Being naughty with requirements ??

Hi, girls. Briefly we've booked DE IVF program in Biotexcom on the 8th of Feb. As we have to use donor eggs we want this to be the best candidate. So here are some requirements we pushed.

For us it was important for our donor to have dark eyes and hair. As I want my baby to resemble my appearance. Also we wanted her to be the one with the college degree, having at least two healthy children by herself. Of course – average weight. Well, some minor points as well….

We've already got some candidates to choose from, but they have babies of 1.5 and 2.8 years old. Well, we wanted them to have at least 2. But here comes the question. Is 1.5 years enough to establish that the baby is absolutely healthy?? Or we're too strict in our judgments?

We have this small hesitation but so want the process finally start. You may vote for the one with 2.8 baby, but my heart goes for the first one.

What do you think, lovelies? Are we too naughty?

Hugs xxx

10 Replies

  • I'm sorry to hear that you have had to make the painful decision to use a donor egg. As another woman I can have empathy and I admire your strength and determination to be a mother.

    However this is where you may not like my opinion. If my opinion offends then I apologise. I myself was on an egg sharing program last year and I don't think it's the clinics business or right to know someone's educational background. I had a child at 16 and did not get an education. I chose to provide and raise my wonderful 17 year old son. I was looked down by my (now ex) clinic for not having an education and told it would be harder for me to find someone to donate my eggs to. I felt under valued as a person.All I wanted to do was help another woman achieve her baby dream as I know the pain of infertility. (I did get matched up but due to health issues had to decline) It is so wrong to judge someone on something as shallow as an education. My son was and is my number one priority. He has made me so proud and lucky to be his mother. He has passed all his GCSEs and got many a's. And has a chance of playing professional rugby. (He plays for bath academy u18's) and has scholarship to a posh independent sought after school in Bath, to do 3 respected A Levels. Now I wonder if a recipient would base their decision on me the dropout or my incredible son? Someone who is willing to donate eggs is an amazing, kind, and unselfish to give another woman the chance she may not have otherwise. Deserves admiration. It makes me angry that clinics are even allowed to ask such questions, what are we doing creating designer babies? Disgusting. Shouldn't be allowed. All any recipient should know is physical characteristics of the donor can understand the importance of the child looking like you. Any donor would have under gone a strict health checks with the clinic would have liaise with the donors GP. Be rest assured any donor would be in prime health and I'm sure the clinic would've asked any health problems with the donors child/ren.

    I wish you the best with your journey and hope it brings you a baby.X

  • Well said Jess 1981, i totally agree with you x

  • I agree with donnauk88, you've clearly done a fab job with your son Jess1981! I hope you get your health issues resolved so you can start moving forward with IVF and your dream to be a mum again x

  • Hi Mel,

    I can understand why you would want certain things from your donor but I agree with jess1981. I don't overly think it is the donor who would need to have the attributes you desire, as you as parents will be the ones to grow and nurture your baby into a wonderful little human, showing them how to achieve and be a great person! You will teach morals and desires in your child and will be the one to help and support every step of the way. Sorry if this isn't what you want to see, but it is 100% your choice x

    Massive well done Jess on your sons brilliant results and achievements! 😄 X

  • I agree with Jess also - discrimination against education from a donor egg person just shows what is wrong with the world these days and I'm sure Jess you have a lot of wonderful attributes and I admire you big time. Well done on raising your son to being the young man he is today - wonderful in all ways possible and I'm sure your beaming with how pride xxx

  • Please forgive me if this post comes across as arrogant. I am just really surprised at how people can be biased based on educational background. This is a LIFE and a baby is a gift to be cherished regardless of how smart they are/will become. Your not choosing a car here it's a person!! Who cares how smart they are?

    Me and my brother share the exact same genes and my parents both had fantastic jobs and educational qualifications. My brother is now very successful and I'm more middle of the road holding down two kids and two jobs. - They don't care, they love the children they made and placed no expectation on us. You can't cherry pick qualities like that. Let them be healthy and let them be loved. I'm my opinion that's the only thing any mother should want.

    This is only my opinion, but I think there are some ladies on here that would be incredibly greatful at any chance of a child regardless of how they turn out!

    Good luck anyway xx

  • So true. Out of my brother, sister and myself were all the same (nearly) but all have different things we excell at, I have 2 jobs own 2 properties and achieved good results from school and college, whereas my sister academically didn't do as well but is renting and holding down 2 jobs and a son. My brother is dyslexic and has a form of autism, but is brilliant with fixing cars and fiddling with things more hands on. All 3 of us have the same love and support from our parents and wouldn't want us any other way xx

  • Sorry but this post upsets me when there are many people can not have children, it makes me wonder what will happen if you have a babe with a few problems and needs extra help with special needs etc or has any number of disabilities ? As I said yes this post upsets me.

  • I doubt a person's education can get passed to their eggs so education of the donor is irrelevant.

    I can see why you would want a child who looks like and, of course, that they're healthy. There's no reason to believe that the younger child will have health problems and no reason to believe that eggs from the same donor would also have health problems.

    You may have got caught up in the whole 'process' of IVF but this isn't something to be 'naughty' about and other forumites aren't going to 'vote' for which donor you choose. You're talking about your baby so go with whichever donor you think will give you best chance of conceiving, regardless of whether you think a particular egg will end up passing some exams in 20 years.

    Good luck with whatever you choose.

  • We used donor eggs for our 3rd round of ICSI.

    You're lucky to be offered a choice. We were offered 1 donor who was a close physical match to hubby, I'd have preferred the donor to have been more of a physical match for me but her pen portrait was so similar to what I'd have written that swung it for me. If we'd said no the clinic would have continued to look for us.

    We knew nothing about the donor except hair, eye colour, height and skin tone. We didn't know her age but donors are under 36 years at our clinic. I didn't consider academic achievements of importance. I was just so grateful for the chance to use younger eggs. You never know what you're going to get in the genetic mix so having a degree isn't a guarantee of the baby's academic potential. There are plenty of very bright people who don't go to university.

    Donors in the UK undergo very strict medical screening so if there were any medical or physiological concerns they wouldn't be allowed to be a donor.

    Go with whichever donor you feel happiest with or reconsider your preferences. Perhaps have a look at The Donor Conception website.

    Unfortunately we still got a BFN.

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