Beginner anxiety

[Daisy14]

Hello

I've been stalking this forum for a while anxiously, have been referred for ivf with a likely first cycle this autumn. Very nervous but this forum has given me an idea as to what to expect.

At the moment i am getting into a tizzy about work and wondering how much time off you guys would recommend. I'm a teacher and it's quite a big post with a lot of long hours and missed lunch, stress are quite uncontrollable. I get one nhs shot only and autumn is busy teacher time!

Would you a) tell your colleagues (not even family know) and b) how much time would you take or are there particular times that are more vital?

Getting anxious just thinking about it! Just wish it could've been in the summer holidays...

[Filmgirl101]

Some companies have an ivf policy. Check with your union. This will tell you what is allowed and how much time you can have without digging into your own holiday time. If there isn't a policy in place your gp can probably write you off if you need a few days. Most people need a couple days after the egg collection and a day or two after the embryo transfer. You will want to take it a bit easy during the 2week wait. I didn't tell anyone the last few rounds as my boss was really terrible with the first round. She kept telling me that not everyone is meant to be parents and maybe I was one of those people.

But if your work colleagues are kind, maybe let them know, but only as m as you are comf with.

[Dancingsocks99 in reply to Filmgirl101]

Wow is there a dislike button for your boss? That is an appalling thing to say to another person!

[Daisy14 in reply to Filmgirl101]

That is horrendous, how insensitive. Thanks for the advice x

[pm27]

Same as Filmgirl101.

Your school or council (depending on whether you work in a maintained school or an academy) should have an IVF policy. I'm also a teacher and my employers give 5 days in the first year but they have been more flexible.

I would recommend you take a few days off sick to recover from EC and to take it easy after the ET, this might mean a few more days off. My ETs have been on Fridays and Saturdays so i could rest over the weekend.

It's up to you if you share with your line manager and other colleagues what treatment you are having or whether you are a bit vague, ie procedure under general anaesthetic and recovery. Some of your appointments might be difficult to plan for as time scales aren't fixed and you probably won't get too much choice with scan times etc.

I know it might have been better to have had the treatment in the summer holidays so see the break as preparation and relaxation before your treatment starts.

Good luck.

[Daisy14 in reply to pm27]

Thanks for the advice, good luck to you x

[Hopeful1982]

Hello Daisy14,

I was incredibly anxious about this too. In the end I told my boss that I was going in for a 'procedure', that it was nothing to worry about but I would need time off to attend appointments and for treatment. I told them EC was a pre-op assessment and ET was the procedure. Just take it one day and one appointment at a time and don't think too far ahead otherwise you do end up stressing about it.

I only took off the day for EC and ET. With hindsight I think it would have been good to have a couple of days off after transfer. But, in general I thinking working through the 2ww was a good thing as it kept me occupied.

Our team have a PA who I'm friendly with and I found it helpful having one person in the office who knew. I didn't tell anyone else.

At the end of the day this is really important and something you need to do so you'll work something out with your work. We all do!

Best of luck x

[Dancingsocks99]

I'm similar to you in that we're having our first ivf in November - ive told my boss and moved a course I was supposed to be going on into December but other than that am just planning on a day off for ec and maybe another two weeks later. Having read the helpful answers here I might check out policy again but my workplace is quite flexible.

I've just asked my boss not to tell anyone else in case it doesn't work. I'm a manager and have considered if I should tell my team just so they'll understand but don't think I will.

Good luck xxx

[Cmat]

Thanks for the share, I'm in the same position starting in the autumn. My colleagues know I've had problems with hormone levels and periods, which is all true, but as yet I've not mentioned IVF- I'm still trying to come to terms with it myself, it has all seemed so sudden as I was expecting chlomid or a laparoscopy first, not just blood tests, hsg then IVF. Personally I feel that telling people will put more pressure on me and it already sounds gruelling without feeling the need to update other people on progress, when I'm at work I hope to forget about it and just be me as I usually am at work, so unless there is a policy to have to inform them I hope to work as best I can around it but take time off I need to and not give details on what I'm going through. I think everyone will feel differently though and I agree taking it a day at time is a good idea. I may change my mind as things get closer. Wishing you the best of luck.

[Daisy14]

Thanks everyone for the advice, there's some helpful stuff there. I think I just need to stop angsting over it and just accept that I can control nothing in this whole process but just look after myself. easier to say than do!

I'll talk to our head of HR and think I will tell someone else at work so at least I'll know someone has my back and I can go to if feeling rough. I'll see how I feel, I totally understand how telling someone will pile pressure on it and the last think I need are the 'good luck' and 'how did it go' conversations.

Any tips on how to not think about it for more than half an hour?! Probably not.

Good luck to you all and thank you xxx