Will it ever happen for us 😔

Today is OTD and it's our 3rd IVF failure this year 😢. We're devastated again and just so tired of it all, I think I've been preparing myself all week as I've been spotting since Sunday but there's always that little thread of hope isn't there. I needn't have done the test really as my period started before I even got chance.

Right now I honestly don't know if I can keep putting us through this but I guess I can wait till the new year when my head is a bit clearer. The thought of us never being parents is too much to bear but I'm not sure where you stop either.

I hope 2017 is a better year for lots of us on here xxx

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  • Hi Georgina,

    I also haven't been on here recently but the title of your message hit home for me so I wanted to reply. Our circumstances aren't the same but then neither is anyone's fertility story - as we each have our own story. After twenty years of on and off TTC, I got my 'dream come true' moment twice this past year but sadly both pregnancies resulted in miscarriages. Our only chance is IVF but I dont think we can do it again, aside from the cost factors, I just don't know if we can face it all again. We decided that after 4 full-on years of TTC and operations (lap etc) that we just needed a few months break from it. The few months has turned into 6 months off and boy, did we need it. I've eaten whatever I've wanted, I've had chocolate, coffee, glasses of wine, pimms, Baileys (god, I'd forgotten how delish these things were). We have decided to have another conversation at the end of Jan next year to decide whether to give IVF one last go or whether to explore fostering/adoption routes or whether to accept that we won't have children.

    It's such a difficult decision to make and I really believe that you need to give yourself a lengthy period of time and recouperation to heal before even attempting to think more clearly about what it is that you both want. I know that feeling where I'm literally panicking when I see the calendar whizzing past as I see our chance of a family going further out of my grasp. I suppose I'm just trying to say that in my relationship .... until we took the last 4 months off TTC to rest and recharge, I just hadn't realised just how run down and exhausted we both were.

    Give yourself and your partner time to care for each other for a while as you're probably both in need of a rest, emotionally and physically.

    Sending hugs and a virtual large glass of Baileys and giant bar of chocolate....

  • Thank you for your lovely message Twistedwillow, you seem to mirror exactly how I feel even though like you say everyone's story is different. I think the feelings are often the same though.

    So sorry to hear of your struggles too, it's so hard isn't it. I think you're definitely right about needing a decent break, after our first cycle we had to wait three months and that was definitely needed (and I also ate & drank whatever I wanted, I won't ever take that for granted again!) and I think it will be the same again, as it's been a fresh cycle (my clinics policy) We only waited 1 month between the frozen & this cycle because of the 'clock ticking' factor, and although I don't regret it now, I really don't think it's enough time to get your heads together and just enjoy life as a couple like you did before.

    We too will be thinking about our next steps, right now I can't stand the thought of us never being a family (in the traditional sense) although having worked in child protection I have seen how difficult adoption can sometimes be, but also how wonderful so we're undecided right now.

    Thanks again for getting in touch, I would never wish this on anyone but there's such comfort in knowing someone totally gets it..and thanks for the virtual treats, there will definitely be some of that, it's been a while 😏 Xxx

  • I'm really sorry Georgina. It is really devastating and I wish it had been better news for you.

    Just wanted to wish you all the best with whatever you decide for your next step and I hope you are able to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself the best you can.

    I agree that I hope 2017 is a better year for lots of us here. xx

  • Thanks so much city 😘Xx

  • I'm sorry it never worked out for you Georgina, I hope 2017 is a better one for you xxx

  • Thanks Hun, I have everything crossed for you xx

  • So sorry to hear this, look after yourself and make sure you give yourself a huge treat xx

  • Thank you crazy_cat, my hubby has told me to book in some spa treatments & we're going to the Christmas markets this weekend so looking forward to that. You have to have normality and things to look forward to in this process don't you xx

  • That sounds lovely you have a good one there.

    You certainly do have to have something or I think we would all go loopy in this horrible journey xx

  • I definitely do, I try to never lose sight of that in the fraughtness of fertility treatment xx

  • Really sorry, we have had 3 failed cycles this year so sadly I know exactly how you feel. We have had a good break now and are ready to move forward with DE treatment.

    Take a good break and look after yourselves xxx

  • Thanks button, I remember us being at similar points along the way this year, so sorry it hasn't worked out for you too but I'm glad you feel ready and are moving forward with your next steps.

    Fingers crossed for 2017 for us! Xxx

  • Aw defo hoping 2017 is a good year for us both xxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this. It's not fair. Don't rush into making decisions, take time to grieve and recover. Only you and your hubby know how much you can take and whether you are able to continue with treatment. The decision making process would be easier if it could be fully informed by medical explanations for failures.

    Sending you a virtual hug.

  • Thank you pm, it would definitely be easier if there was some explanations, it feels like the not knowing what's going wrong is as difficult as the failures themselves. I know you probably understand that too 😢We're definitely going to take some time out, there's a wait for appointments with the consultant so that's probably a good thing xx

  • It's so frustrating when you get a "Don't know" when you ask for reasons why it hasn't worked. I asked our second consultant why. After saying there is so much they don't know, she added she wished she did know who would respond to treatment and there'd be 100% success rate and they would know who wouldn't respond and not to start treatment. After 3 rounds of ICSI , using DE in round 3, 3 BFNs and the wrong side of 40 her explanation didn't help but it did put things on perspective.

  • I guess there's so much they just can't know, or not yet anyway. One day hopefully 🙏🏻 Might be too late for some of us though 😔 Xx

  • Ah I'm so sorry darling. I was really rooting for you. It's such a blow so give yourself time away from the whole shitty process to just be normal for a bit. Sending you lots of love xxxx

  • Aw thank you Sarah, definitely having a break and some normality, in fact I got a little tipsy last night..it's been so long 😬Xx

  • Hi there, I'm sorry to hear you didn't have good news. I've had 2 failed cycles and now in my third. It's devastating, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself, it still completely floors you.

  • Thsbks Ems, it does floor you even when you think you've prepared yourself for the worst 😔 Hope it's 3rd time lucky for you xx

  • So sorry to hear this. It is always such a shock. This process is so hard. Really feel for you xx

  • Thank you katya xx

  • Aw Georgina78, i'm sorry to read this 😥 And not much I can say will ease the upset you feel. Take time out to try and get your head round it, its so easy to tell yourself that you want to go again straight away as it helps in filling the void, but just have a break, relax and try to enjoy xmas and then see how you feel in the new year. I have till my 40th next november and then its end of the road for us, but if your in a position to go again then do it only when your fully ready and know your body is. Try to keep busy and hopefully 2017 will be a better year for you xx

  • Thank you baby, we can go again (I'm 40 in January 2018 so next year is crucial) but I think there's quite a wait for a consultant appointment so that's probably a good thing. I think my head and body need a decent break, this morning I've had the most horrendous period pain (and I'm used it it being bad 😳) so I think my body has had enough for now.

    Thanks for your wishes and I really hope 2017 is your year too xxx

  • Hey hunny. I am sorry to hear things didn't work out this time round. Please do not blame yourself and just take a break from it all. Enjoy your Christmas and new year hopefully things will work out in the new year. Wishing you all the best sweetheart x

  • Thanks so much Hun, it's hard not to blame yourself isn't it but I know I did all I could. I'm concerned it could be my endometriosis preventing it but I'm powerless to change that 😕 Thanks for your wishes xx

  • Hey hunnie so sorry for ur BFN..has anyone advised you to have 2 embryos put back?? Just we got negatives with 1 embie but got BFP first time with 2 transfered..i pray 2017 brings ur longed 4 little miracle xxx

  • Hey Hun we did have 2 this time, and on our first cycle too but it hasn't made any difference for us 😔 Thanks for your wishes xx

  • Oooh babez am so sorry wonder if the embie glue would be of any use for you..bless you xx

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