Second go

Hi ladies, a little advice please, we are embarking on our second attempt at IVF at the start of January, and I am worried about work. They're very supportive, but I'm a head of 2 departments in a manic secondary school, and I haven't been coping too well since our failed go in October. I am not sleeping, and the stress of work is becoming unbearable, and I don't know what to do, as this round is obviously so important to us, but I can't see how I can have a successful crack at IVF with this level of stress..... so do I tell work I'm not coping? Or put treatment on hold? Sorry if that was a bit rambled xx

19 Replies

oldest β€’ newest
  • Hi. I'm a teacher too so can understand the stress of the job. It sounds like you need to be signed off for the 2ww. You don't need to necessarily tell them you're not coping if that makes you uncomfortable just say that you need to give yourself every chance for this to work. If doc signs you off nothing they can do. Good luck xx

  • Thank you, I think you're right, I can't keep putting school first, it's just so hard! Xx

  • Hi I'm no teacher but a health visitor so busy in other ways. IVF is hard and I know how you feel, I felt anxious about my second round. You said there supportive can you take any time off or get signed off ??? can you do it over Easter holidays ??? I would speak to the school,you deserve to do this and you don't want to be stressed out. Maybe there is a policy in place. I took some annual leave and our policy said I could take two weeks off unpaid if I wanted.

    Good luck and feel free to ask me any questions.

    we are currently 10+ pregnant with our second round so good luck to you xxxx

  • Ah congratulations!! No unfortunately in school we aren't entitled to any time off at all. Would I just go and speak to my GP about it? i just want to give this the best chance possible xx

  • I didn't need time off as we did our cycle in the summer so I never found out but I know someone else who did it -not a teacher - but employee of council and they got 2 weeks off paid leave xx

  • Yes ask your go if you can be signed off for it. A good gp will do it xx ❀

  • Hi Hun I posted a similiar thing yesterday.

    A HoY and only RE teacher in a difficult secondary who's about to get more work thrown on top due to people leaving. I have my 2nd and last NHS cycle probably can happen in February but I've been hit with anxiety over work.

    I definitely think I'm going to wait till march or even April.

    I'm going to contact those in SLT who know my situation and let them know that they've put me in this situation which is unfair.

    Also think I'll be looking to get signed off from EC.

    I can't let school or stress be reason for failure xxx

  • Totally agree, do you really want to wait? For some reason in a school you are made to feel like if you weren't there the world would stop, and all the kids would fail!! It's bloody terrible x I hope SLT have the sense to reduce your workload xx

  • I don't really Hun but at the moment I feel so anxious and stressed about work that it would impact my cycle massively. I hate that I've been placed in this situation.

    There a massive staffing situation at my place so it's all hands on deck. Jobs are advertised but for Easter and if we get anyone.

    I'm so so scared to do my cycle and go through crap at work at same time. Defo will be looking at getting signed off though. I know people say in 2ww it's good to keep busy but as you know as a teacher that we have way too busy and too stressful. I need to concentrate on me!

    It's a tough school too with some tough clientele and I don't want to risk anything!

    I've cried about it all since Wednesday. I need to speak to a deputy tomorrow although they can't do anything.

    Where you based x

  • I work in Essex, and I swear the stress I was under last time definitely contributed to the negative outcome. They emailed me as I missed a year 11 parents evening due to my EC being on that day, and they told me I was causing them problems!! And then in the next breath saying how supportive they were! This is why I'm thinking if I get signed off in the second week until the test day I will be able to focus, I teach drama and dance, so there's no chance of taking it easy!!! I hope it goes ok tomorrow for you, it's really not fair for you to have to put your life on hold because of work, and they need to know that xxx

  • Messaging you xxx

  • wow... you have a lot going on in your life, i am not surprised you have been dealing with a lot of stress.. I think if you go for ivf attempt there is no place for stress for the time of the treatment and later for the first 3 months of your pregnancy. it can negatively affect your chances of getting pregnant.

    i am in a depression right now but I am using a surrogacy program, and there is a surrogate mother somewhere in Ukraine that bears my child and gives him all of the best vibes she can. so I can be stressed as long as I "want"...

    but it's either you postpone the treatment or take a break from your work. at least for the time you have an embryo transfer and all kinds of stimulations.

    good luck!

  • Hi. See your gp and get a sick note for at least the tww. You do need to put urself first and not let work be a reason to cause you stress through this. Good luck and make urself priority in this xx

  • I agree, it's worth talking to your GP. I'm in the 2ww and not a teacher but have a busy and emotionally stressful job. This is possibly our only attempt due to my age and so I went part time. I'm very fortunate to be able to do that, on top of paying for the cycle, but any way to reduce the stress is worth it for me. I have also taken some sick leave when I felt anxious or poorly from the drugs. Not always easy I know, but worth trying to reduce stress as much as possible. Best of luck xx

  • Hi there, I'm a teacher and know exactly how you feel. I've been told many times that stress is the biggest factor in success rates for IVF, so if you need the time off, take it. You will not be thanked for being there. In terms of dealing with the stress on a day-to-day basis, have you tried mindfulness? My GP recommended a particular book to me when I was struggling quite badly with work after our first failed attempt and it really helped me. We are now 5 weeks pregnant after an FET and I really think that practising mindfulness has helped us to get there. PM me if you would like to know what it is called. Wishing you the best of luck. Xx

  • Is it possible to take time off work?

    I would do it if I were you ...

  • Hey I'm a secondary teacher too so I know some of the pressure you're put under and the relentlessness of it. I would decide what you want first. Do you just want 2wk wait off (in which case your GP will sign you off for the second el probably and you self certify for the first wk. Or you could try speaking to your GP and ask if they can amend your work hrs (ie to reduce stress they could say that you are only to teach x hours or not do duty or have registration free. I was off for depression last year and my GP was very helpful working out what would be good to reduce stress at work. Can I also recommend headspace app.its great for mindfulness. Best of luck.

  • Thank you all so much for your support ladies, I've decided to ask the GP to sign me off a few days before EC as last time I had to go into the clinic everyday for about 5 days, which is just a bit manic if nothing else, as my clinic is in Harley street! I really have appreciated your input, so thanks you again xxx

  • Hi Aleelilook,

    I'm in a similar situation to yourself. Further to early miscarriage from our first round of IVF in September, we await our second round in January, I have a very stressful job, a great deal of staff have recently left and we're running on a skeleton crew.

    I'm feeling incredibly anxious and like I cannot cope with the pressures of work and everything else. Though I've saved a weeks annual leave for ivf, I feel that I need more time off leading up to ivf to regain my emotional equilibrium or I'll implode. I think we need to do this to give ourselves the best chance and we should set aside guilt for needing this time.

    Good luck and love to you. Xx

You may also like...