Fertility Network UK
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Help!! Staying positive

Sorry thought the previous one sent but obviously not.

Hi I'm new to the site.

I'm due to start my first ivf cycle next week.

I'm 26 and the problem is with my husbands sperm. We have wanted children for 5 years but have been trying for 1 1/2 years, although the doctors have now said its not going to happen without ivf icsi.

I am having pelvic scrape thurs... Is this very painful?

I feel nervos about needles and medication, and emotional effects.

Worst of all I had the bomb shell that my best friend is 10 weeks pregnant and only tried for 1 or 2 months. Life is not fair!! I have pretty much cried all day yesturday and this morning.

I'm worried this will affect me being positive about ivf, as its going to be in my face during the process. And after...

Has anyone else dealt with this? any tips?

16 Replies

Hello. First of all welcome to this site. And lots of hugs your way. I two had massive concerns about the needles as I have a huge phoabia of them. But it really is not that bad. Once you get going. I focused on the possible outcome of a baby. And it has not happened yet. But it will one day. And also did alot of stuff that we enjoyed doing to Take our mind of it a bit. Also I would tell your friend what your going through an ask that she respects the fact that you may not want to know about her pregnancy unless you ask her, that's what I did to a friend and she understood. So hopefully yours will. With the emotional affects, literally just take one day at a time and no more. That really helped me to. Wishing you lots of luck. ️Xxxx

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Hiya, thanks for your comment. Good advice... I'm sure it will happen for you , keep going x


So know how you feel 2 of my husbands sisters are permant and none of his family know we are going through tests ....... I just try and focus on the positives that one day it will be our turn ...... Yes I get upset and have bad days but I also think it helps to sometimes have a melt down.

Good luck with your treatment x


Yes that is a good thought, one day it will be us making the announcements. Just need to hang on until that day comes x


Pregnancy annoucements can be terribly difficult especially when the person is close to you. It's also difficult (I've found) when the person has conceived quickly/easily as they are often clueless about how hard it is to cope with infertility.

I think all you can do is try to focus on yourself and find things to help you relax. I see a counsellor which has been amazing, I also like to read and find exercising helps too. Good luck with your treatment x


They haven't experienced the pain it can bring, so even though they try , I still sometimes feel like they think your exagerating.

I do go to the gym once a week , but yes I think I may need to bost that one up.

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The counsellor I see suggested Pilates, Yoga or Tai Chi to help relax. I've recently started Tai Chi and its great. Very calming and you can do the relaxation techniques you're taught can be done at home when you're feeling stressed too. So if you're going to increase what you do at the gym one of these classes might be good (if you don't already do any of them that is!) x


I can totally sympathise with how you're feeling. I've just started our first IVF cycle and had one of my closest friends give birth to her second baby yesterday and another will be due her first in a couple of months, right around the time we'll be finding out our result. Of course both of these friends got pregnant the first month they started trying and haven't had to deal with the grief of getting your period month after month, year after year......

The best advice I can give is to have a good friend or family member to turn too for support. Unfortunatly my friend who is still expecting is completely unsympathetic and almost rubs my nose in it....the friend who had the baby yesterday though has been incredibly understanding and I'm so grateful to have her as a friend. Im not sure if your friend is aware of your situation but if you feel you can I would let her know how you're feeling and that you might not be as involved in her pregnancy as you normally would have been.

As I'm only starting my first cycle I'm new to the treatment too but I've found that doing lots of research and focusing on a good diet and getting as healthy as possible has kept me positive....it's all we can do, the rest is down to science and luck! If you google 'preparing for IVF' there is lots of good into online. I also bought Zita Wests book on Amazon about assisted conception and IVF and found it very helpful. I'm fairly new to this forum too but it's definitely a great site with lots of kind words and advise.

Wish you all the best in your journey x


You sound very organised, I agree it's good to be prepared and have something to focus on. My friend does no we have been trying for a long time but not about the ivf, she has actually been very kind about it so I couldn't ask for more there.

I just get bit teary when I see her as its recent news but I'm sure I will get used to the idea.

You do well to put up with your friend , I'm not sure I would be so brave about it. What date does your medication begin? We can do it! He


I started down regulating 2 weeks ago and getting a scan on Wednesday to see If I'm ready to move onto the injections. Been fine so far, tbh I found the natural trying and not succeeding every month a lot harder emotionally.

That's good your friend is being understanding, it's only natural for us who have been through a lot to get teary even when we are genuinely happy for others, it's still sad for us. That's why I love this site cos everyone gets it no matter what stage we're at we are all hoping for the same outcome. When I read your post it struck me cos I've been feeling the same way this weekend. Mind you just re-read and hadn't realised you're starting your cycle next week! Not far behind me then! Xx

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As Debs1082 sid, a good friend of family member support is what you need. I went through my first round pretty excited, as was my husband, however my 2 closest friends at the time couldn't have cared less - they are not longer my friends!! It's gut wrenching finding out friends are pregnant, however, stay positive for them and for yourself, a that IS going to be you shortly.

Find a calming activity that you enjoy - reading, listening to music or having a wander around a park - anything to keep your mental attitude positive and you're body relaxed for whats to come. Not only that, I fund that understanding what was going to happen to my body helped me. I didn't realise some of the things so it was good for me and hubby to learn together.

Sending masses of good luck your way :)


Hi Victoria, I found the internal scan to be completely fine, in fact I found it fascinating to see the follicles on the screen.

A lot about treatment is positive mental attitude (hate that phrase!) but it's true, go into every aspect excited that you're one step closer & when you see your pregnant friends allow that little grin on your face to come through & think 'that WILL be me'.

They (who ever they are) say stress is one of the worst things during treatment so grab hold of every positive such as you are fine so as long as they fertilise an egg there is no reason it shouldn't take, my situation is the same as you're so my DH & I strongly believe it's gonna work first time. No point thinking anything else imo :-)

Relax deep breathes, and all the luck in the world to you both xx


Be kind to yourself and remember that all the sad feelings are ok and completely normal. I discovered a close friend was pregnant last out of all my other friends- they had deliberately not told me because they were worried it would upset me. Realising I was the last to know was a total sucker punch (found out the same day AF arrived too). There is nothing easy about any of this so don't try and put a brave face on it if you don't want to. Xxxx


Thanks for your support everyone, some good tips


Hi Victoria, welcome to the site. This place is great and the ladies on here are so supportive :-) I am also 26 and am due to get blood test results on 20th Feb and then will be waiting to get going. I think the best thing to do is ask all the questions you have so you feel clued up and just take each day as it comes. My brother's gf is expecting my 1st niece/nephew - they weren't even trying, have not been together that long, are young and don't even live together. I always thought I'd have the 1st baby and so it came as a huge shock and was difficult to deal with and felt so so so unfair, but after a couple of very down days I thought hey ho. What can you do?

The most important thing is to stay positive and it will happen. Just focus on holding that tiny little baby at the end of journey. Treat yourself when you feel down and I am always filling up our weekends with plans to stay busy and have other things to focus on.

All the best, sending lots of love. Sian xx


I know exactly how u feel, it feels so unfair my best friend is 11weeks pregnant with her 2nd and she knows all bout our situation. I told her I had to distance myself a bit when I first found out as I was so jealous, she had everything I wanted without even trying but she was so understanding. Just got to keep a positive brain as hard as it may be at times. It will happen eventually and it will make it so much more special when it does happen x

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