Time for some privacy?

Got our injection training session tomorrow (v nervous! I hate needles) and will start with my next cycle. A lot of friends and family who have been really supportive of our journey so far are now asking when our treatment starts. My husband and I have discussed this and have decided we don’t want anyone to know the details from here on in. As the timings are so precise I don’t want a load of people calling and asking for results, firstly because if it doesn’t work I don’t know how I’ll cope with that and also coz if we do get pregnant I don’t really want to share the news early on as anything can happen and I’d rather wait until we’re more sure everything is ok. My husband attempted to explain this to his mother yesterday and she just got really offended and huffy. I was dreading this response and I have a feeling that some of my friends and family will react the same way.

I don’t want to alienate people but the next bit feels really private. Let’s face it no one usually calls up their mother and says ‘I had sex with my wife last night mum, I’ll call you in two weeks and tell you if she’s pregnant!’ Why should it be any different for us? 

9 Replies

  • Hi Vickal,

    I also am not keen on needles but doing the ones in my tummy was far better than I expected. I didn't look as I put the needle in but checked it was in properly before pressing the plunger. I found I couldn't do it whilst watching something funny so a few times had to go into another room if the TV was on.

    Your quote about telling people about the treatment made me laugh as I thought a similar thing when emailing my work colleagues the basic details. We only told my parents, mother in law, very close friends and one of my brothers the whole story. Other family were told the basics, ie we were having treatment, fortunately people respected our privacy and asked generally how we were and letting us talk if we needed too.

    We were advised by 2 people before we started treatment to tell people we thought would be supportive. I think sometimes people don't know what to say. Perhaps your hubby needs to try explaining it to his mum again, if she doesn't understand I'd just give her the basic details. Your treatment is your treatment, it's up to you who you tell and what you tell them.

  • As I was reading your post I was thinking that if you were trying naturally you wouldn't share with your family and friends so I think your last paragraph sums it up well! Part of being supportive in this process is respecting how much a couple want to share and respecting their privacy when they don't.

    You could just say to people you're still waiting to hear when treatment starts if you're worried about their reaction.

    Best of luck x

  • Just say you don't know. They are following your cycle, etc and how you respond to stuff. And you'll let them know if and when you need anything.

  • Just say you don't know. They are following your cycle, etc and how you respond to stuff. And you'll let them know if and when you need anything.

  • Hi Vickal

    I am into week 2 of down reg. before I started I contacted my friends by text and said i appreciated their support, and during it all it was ok to ask how we were generally, how I'm feeling etc if they are concerned, but that id tell them the outcome- good or bad- when I was ready. I spelled it out that I might not feel like sharing results right away, irrespective of the result. I also apologised in advance if I withdrew and cut myself off a little. I was blunt but made it clear I knew they cared. So far people are respecting it but it is early days! I guess to other people the timelines don't mean much- to us every day is a milestone and each week or stage is the next thing kn our mind as we get thru each hurdle but to them it means nothing, so chances are most people won't ask much as one week rolls into the next and they go about their everyday lives xx

  • Hello WeeMrsH, how long does down regulation take? i am supposed to commence this on Jan 27

  • It's totally a personal thing who and what you decide to tell.

    We have told some friends and family, but they are our closest supportive people.

    Even though you will have been given dates, these can change and your life will be what if's for a while.

    The main thing to remember is stress should be kept to a minimum and only you can be the judge of what you will both want to be dealing with when you have the treatment is in full swing x

  • Hi Vickal, I totally agree with your last paragraph. I am 45 and single and decided to go it alone as age is no longer on my side. too many people (both those who really care and those who are just poke nosing) have been trying so hard to get details from me. I have decided to shut everybody except my mum and sisters out! we can make peace later :)

    During my first attempt, i told everyone (both those who wanted to know and those whom never asked me) and when i lost the pregnancy at 5 weeks, it was a painful process having to tell them all again. Lesson learned...no info to no one! when it manifests, they will not need me to tell them :)))

    Just give your mother in law peripheral infomation, she does notb need to have details like dates etc. Chin up and baby dust.

  • Thanks for all your responses, some very good advice. I think that explaining we will share info when we are ready is the right thing to do. I'm nervous of being put on the spot as some people really dig for info. When I told a friend we were starting with my next cycle (trying to keep the timings vague on purpose) she asked me when my period was due! I just didn't reply. This is no one’s business! I think I'm going to go to ground for a while and try to avoid the nosey friends and family.

    This site has been a god send in being able to share thoughts and feelings with people who truly understand coz they’ve been through it/are going through it. At my injection training today I had a reality check for a moment surrounded by needles, syringes and drug bottles I thought ‘why me!’ Why am I having to go through this when so many others get it without even trying! You just can’t explain to someone who hasn’t been through it what it feels like.

    Good luck to all those TTC thanks for your support! Much love xx

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