Stay positive

Hey ladies Alls I keep seeing is negative posts I know this is rough & hard journey the hardest you will ever face, but please try an remain positive because we all need HOPE to keep us going xx

I have endometriosis & pcos done IVF 7 times over 6 years ... I now have 2 year old twin boys & I count myself very lucky every single day ...

The thing that kept me going was HOPE all them negative tests the miscarriages the surgery the mental torture I learned to deal with it in my own way and just kept going & going and I'm so glad I never gave up, don't get me wrong I wanted to give up many times but I just new I had to be a mum.

I wish every single one of you all the luck in the world & if you would like any tips or advice please message me xxx

[CardiGrey]

I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve been through. I’m glad you now have your boys- that’s such a blessing and it gives us all exactly what you speak of- hope. What’s so incredible about this forum is its authenticity. It’s a place for us to come when we are experiencing the many emotions that naturally go hand-in-hand with this journey and sometimes that is a wavering of hope. A lot of the time, the advice that we get from this community is that which enables us to get up and fight again. Your story is amazing and it is right that we do need hope to continue just as you did. However, we also have to be honest with how we are feeling when we are in the depths of this and it’s not always positive. I’d say this time of year can be so difficult, another Christmas and year passing by without a child in arms, but most of us will continue to battle on and find that hope, resilience and strength xx

[Kxxx5 in reply to CardiGrey]

I agree with you so much on this - lead up to Christmas is the HARDEST time for me, reminder of what I don’t have every year. But feeling pressure to meet with friends who are just full to the brim with babies everywhere. We have to be able to say how we feel, not just be told to stay positive all the time

[Hopeful_88 in reply to Kxxx5]

I also agree about Christmas being such a difficult time of the year and a reminder of another year gone by with nothing to show for it 😢 xxx

[Christianbaby]

Thank you for sharing your story. This is such a powerful reminder of how important hope is, even in the darkest moments. Your journey and strength are incredible, and it’s amazing that you’re offering support to others. Wishing you and your little ones so much happiness! xx

[Kxxx5]

I think one of the hardest things on this awful infertility life is being told to stay positive. It’s not always possible, and it does help to be honest with how you are feeling. Often friends and family don’t allow us to be negative, if this is the only place to vent then we need to use it. Great you can be positive but please don’t ask or expect the same from others

[Hidden in reply to Kxxx5]

I'm not asking or expecting the same from others I no it's hard I went through it for 15 years

[Kxxx5 in reply to Hidden]

Your post says ‘stay positive. Please try to remain positive’. It’s clear you don’t like to see negative posts.

[Hidden in reply to Kxxx5]

I'm trying to help people that are down in the dumps because I no how hard it is I've been through it and just because ur time hasn't come yet doesn't mean you have to be a negative crank!

[Kxxx5 in reply to Hidden]

So I’m a crank as I still feel sad about having a miscarriage? And I’m scared to do my next FET on Thursday. I’m sure you felt negative when you were in the depths of IVF too. And so do most ladies on here

[Hidden in reply to Kxxx5]

I didn't say that did I? Ur clearly in a bad place like I have been an I get that I done ivf 7 times and it failed 6 so I completely get wer ur at alls I'm saying is hope kept me going I wasn't looking for an argument just wanted some woman to know that sometimes it does work out in the end if we keep hope

[CyclingAddict in reply to Kxxx5]

Sorry you're in a bad place right now. IVF is so mentally draining. I also don't like language like 'don't give up' because leaving the IVF process isn't 'giving up' - which sounds like failure. Moving on from IVF is one of the hardest things to do and takes tremendous strength.

I do think this poster initally intended to be helpful rather than hurtful, though. For some women posts like this are encouraging and for others they're not. I know many women who find hope in pregnancy announcements and for just as many it's a source of pain.

I'm sorry she called you a 'crank' - that was totally unnecessary. Name calling has no place on this forum and you're certainly not a 'crank' for voicing how you feel.

Sending you luck X

[Kxxx5 in reply to CyclingAddict]

Thank you, appreciate your message xx

[Kitkat10]

Bless you 🩷 that’s such a nice post. I feel the same, after a challenging IVF experience and many a moment of hating the whole thing, I am blessed with a son and a daughter and they are here due to that science. So I do try and keep spirits up when I see posts which resonate with my own experience. Thank you again for your words x

[TTC0011]

I enjoy this forum for its lack of toxic positivity - it’s one of the few ones where you get real stories, real feelings and don’t get bombarbed with the ‘never give up’, ‘you’ll get your baby’, ‘don’t stress’ or ‘never give up hope’. Of course they’re all nice things to hold onto but not always realistic.

Your story will resonate with a lot of others and will provide inspiration to those with similar struggles (I’ve got adenomyosis so although not the same as endless, similar challenges) but let’s not try govern how others should act and feel (negative, positive otherwise). Nobody on this forum owes anyone positivity or hope for their own situation and you do sound quite patronising in your post (even though I’m sure you don’t mean to).

My message to anyone reading this - you be who you want and need to be in that moment. Negative, positive or anything in between. Feel how you need to! Infertility takes a lot to go through and if people want to help and comment they will, and if they don’t they’ll scroll by - don’t let anyone tell you that you need to hold hope and positivity - it’s not always authentic.

[Nenad in reply to TTC0011]

This is such a lovely, genuine, balanced message. Having hope is great but equally I think sometimes it’s ok to give up when we’ve had enough to move on with our lives.

[Lana89]

I Don’t think she meant it how it sounded to some she was trying to be nice saying you could contact her if needed help or advice

Let’s not attack each other ladies this shits bad enough as it is

Sending luck to everyone xxx

[Claire_FNUK Administrator]

Thank you for sharing your story and trying to give people hope, we can see that this has been really helpful to some, and quite triggering to others. Please bear in mind that the platforms we provide at Fertility Network UK are to allow people an opportunity to feel everything that goes along with this journey, both negative and positive, and to provide a space where people are not required to put a brave face on and can express all the difficult emotions that they are experiencing. If you do not want to read negative posts, you can choose not to, and if you want to share positive experiences you can choose to do this without taking away from the reality of the raw emotions that accompany fertility challenges. Not all fertility journeys end with the happy ever after so please be mindful of this when trying to help, and consider whether there have been times when you found people's need to make you feel better anything but helpful. We are here to support people every step of the way, whatever the outcome; fertilitynetworkuk.org