It will all be worth it...: This is a... - Fertility Network UK

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It will all be worth it...


This is a bit of a mixed bag post, a bit of a rant, a bit of a ramble and a bit deep... So i apologise in advance!

Last Tuesday I went for my laparoscopy. The results were no tubal damage, no adhesions and no endometriosis, a fabulous result. The only thing stopping us now is DH sperm and my slightly polycystic ovaries. We have a clinic appt at some point and will hopefully get all the fundng sorted for our first cycle of IVF 🤞

Prior to the surgery I met Dr Crap again... This is the doctor who couldn't be bothered to get my notes when we first turned up to clinic waaaay back when and sent us away to think about our decisions for 6 months with no treatment plan whatsoever... This is the doctor I put a complaint in about and was told would never see them again... This is the doctor who sat the other side of her desk ignoring us in our first appt whilst their phone was going off and repeatedly told me I was "fat" and it was "my fault" we weren't pregnant. (I like cake but my bmi is within range.) This doctor took one look at me last week and basically told me I was pathetic for being told by our amazing consultant that I would need 2 weeks off post op regardless of what they did in theatre because of my job. They threw the consent form at me told me to initial the boxes and swanned off... no questions, nothing. I then had to go chasing round after them because my lovely consultant had said if my tubes were damaged would I be happy for them to be removed-yes I would be. But it wasnt on the consent form? Next Dr Crap tells me I would need to wait another 3-6 months for another op to remove my tubes if need be because I "have to think about the implications". Yes I've thought about it since March, it's all been agreed, its in my notes just add it on. They refused point blank. I then found a nurse (in tears at this point) who told me normally they do do everything in one go, no faffing about as long as it's in the notes as discussed before. This nurse had to go and pull the covering consultant out of theatre who actually read my notes and agreed that was the plan. The consultant couldn't apologise enough, I did say it wasn't their fault Dr Crap hadn't bothered to read my notes (again).

Needless to say I will be ringing the clinic today and asking them to completely blackmark from Dr Craps list. It's such a shame that a fantastic result of surgery can be marred by such a bitch with a chip on their shoulder who shows no empathy and obviously doesn't give a sh*t about the kind of job they're in. You'd think if you were dealing with people who were struggling with infertility you'd be a little bit nicer. Obviously not...

Anyway, rant over... if you're going for a laparoscopy and do a job that involves anything other than binge watching Jezza K, I strongly suggest taking 2 weeks off. I have quite a high pain threshold but the pain post op and the bruises I've got have been quite an issue... topped off with the mother of all migraines yesterday due to too much codeine 🙁 my husband keeps asking me if I've had a wash as my belly is a dirty brown and green colour from the bruises... cheeky bugger. I would like to say he's been really supportive over the last week or so but he's been living the life, mingling with his friends, going away, spending more time at work then he needs to, so I can't really. There have been points when I've been on my own the last week and questioned why we are together and if our marriage would survive a failed IVF cycle... and then in the irritating way he does, he hugs me and it's like everything is right again. Im such a sucker for physical affection.

I have to keep telling myself this is all going to be worth it... It's got to be... I held my friends 2 week old baby the other day and nearly cried at how perfect she was and I just hope someday I'll get to hold my own perfect little being. It's going to be worth it.

11 Replies

I hope you get your wish xx

glt01 in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you xx

Awwww you nearly had me in tears then. This really is a b**ch of a journey isn’t it!

Sorry your doctor has been so ridiculously crap but I hope you can see her attitude as her problem and know it’s in no way a reflection on you, it definitely sounds like she’s in the wrong job.

And I completely understand about the strain this puts on a marriage. I’ve had times when I’m not sure we’ll survive this but we do and we will, infertility won’t beat us and once I get past feeling sorry for myself that we have to be in this awful situation at all, I have to tell myself that men are just completely different beings and look for how he shows he cares in his own way.

When we all get through this horrendous battle, I’m so sure we’ll be stronger than we ever imagined.

Good luck for the next step and a speedy recover from your lap, Jezza will always make you remember things could be worse!! Xx

glt01 in reply to Franco81

Thank you, I hope your journey is going well.xx


I’m so sorry you have been treated so badly and hope she gets dealt with. I agree with Franco81 it’s definitely her issue and not your fault. She should not be in the fertility business not at all compassionate.

I have had some bad experiences with a few medics and I know how exhausting it is to “ fight” these so called experts; my latest one was my endo specialist who was happy to leave me with horrific symptoms for eight months which even shocked my GP who has written to him and my fertility specialist who has ensured they referred me to a colorectal specialist it wasn’t for my fertility doctor they wouldn’t have. I’m not sure if that makes you feel any better but you are definitely not alone.

I’m glad you have found a specialist that you can trust; my fertility doctor is the only specialist I can truly trust. Can this consultant be your fertility doctor? It’s so important to be able to trust your fertility doctor and you can’t go back to that useless doctor; I’m sure something will happen to her because of her errors 👍

I wish you luck on your journey. Also glad the surgery went went and showed mostly normal phew! That’s very positive you have your answers and tweak here and there and you’ll be good to go ❤️❤️❤️ xoxo

glt01 in reply to Hidden

That sounds horrendous :( I'm glad you're finally on the track to being sorted now.

So our consultant is our fertility doctor but just isn't operating at the moment so I got moved onto another consultants list for the lap. Hopefully all going well we will go back and see our consultant in clinic for the post op appt.

Thank you for your message, means a lot to know we're not on our own!xxx


Hi glt01. Such a long post, but I DID read it all. At the beginning you mentioned that your laparoscopy revelead that your Fallopian tubes were both OK, so why do they need removing?? Only when there is a danger of excess lubrication leaking back into the womb, are they a problem, as this fluid can prevent implantation of a developing embryo, so need to check about that one. The bruising you had sounds horrific, but hopefully you will be on to the next shade of "yellow" as they improve. If any of my team had spoken to you or treated you in the way that consultant did, they would have been on the next bus home!! I'm just so sorry that this has happened to you. I don't know whether it would help, but I do have a list of questions I could email you in confidence if you want. Most won't be appropriate, but there may be a few you might like to ask. Also, if your husband's sperm count is questionable, you may need to have ICSI, so get that clarified. My email address is

Thinking of you. Diane

glt01 in reply to DianeArnold

Diane, thank you for your reply. The consultant originally thought my tubes were really badly damaged so that was why they wanted to do the laparoscopy and possibly removal all in one. Luckily it showed no damage so they've remained in place.

We've been recommended ICSI so that's the next step once we've had our funding approved.

The surprising thing about that Doctor is that they're a reg, working under an amazing consultant. It's just a shame that they feel they can treat people like that!

I'm happy to answer any questions and will drop you an email. Thank you.


Keep going! You are so brave!


glt01 in reply to Hidden

Thank you, I think we all are on this journey, no one's on their own xxx

Hidden in reply to glt01

Yes def not easy.

You are doing really well!


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