Trying to remain positive but does the worry ever go away?!

[Lilli79]

I'm 13 weeks with twins. So yesterday I started to bleed a little, it went red to brown so thought it was getting better. Called midwife clinic and they booked me in for a scan this morning. Overnight I started to bleed more heavily, not gushing but more like a period. Passed a few small clots and kept bleeding. I was mildly calm this morning but on the drive to the hospital I convinced myself it was all over and the fears of having to go through ivf again just killed me. I sat in the hospital car park crying my eyes out. Went in for scan and burst into tears again as soon as I went into the scan room. The staff/nurses there were probably the most lovely and compassionate people I have met so far on this process. I was ecstatic when they scanned and told me that babies were doing absolutely fine, I started to blub again if course. The clinic midwife spoke to me after and she went through possible causes, and gave me massive reassurance. In total I was in the clinic for 4 hours as the midwife wanted to speak to the consultant on shift to make sure we'd covered all bases. While I was in the hospital I passed a massive blood clot in the toilet which seems to have helped with the bleeding. Midwife thinks it's a low lying placenta on one baby and she said she is happy to scan me again in 2 weeks, even if bleeding has stopped but she did say that its possible I could bleed for a while anyway and not to worry unless it's very heavy (in which case go to A&E). This all gave me a huge sense of relief, but does the worry ever stop?! Feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if this happens again. Sorry just needed a polite vent! 😆 Thanks everyone for your help yesterday xx

[Cinderella5]

Ahhh Im so pleased to hear your update that everything is ok Lilli! Cant help with the worry part as I havent been there although I cant imagine it goes away! Look after yourself.xx

[Lilli79 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thanks Cinderella 😊 I do think they should pre warn you about all these things, the NHS website was not helpful at all, apparently all bleeding is BAD! Nice not to be freaked out now! xx

[Crowpingpongg]

I don't think you ever switch off or stop worrying. Just look after yourself and the twins and follow all advice given xx

[Kathy_t]

Glad everything is fine! I hear you on the worry! I'm 9 weeks with icsi twins and keep getting the fear that my 12 week scan is gonna reveal 1 instead of two despite the 7 week scan showing two healthy twins - agh! X

[Lilli79 in reply to Kathy_t]

Congrats on your twins Kathy! Yeah I know right? On midwife appt I burst into tears (again - emotional or what?!) and she felt sorry for me so booked me in for a reassurence scan so including the scan today I've had scans at week 8,11,12 & 13 😯 I lost my last baby at week 12 so I think the panic is getting the better of me. I feel emotionally and physically drained today (took a sickie off work which I never do) so hope I feel better tomorrow. Tonnes of good luck for your 12 week scan xx

[Kathy_t in reply to Lilli79]

So good that they're giving you reassurance scans! That's great news. Sorry to hear about your baby loss I'm freaking out that'll happen too - agree the worry is there at the back of my mind! Are your twins gonna be identical? Mine aren't - convinced it's gonna be one of each too! X

[Lilli79 in reply to Kathy_t]

Hi Kathy also non identical twins - we had an icsi double transfer so I guess at the back of my mind I was expecting twins but I wasn't if you know what I mean! I'd love a boy and a girl - that would be amazing. I always told myself I wanted a surprise but now I think I'd like to find out ❤️ xx

[Kathy_t in reply to Lilli79]

Ah same boat then!! I thought only one of the two embryos would stick but they both got comfy! 😊 I was the same thinking I wanted a surprise but I'm also now wavering and think I might want to know agh! X

[kumkums]

Aww, you have really gone through a lot, I hope the bleeding stops and you can enjoy this journey.

[Hidden]

Congratulations and wow, you've been through a lot. We had a 10 year infertility journey and what I learnt about myself and emotions I am forever truly grateful. The worry does stop, you couldn't keep worrying forever even if you wanted to! You can't keep hold of any feeling forever even if you wanted to. If you are a habitual worrier what you actually worry about may change but this is caused by a mis-understanding of what worry really is. We tend to think our feelings are telling us something about life or us. However that's not true. Feeling don't know anything about us or life. They are caused by thought in the moment. Stories we are telling ourselves about the future. The thing is nothing can predict the future not even your thoughts. Worry is a misuse of imagination. Your deeper instinct/intuition is different to feelings like worry. However we often confuse the two and give the worry more attention than it deserves. I've created a short youtube video about stress and worry:

youtu.be/DLChFPyG3Iw(Not working as expected?)

Russellx

[Tugsgirl]

Oh Lilli I can feel your stress and relief through this post. I really feel for you and hope that all will continue to be well with your little ones and that you will soon be able to relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy xx

[Lilli79 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thanks Tugs - it really was a horrible day of emotions all over the place xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

You poor thing!

My friend bled all the way through her (Singleton) pregnancy and she now has a gorgeous girl of nearly three. It was terribly worrying but her daughter is worth it.

Big hugs xx

[Lilli79 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thanks Lizzie, it's good to know that others went through the same - still bleeding today but not so bad. I walked into work so I'm hoping this is the last of it just working its way out because of the mild exercise. I feel a million times better today thanks to the reassurance of the midwife 😊 xx

[Hidden]

Great news and the midwives sound amazing xx