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Fertility Network UK
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IVF didn't work

What an emotional roller coaster ! Six months ago we were told we needed Ivf to have a baby. Then I thought this was terrible, that I nothing compared to how I'm feel now, I feel as if someone has died, on Wednesday my period came, had so many pains and symptoms throughout my 2 week wait ( read to much on Internet ) I'm completely gutted and my husband is the same, just crying and he is blaming himself, so much faith and hope, all our dreams and so much money placed on it. Feel burnt out... Sorry bad couple of days

9 Replies

Hi, that is so awful, my heart breaks for you!! You must feel unbelievably devastated at the minute. Its ok to feel this, you are human, and yes you are grieving. You are mourning the loss of all the hopes you both had! Do not feel bad for being upset, hurt and angry. Its such an ordeal to go through so you are totally justified for feeling this!! Thinking of you xx


The grief will pass,Iv had two failed IVF cycles so know how lost you feel.Go back for a follow up to find out what might have gone wrong then try again when you feel ready.

Blame is unnecessary at the moment as there are so many variables beyond your control.

Ild be praying for both of you.


Oh Skinead, I am so sorry that you're going through this and having such a tough time. You're not to blame. It's natural to grieve so don't be hard on yourself. It might be good to see a counsellor. I saw one last year as I was struggling with all the emotions that come with infertility. It was an enormous help to discuss how I was feeling with her.

Take care of yourself x


I am so sorry you are having to go through this hun. I really feel for you. There is no one to blame. I beat myself up after my miscarriage but there really isnt anything anyone could of done to change it. Grieve together and spend some quality time together. Speak to your clinic aswell as I am sure they will support you all the way xx big hugs xx


Hey lovely, the exact same thing happened to us this month. Told we need IVF, Round 1 went excellently, had symptoms of success... Then the negative PT & the painful heavy period.

There are no words. There's nothing you can or should do except ride the waves and cry when you need to.

Some days I feel blue all day then cheer up slightly. Other days (like yesterday) I feel I've turned a corner, then by the evening I become sad & angry all over again.

I've been told this is grief - it's normal to feel like this. But I think it's also important to think of your next step. If you get a second shot on the NHS (we don't) then try to see them again ASAP - to find out what went wrong and to start again.

If you don't, I would find a private clinic and get a consultation sorted. You need to feel like you're making positive steps to move forward.

But most of all, look after yourself - do one thing every day that is for you, that you want to do & that makes you happy. Whatever that may be. I've watched a lot of good TV, done a lot of fun exercise classes, and tonight I'm having a BBQ & a glass of wine with friends!

Good luck x


Hi Skinead, It okay to want to vent and you are in the right place, tell him not to blame himself, it no ones fault. Please don't blame yourself either. Infertility is a cruel thing. I taught because IVF was my best option it would have been easier. I was wrong! totally wrong. I had my first failed IVF cycle in March, 15., I felt like my world was turned upside down. Believing i would be luckier I took some time out then tried again two weeks ago. Sadly my 2nd IVF cycle failed. I can't explained how my heart felt broken, it still hurts a lot. I will be fine one minute then if the taught came into my head i will become tearful. My feelings was all over the place. However I am presently trying to not over think things, by being busy. I am trying to control the way I am thinking by reminding myself, when am low that their are many positives in my life to focus on. I will try anything to get through it when i feel low. I had a consultation with my doctor, we discuss me having a variety of test to ruled out different thing. This made me felt, i feel like i was gaining a bit of control in my life. So maybe you can have a chat with your doctor. This forum had saved me because everyone here seems to understand where I was coming from. In the early stage after a failed cycle, it normal to hate the world, I been there but it do get better with time. Do something nice with your husband and support each other when you need comforting. Remember we are not alone in this journey, so you can let it out here. If you feel that it is necessary seek counselling, it can help. Sending you lots of hugs and keeping you in my prayers. Hang on there, our turn might be here soon.


God knows why. What don't kill you make you stronger. Just be strong and believe on day you will be a mother. Trust in God and he will do it for you.


Hi Skinhead, hope you guys are feeling better. Will be thinking of you. Stay strong.

Hugs xx


Skinead, dear I understand what do you feel right now. It's happen very common with a lot of women. Be strong, I know it's so much easier to say than to do

Sometimes you need to let yourself rest and relax. Please don't stack on grieving. Try, please, try to keep positive thinking. 

I'm very sorry that you had to experience it, no one deserve go through such loss.

I will pray for you sweetheart xx 

Loads of love to you and your partner... be strong


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