Process steps

Hi ladies,

Can I just ask at what stage you are offered the counselling in this process? We haven't yet seen the IVF consultant our appointment is in 2 weeks, but we have been trying for almost 2 years, we're currently at the stage in our lives were all friends around the same age are having babies and it appears to be getting harder and harder to accept and put on a brave face. We had a fight on our hands to get a referral through to the IVF clinic as GP was insisting we try longer even though it was identified my husband has a low sperm count, then I was so upset as I went for an internal scan and hadn't realised this would mean sitting in the maternity scanning department, so I would be sat amoungst all pregnant women, I mean who in their right minds thinks that's even acceptable, it's crazy! I know this process gets much harder than that, but I just feel we could do with talking to someone now. xx

7 Replies

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  • I wasn't offered counselling through NHS until I was actually half way through the process and completing consent forms etc. The NHS might not mention it until later although there should be leaflets in their waiting areas. But it does exist and if you ask at your consultation to be referred to the counsellor or given their number then you can go when it suits you. Our offered 3 sessions, but this may vary. We didn't use it but might have done if we hadn't got our BFP. As with a lot of NHS stuff they don't always flag it up until you ask.

    I didn't get any scans in the maternity bit, that's awful and shouldn't happen. The scans I got were all in the IVF unit. I take it you're both taking Wellman/woman and cutting out alcohol, improving diet etc already? It takes a few months for the vitamins to make a difference but many people have reported success in improved sperm counts.

    The factsheets on this website are great for getting to grips with the process.

    Best of luck with it all,

    xxx

  • Thanks so much for your reply, when I was trying to get a referral to the IVF clinic I contacted the department and spoke to the nurses who recommended using the counselling service, and I'm just thinking this might be helpful to us at present, thanks for the advice will definitely ask when we go for appointment. Big congratulations on your BFP wonderful news.

    Oh the scan was terrible I was sat with about 10 pregnant ladies for 45 mins, while they were getting first and second scans, I did contact the patient advice service and put in a complaint as I was disgusted there wasn't even seperate room. I have to attend another scan next week as a cyst was found on my ovary, I'm very anxious as don't think I can go through that again, I'm hoping they have done as promised and prepared a little side room ( I'm not holding my breath )

    Yes we have been taking his and her Pregnacare for around 10 months now, we hardly drank prior to this so have kept this up, we are very active people and have no family history of any problems like this, I have been off my pill for 3 years, we have tried the conceive gel and ovulation tests which we have gave up on now. The last sperm analysis from the IVF department did come back as normal but the 2 prior to this came back as low, were puzzled as to why this has happened but still unfortunately didn't make a difference last month! Brill thanks for the advice will take a look at the fact sheets.

    Best of luck to you also xx

  • Bless you, there is such a massive difference between private and nhs services. At the clinic (they do both to be fair) we weren't told about counselling, but there were leaflets but as we got our positive result the counselling didn't even enter my mind. Then when my little one was delivered far too early to make it, we decided on postmortem. No counsellor could be offered because I didn't quite make half way, then for her postmortem results they wanted me to go to maternity. Needless to say I advised how completely ridiculous that was, but it's hard having to fight your ground sometimes isn't it. Call and explain, might be able to be scanned in gyne ward rather than maternity. There might be a few ladies being scanned for early pregnancy in gyne, but hopefully no obvious bumps for you to contend with xx

  • I don't know when you get offered in the UK. In Spain it's recommended but you pay :(

    I was told to pick one person as my Ivf buddy, someone I could trust and lean in when the going got tough.

    My mate is my rock, but I also believe that this site is amazing, why?!?! Because we truly get what you are going through, and no question, fear, comment is frowned on.

    These girls are great :)

  • Thanks replies ladies parentsofangels I'm truly sorry for your loss and what you have had to go through its disgusting that they expected you to go to the maternity unit, Like you say it's hard enough with out having to fight your way through everything! The process got explained to me that unfortunately the nurses at our IVF department are not yet trained up to do scans hence why I have to have them all complete in the maternity department, just to see the joy on everyone's faces is amazing and a happy time that they are going through an amazing process, but also totally soul destroying at the same time when you are sat around it.

    Losinghopefast77 unfortunately I haven't yet really found anyone close who seems to appreciate what we are going through, I have very close friends and family, my mam appears to understand more than anyone, but unfortunately because my friends have babies or are having them currently I just feel they don't understand what I'm going through and again think it's just a simple implant of an egg and ta daaa like magic.

    You are right this site is amazing, my husband's friends wife recommended sites like this as she too has been through IVF twice with success and said these groups helped her massively. xx

  • I would definitely ask about counselling at your next appointment. It was never mentioned to me at appointments but I did receive information in the post from the hospital. I needed up seeing a counsellor and paying privately as I could get an appointment straight away and fit it in around work. It really made a difference to how I was feeling so I would recommend it. I lost count of how many friends announced their pregnancies whilst we were trying so I know how hard it can be to keep that smile plastered on!

    I'm not sure where you're receiving treatment but I think I would write to the hospital about how distressing your experience of going for your scan was. I always had scans in the assisted conception unit and have no heard of anyone being sent to a maternity unit. It must have been awful!

    Take care of yourself x

  • Thanks for your reply will definitely ask at our appointment in 2 weeks, just wanted to get started now the most frustrating part is the waiting around isn't it!

    Yes it's so hard to keep the smile going for family and friends, also so hard to keep making up reasons as to why we don't yet have children. I keep thinking and hoping and praying that our time will come, but then a small part of me thinks but what if it doesn't which makes it all the more harder to be so happy for friends and attend baby showers and get togethers.

    We're at an NHS hospital I know it's absolutely disgusting isn't it, I mean why would that part not have even been considered IVF has been around many years now you would have thought they would have some staff trained by now! It was awful but also all I kept thinking was nobody really knows what we are going through yet and if I see someone I know how am I to explain I'm in that department but not because I'm pregnant like them! Awww it's all just extra stress us ladies really don't need!

    Thank you xx

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