Partner wants me to go go job-hunting for a better job while we undergo IVF treatment :(

Hi everyone,

I am currently working as a Nanny but due to me starting IVF on the 31.12. my boss will put her child into a nursery part time from mid January. This means that instead of 45 hrs I will be working 25 hrs per week. Of course this means less money.

My partner understands that I will need a lot of time off to go to my appointments but he doesn't want me to stay in my current job.

He basically wants me to search for a better paid job with more hours straight away. On Friday he sent me a link to S1 jobs for a nursery officer/manager role which pays really well. Thing is I don't want to work in a leading nursery role as I don't have the experience, I am a Nanny and have 12 years experience there and I don't want to go job-hunting right now while I am about to start my IVF.

I freaked out and got soo stressed out that I ended up with a 2 day migraine. My periods were so light as well it was weird. I have an ear infection as well right now and those got worse, too.

I decided that I put up a post online on a child care website to look for extra hrs just so that he will sh*t up but I am very stressed right now and realized that for the next 6-8 weeks the IVF is the most important thing to me.

I would totally agree with my DP if I was unemployed but I have a job!! I have always worked 45-60 hrs as a Nanny per week and this is the first time in my life that I have to cut down my hrs to concentrate on IVF treatment and it is just for 6-8 weeks in my life.

He says he doesn't want me to focus so much on the IVF as it might not work Great but if I am totally stressed out then it definitely won't work and all that will happen is me having panic attacks. I love children to bits but I might need a break from child care if the IVF doesn't work as its too painful already to see cute little babies every day. So I was actually thinking to switch to a housekeeping job or something like that for a few months while I sort my nerves out...

Has anyone any idea how to deal with this and how to explain to a partner that I just need a little break right now to deal with all this? He just acts like its not happening....aaaaagghhhh help!

Thank you all for reading this xx

[Hidden]

Oh Lovely, I am so sorry for you to be feeling so stressed out, it is wrong of your partner to say that to you what a thing to say YOUR BOTH are about to start you IVF journey soon not just you he should be supporting you and with you through every bit of it NOT stressing you out the one thing you don't need is any stress or upset the moment you start your journey at the end of the mth or im sorry to say it won't work for you both. Ask him want is more important to him having a family or earning abit more money.

You will be needing alot of time off for your appointments and plenty of rest after your EC and ET.

Im not working my self at the moment my hubby didn't force me into getting a job for more money, lucky it worked for us the first time and im now pregnant after wishing for a baby and TTC for many years.

Do what you feel is right for you if you want to change your line of work thats down to you and he should be supportive in what ever you decide to do.

The whole point your both going through IVF is for a baby ( family) so thats the main thing you BOTH should be focusing on right now tell him not having the stress of looking for a new job.

If you feel you need to talk to some one im here for you.

I wish you lots of luck with your journey. Sending you a big hug as i think you need one right now. XXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much inhopeofababy, for your kind words & the hug I really needed that xxx

Congratulations on your pregnancy and especially that it worked straight away!! That is amazing.You are so lucky to have such a supportive partner - I wish mine was a little bit more like that. I will talk to him tonight and hopefully he will see that all this stress he puts me under is not helping things at all. Thank you again. I wish you all the best for your pregnancy xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou its still trying to sink in with me we only found out Friday i have a scan on the 29th Dec. Yes try talking to him tonight and make sure he understands all the stress his putting you under isn't helping and once you start your treatment at the end of the mth thats one thing you don't need is any stress. Like you said its not like your not working you can concentrate on finding more work if you want to after your treatment and once you both know its all worked for you two aswell, your main focus for you both right now is your IVF and making it work for you both. Wish you all the best with it and hope it works for you the first time around also. Talk to one another don't argue. Talk care lots of love to you XXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, he just called me as he will be back late and he could tell straight away that something wasn't right so he asked me to tell him on the phone.

So I told him that all this pressure to go job hunting is stressing me out and making me panicky and that I would rather wait with looking for a new job until I know the outcome of the IVF.

He told me that he didn't want me to be all stressed out and panicky and that if its easier to wait - that this will be okay.

So we decided to wait until February when we know if it has worked. We get 2 attempts but sometimes they let you wait 6 months in-between treatments. So we wait until February and whatever the outcome we will take it from there.

I am soo glad that we talked and we didn't argue we just talked about it in a friendly way so that helped

P.S.: Good luck for your scan!! Will be thinking of you

Thank you & lots of love to you as well xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Im so glad for you that you talked and sorted it out and that he understands.

The most important thing for you right now is NO stress and for you both to get a positive result. Your lucky you get 2 attempts we only got the 1 cycle are your 2 cycles with the NHS or private?

And thankyou i can't wait for my scan so i know every thin is ok and its real and im not just dreaming it all.

If you ever feel like you need to talk just msg me.

Lots of love and luck to you XXXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Our 2 cycles are with the NHS so lucky, I know!! The only downside is my very low AMH and Endometriosis but we are trying to stay positive and optimistic. Just soo glad we get those 2 cycles as in other countries people have to pay a fortune for just one attempt. Oooohh I know it must feel so surreal to finally have that BFP!!

We have been trying for 3 years and as soon as I got diagnosed through a laparoscopy and dye test (both tubes are blocked) they put us on the IVF waiting list. We only had to wait 10 months and now we are starting soo nervous about it all but also excited.

Thank you I will message you in the New Year to let you know how we get on. Hope your pregnancy goes well. Lots of love & luck to you, too XXX

[Hidden]

We were also lucky to get our cycle with the NHS and even more lucky that it worked for us the first time, as it is a fortune for just one attempt your very lucky to get the 2 cycles where about do you live?

Theres no need to be nervous every thing is nothing to really worry about just take every thing as it comes and your be fine.

Yes please stay in touch and let me know in the New Year how your getting on.

Sending you lots of luck for your cycle i do hope it works for you too the first time around

Lots of love to you XXXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi there,

thank you We live in Glasgow. Where about do you live? We get 2 cycles up here which is really good. I did read somewhere that they are trying to get rid of this post code lottery in the UK. Cause there are areas where people only get 1 attempt and others where people get up to 3 attempts. Also the waiting times vary greatly from a few weeks to up to almost 2 years around the UK!! It used to be 2 years when we first got referred but thankfully it got down to 10 months now

Lots of love xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Ines,

We live in Tamworth, Staffs. Yes i also read that somewhere, where we live we only get the one attempt with the NHS but i've read other peoples storys on here where they get 3 cycles I think it should be the same every where either the 1, 2 or 3 as its Not really fair.

I think all together it took about a year for us from the moment we went to ask our doctors about IVF and all the tests i had to have done at the hospital as the hospital i was with didn't rush they were useless intill my doctor could refer us for IVF.

Lots of love to you XXX

[ToneJarvis]

I just wanted to add a comment as your post really got to me.

Firstly and I know it's easy for someone like me to say this but staying calm and keeping your stress levels down is really important. The journey that you both are now on in itself will bring a lot of stress and it's important that you can have some time to step back from the situation and have some time to switch off and not think about it. As I said easy for me.

It's good to see that your partner is aware of the pressure you feel but you are both on this journey and I think sometimes the partner feels left out or doesn't always understand the emotional roller coaster that you are both on.

Talking to each other and taking time for each other that doesn't involve work and IVF and babies is also important.

Lastly it might be worth looking at some fertility counselling and I think that on the NHS they offer this but there might be a wait time.

In any event I wish you both good luck and hopefully you will be successful on your journey.

[Hidden in reply to ToneJarvis]

Hi there Tone,

thank you for your post. We do get fertility counselling throughout our IVF treatments here. I have a phone number and a letter upstairs and I am thinking of visiting the counsellor once we start treatment in a few weeks. We have a 2 year old dog that we walk together through the parks and we go out together for meals from time to time. We also watch films together and go to do the food shopping together.

So this way we do things together that involve work or our IVF lol.

Thanks again & all the best

[ToneJarvis]

Hi Ines,

That's good news on the counselling as it's often not given to people going through IVF. Even better that you have a dog that keeps you both active and out of the house.

Best of luck x

Tone

[Filmgirl101]

These 6-8 weeks are your future family time. Be kind to yourself. If you find yourself crawling the walls, there are loads of fun things you can do! Or sign up to a babysitter service and take jobs as and when you want. Stress is not your friend.

[Hidden in reply to Filmgirl101]

Thank you Filmgirl

[Hidden]

Thanks for sharing.