IVF and anxiety

Hi! Me & the husband have been ttc for approx 3 years and we just got told we are getting NHS funded IVF in about 4 months. Needless to say i am happy and terrified all at once. I suffer with "change" anxiety and i am sure it will be triggered as i get closer to the date, especially with all the bad IVF stories out there. Anyone else going through this and any advice available would be appreciated . Congrats to the ones who got their BFP and good luck to those who are still trying. All my love to you all. X

Adina

[Llizzie]

Hello Adina. Long time anxiety sufferer here. I did a few things to help - I did quite a lot of research, I like to be clued up, but I had to put in place some rules - otherwise I’d find myself googling things at midnight and not sleeping. The build up is harder than the cycle - with the cycle it’s so many different steps I just take each day as it comes. The next injection, the next appointment. I try not to think about anything past the next step. And I’m also learning to be kinder and more patient with myself. In the months leading up I found a good exercise regime helped - I started strength training at home and it made me feel strong and happy. I also let myself have days where I just felt shit and didn’t get off the sofa.

There’s no one right way to do IVF. Some people choose not to read too much or to switch off forums mid treatment. I often use the phrase - don’t use another person’s tape measure to measure your own progress. Someone else’s journey is not mine and we’re all different and get upset by different things. There’s also a mindful IVF app and I saw a counsellor for a few months which really helped me work through my anxiety and put in place some coping mechanisms. Hope that helps x

[Hidden in reply to Llizzie]

Thank you Lizzie, the one step at a time process and not ( over ) thinking too far ahead does sound good because i just realised this is exactly what i've been doing for the last couple of days. I am meant to re- start my dance class soon after the lockdown so hopefully this will also help. Just seeing your reply has encouraged me already. 😊 thank you xxx

[Llizzie in reply to Hidden]

You’re so welcome. Anxiety is hard. x

[bearblue]

I agree with pretty much everything Llizzie said. Try not to compare your journey with others. I also read up a whole bunch but it helps me as it makes me feel like I’m in a bit of control and prepared for anything. It’s also correct that once you’re in the process you’ll be focused on that more and take each day as it comes. One thing that surprised me is that it took way longer than I thought / way longer. I thought I could start pretty much my next cycle but there are a lot of pre tests done. I had to be patient which isn’t my strongest suit. You’ll also be surprised how little info doctors tell you so you have to ask a lot of questions / some of the answers you get as you go along. What I realised also is that each step is so fragile. Through my research I realised that not everyone gets eggs and if they do not all of them get to a stage that they can be considered suitable. It may seem obvious for some but I was late finding out. In any case this will test you and your partner / make sure you’re both in this together / talk loads and research things together . I wish you all the best on your journey. This process changes you / I can tell you that. I couldn’t have imagined the ups and downs but it does put things into perspective. All the very best on your ivf journey.

[Hidden in reply to bearblue]

Thank you 😊 No doubt this will change me, just signing the consent forms made me want to cry as they go through all the potential risks that IVF might pose and some of them are truly scary. My mind went on a really bad trip and i had to stop reading it , to get composure. How is your journey going? I've never actually had counselling , i have always wondered if it helps, really helps ? All my love. Xx

[bearblue in reply to Hidden]

My journey was pretty ok until today. I had my FET and I was crying yesterday and this morning and in the shower right before my appointment. It was lots of things but it’s mainly related to my family / they can be incredibly selfish and demanding and I just wanted today to be stress free and it wasn’t because of them. Up until today I was doing well. Most nerve racking moment is waiting to hear back about how many fertilised. I would also consider a counsellor after this . I think it’s a great idea. If you were bawling from signing those consent forms I totally get it. When you’re a little girl you can’t ever imagine ever getting a baby this day. You probably don’t even imagine it up until you make the decision to do it. I’ve never been to counselling either but I’m seriously considering it. My family have always been high maintenance but I think this process just sent me into tears . Funnily enough it’s my doctors positivity that cheered me up. She must have sense how sad I was. You’ll be fine though and you’ll learn loads about your body and also just how strong it makes you. I’m crossing everything for you !

[Hidden in reply to bearblue]

Oh , how well i can relate to this , my heart goes out to you! 😔 Unfortunately the more you love and support family , the more they tend to sometimes forget you are not forged in fire, you are only human and trying to stay strong enough to support them. And you read my mind, this was not the way i had imagined becoming a mother but if it gets us there.....let's do it. I have my fingers crossed for you, i realise this is private, but please let me know how it goes and i am here if you need someone to talk to! ❤

[bearblue in reply to Hidden]

Hey Adina12 thanks so much for your kind support. Will definitely update you when I get news either way. My official blood test is on 7th but I’ll do a home test before that just so I’m prepared either way. I’m 2dp5dt so far nothing much is happening. Will keep you posted though xxx thank you xxx

[Hidden in reply to bearblue]

Oh how exciting! Tons of baby dust and best of luck, keep positive. ❤

[Downonthefarm]

Hi Adina12,

If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice at the beginning of my ivf journey it would be to go easy on myself - keep life simple and not take on a million different things at the same time. I stuck to this rule on my last cycle. Regardless of the outcome, having time to process everything for me has been really important.

I’d agree with others re getting yourself clued-up. I’ve read-up more on my last cycle too than any other. For me, it makes me feel like I’ve a bit more control in a situation where a lot of things are in the hands of other people.

All the best with your journey xx

[Hidden in reply to Downonthefarm]

Thank you so much , i too like to read up a lot , i guess i always need to remind myself to stop at one point and not compare my journey to that of others. Fingers crossed for you ❤

[RedA28]

Hi Adina, I would really recommend counselling. You should be able to access some free counselling through your clinic so have a chat to them. The counsellors will be fertility specialists so they really understand and can really help with some strategies to manage anxieties around the whole process. I've never thought I'd go to a counsellor as I am a very private person but it all got a bit much for me and I bit the bullet and don't regret it. I only wish I'd started going earlier on in the process!

Other than that I agree with others that measuring your journey against others is never helpful. I personally did find it helpful to keep off forums etc during treatment unless I had a very specific question, scrolling and seeing all sorts of stuff didn't really help.

[Hidden in reply to RedA28]

Yes, forums can provides loads of useful info but at the same time overload your mind with the not so pleasant things too . But i will definitely give counseling a go, i have always been skeptic about talking to a stranger or rather a stranger's capability to help me understand my own mind. But i need to try something that will keep me calm. Wish you all the best in your journey and thank you ❤

[sarahlouisey]

Hello. I just went through my first IVF treatment and am at the 2WW. Embryo transferred last Wednesday! I honestly think the lead up is the worst part. The injections weren’t too bad and I found if I iced the area before injecting it really helps. Also drinking loads of water during and after treatment is key! I was terrified of egg collection and was awake for mine. They gave me a sleeping pill and local anesthetiser in 4 places in my uterus. That did hurt but the gas and air helped and I made a full recovery within a few days. The nurses were fab. Please don’t worry too much. Hope it works out for you! 🤞🤞xx

[Hidden in reply to sarahlouisey]

Sarah, thank you. I am also dreading the egg collection but it's still some time away. Please can i ask how long before the actual collection did you have to start with the injections and treatment? Did they make you really emotional? Lol, sorry for the 21 questions, just trying to find out what to expect though i understand everyone reacts differently. So excited for you, fingers crossed for a BFP !! ❤

[sarahlouisey in reply to Hidden]

I was on the treatment for 7 days before doing my trigger shot. On the 7th day I had a scan and the nurse told me before they were expecting me to carry on with the treatment for another couple days. She was wrong! As soon as she saw the ultrasound she could see my follicles had grown enough for egg collection so they told me to take the trigger at 22:30 that night ready for collection 35 hrs later. I was expecting to be snappy and emotional but I barley changed. I did have a headache on some days and found I was very sleepy but that’s all really. Was my usual self. I honestly think staying hydrated really helped me! Just stay positive and I’m sure you’ll get a positive outcome! And thank you so much! Fingers crossed for you too! Xxxx

[Hidden in reply to sarahlouisey]

Doesn't sound too bad!! 😄

Look forward to seeing your good news, got everything crossed for you! ❤