first ivf and partner drinks

ive got my first appointment 5th may to discuss everything this will be first ivf for me and my partner ,they said his sperm count is less than a million but everything is ok with me,

im taking vitamins, eating healthy i dont smoke or drink but my partner drinks wine every night he said hes stressed due to work commitments having his own business, hes said he will cut back but he hasnt and its starting to stress me out i dont know what to do im trying to help him stop but he still buys it

anyone any advice?

4 Replies

  • Hi. He is also possibly stressed because he feels responsible for you both having to have ivf because of his sperm. But is using work as a reason to drink. Which im not saying is not stressful. Just may not be the only reason. Try doing things like running him. Bath for when he finishes work and cook dinner. So things you both love to do. Give him massages. To calm him down and hopefully it will distress him that way. Also I know this can be hard. It was when my partner smoked. But don't nag him about it. Not that I'm saying you are either. But it won't help. When my hubby we told that smoking could stop our chances of Having children he stopped smoking. So Maybe try to find an outside person to tell him that it's not good for him. Might make him listen. Hope this helps. Take care. Xxx

  • he says i get onto him but im trying to help him i dont want to go through it all on my own ,i was given some sachets for him from the consultant called proxeed plus its a vitamin drink but it also helps with increasing sperm count ive been saying it will help but he forgets and puts everything to one side i have to keep reminding him about appointments im feeling emotional and i dont think he sees that ,he says i need to stop worrying and wait till i see the nurse next month

    he said to me that if i keep getting on at him he isnt gonna come to the hospital with me saying things like that dosent help xx

  • Hi Ro5ie

    I am with similar circumstancesare worse than yours as they had to do surgical sperm retrieval process for him. We've got some embryos frozen from first cycle, but I failed one fresh embryo transfer and one FET. Waiting for next FET.

    Well, male factor is common in our case. Its bit more stressing than other cases. Because you are the one to be brave holding yourself intact for process and bringing a stressed husband on the boat with you. I would speak from my own case so you understand and get ready for all the patience and constant efforts to HELP HIM indeed!!! You are obviously helping him.

    Remember, his lack of concern and distracted attitude shows he is keeping his stress inside him and behaving that way. Need to remember he is stressed too may be now I understand that his stress level is more than us. Rather we feel that he is uninterested... Then things get wrong.. But we have to keep things intact!! That's your resolve. So don't stress yourself that he is uninterested. Rather take him as he is lonely and keeping everything in his chest thus way.

    Once you get this feeling now you can think properly how you need to assure him your support. Don't be angry when he forgets vitamins. I have gone through this all attitude game. He would continuously show disinterest. You be cool, calm and just remind him with smile. Make yourself a nurse sometimes( that's what I did and still doing).

    Let him meet nurse! You know they would test alcohol consumption at the hospital, like they do in driving with alcolic person.

    Nurse would readily know who is consuming alcohol. That would be wrong, may be they put off the ivf for three months wait or so.

    This is info. Now how to tell him? Well the ivf info package that you receive with your appointment tells this all detail. All you need is not be aggressive, politely behaving at times you feel he may be listening to you, if you tell him this may be he changes his habit for the time being.

    In the long run, I am telling you its test of your nerves and determination for ivf. Constantly I had been through disinterested attitude, and not caring for food that may boost his physical problem. I gone through this all with heavy heart unless I understand now that he is not disinterested, he is lonely and fearing and stressed and coping stress individually!!! I got this all when I failed first embryo transfer.... I was devastated and blamed myself and him for this all but he cried so bitterly that my counselor told me this all of his moods and reasons. Then I started not stressing myself rather on seeing his reaction I try to build up new ways to bring him on boat with me.

    I gone through being stressed on that he never ever reads any information package that on ivf that hospital posts to us. I thought I am lonely but its an off shoot of the same stress that he goes through due to male factor.

    So my dear muster up your courage, try not to stress yourself, think of his loneliness and stress and be as polite in reminding him dates of appointment, and vitamins as you can easily.

    Be in touch here so may be I can share more bits of my own experience to minimise your loneliness as I have been helped my counselor a lot after I lost my first still aches my heart sinks... To remember that again.

    Anyways, be sure you are not alone we all with you here.

    Message as you feel stressedxxx

  • Hello Ro5ie, I used to think having a glass of wine helped me relax through this process. When I started to see my counsellor she asked me what I do to relaxe. I gave her a list of things and only afterwards dos I realise that I didn't mention having a glass of wine. It wasn't deliberate. I was completely honest with the counsellor and myself. Wine doesn't help me relax. But, playing sport, jogging, reading, and going for a massage does. My counsellor suggested I add tai chi (yoga or Pilates) to the mix and that has really helped me too. Anyway, the point is that a glass of wine is probably just a habit and one your hubby can break. He just needs to find something else that relaxes him instead!

    Good luck x

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