Fertility Network UK

my partner more stressed re IVF than me!!

Hi girls ,

We have our first IVF app Tuesday , and whilst I am nervous but also looking forward to it as this is hopefully a big step towards our baby. I am naturally a very laid back person, sometimes to laid back for my own good. ( although this IVF is all I seem to have in my brain) my boyfriend on the other hand , has been very - shall we say " tetchy" I know it's a big deal for him too , he will never admit he's worried . But, he does get wound up easily , and I'm slightly concerned about Tuesday's app because I don't want him to get all stressie at the appointment . This happens before once at our last app - they basically wouldn't ref us due to my bmi being 30.2 , and he got stressed re this. Of course I was annoyed but I just deal with things , he seems to go into the why's and wherefores.

I know he also is thinking that we will need to move and me give up work when the time comes so I know this is all playing on his mind. But to be honest , I could quote do without this all . It's me they is going through the treatment , but the past few weeks it's kind of like treading on egg shells . He is supportive don't get me wrong but surely it should be me stressed to the max - not him ! Rant over .....

Be nice to hear your views / stories re your partners .

Thanks girls .

( this site is like my little site of hope ) x

3 Replies

And they say us women are complicated. Men... They're funny little creatures.

I had an interesting chat with my man a few weeks ago and he was so clammed up that I panicked he even wanted children! Every single emotion seems to play its part in this journey... And me and you are only at the beginning! I watch all these other women and my head is filled with hope, smiles and relief for them.

I figured out that the stress and shortness of temper was down to a lot of worry for me. He wants me to be happy and he can see what I'm going through. Maybe that's the same for you. Try not to over worry about it xx

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I guess it's hard for the men because they feel powerless in this. You're the one who will be injecting, you're the one who will be carrying the baby so it can be difficult for them to feel part of it, I think. I went to counselling when I started this process and she told me to include my husband as much as I could. So he came to every appointment with me and I would tell him when I was injecting every night. I know some people get their husband to inject for them as well.

My husband does triathlons so he gets his stress out during his training. If your husband had an outlet like this, maybe it could help. I also talked him into coming with me to a half day relaxation workshop 2 weeks before treatment. We both really enjoyed it and I certainly felt good after. Going for walks together and just talking about everything is really good too.

I'd also say not to look too far in the future, just concentrate on what needs to be done today. When I started out, my mind was racing ahead to the next set of injections, the test date and the what ifs. I found it easier when I only focused on what had to be done that day. One step at a time. Try not to think about the move or job until that day actually comes. You both have enough to be thinking about.

Consider counselling as well. This process is difficult enough and if you have someone impartial to talk to, it can help.

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Hello, Aimaim! This is quite a good deal that your partner worries about it that much)

It's just common thing I suppose that two loving hearts support each other. Probably women are more likely to fall into depression and stress on this point, but still I can say the same about my husband)

We're in the case of malformation of the womb plus mild form of a heart disease. No male fertility issues. For a real professional it's enough to tell the people that they won't bring a baby to life on their own. But we came across not that kind of a consultant.. He insisted we were to try ivf treatment first before making any other decision. Also to make sure we can't do it.

Imagine what? We followed his advice! And did a terrible mistake not having listened to other points of views. He sounded so knowing and understanding!..

Well that was silly of us but we did tried TWO ivf cycles. Both failured of course. And guess what? My lovely husband was so nervous each time that it was impossible for me to share a single word of wisdom with him. I have never seen him in such a condition before and after that! That doesn't mean I just stayed behind, survived stress as well but not that way my honey did.

I cannot imagine my husband's reaction to the process now when we've got to know about our being candidates for surrogacy or adoption!!...


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