wish it could happen faster :(

  • well, you won't even notice when the ET date comes trust me, like you won't even notice how your surrogate mother gets pregnant and how you become a mother. :)

    this is how time works, my 2ww were the hardest part of all of my surrogacy process and even now as I am at 16 weeks I feel like there are still a lot of weeks before the delivery date but in reality time will fly faster than ever :)

    good luck

    I hope that you will figure everything out and you will feel ok soon

    xx

  • I think it’s just because you nerves and worried about forthcoming trip. Sometimes when we need to take very important decision in your life or to do something important we start constantly think about it, nerves of course it’s a great stress for your organism. Our subconscious starts protect us in order to avoid this stressful situation. Sometimes you can wake up with high temperature or like in your case to have a bad dream. I think there is nothing to worry just take a deep breath and stop panic. Just go to Ukraine, everything will be alright. Wish you pleasant and productive journey.

  • yes, you've just read my thoughts. As i wrote the fly was safe and we have landed successfully. No problems and worries anymore, I'm currently in clinic. The manager met us at the door. Then we had a conversation with the manager.

    We already have been undergone the required tests (blood tests for both, pap smear, sperm count)

    Our sperm test showed that my husband has no problem and I should wait for a gynecologist.

  • Oh bfrida bless you!! I think dreams about planes crashing are very common and anxiety related. I have them often (not that graphic!) but I dream we take off and the plane goes it like a rocket and back down to the ground 🙈 However I am a nervous flyer too! It's never stopped me from travelling though because I know that my reaction to flying (palpitations and sweating) is irrational and it's my brain tricking me into believing something bad will happen when it won't. I think it's also because we have no control over anything. A bit like this whole ivf process. You will be absolutely fine my love, get on that plane and go get your treatment. Wishing you lots of luck x x c

  • I'm not a nervous flyer, I think it's all because of my trip to ukraine. Thanks God, everything was good. I was sitting next to my husband, holding my hand. He wasn't so nervous and tried to encourage me. The landing was successful as well as the fly itself. We were met by the driver and went to the clinic. I didn't want to wait any secind. So, here we are, I have a few minutes to write a little updated.

    Thank you very much for these good words.

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