Going crazy why cant i just be normal?

Well i am now on the home stretch of clomid and i have lost the fight in me i once had.The slightest thing sets me off and i am thinking maybe its time to give up on my dreams on ever having a baby.I just wish i had some more fight left in me but i am starting to forget what fun is who i am.

I sit at work and people start talking about babies and i cry,i cant feel happy about anyone becoming pregnant or having a child. It is now starting to come between my husband and me and i don't feel i have the support. I am meant to go back to fertility doctor in April but i cant cope much longer and when you,have no fight left in you its hard to stay strong on to keep going.

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  • I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I don't have any wise words for you and can't make you feel any better but just wanted you to know that someone has read your post and is thinking of you.

    This whole journey is the hardest thing in the world and is absolutely exhausting in so many ways - are you in a position where, at the end of the clomid, if nothing has happened, could you take a break for a couple of months, just to have a bit of time with your partner and try to do some fun things and see how you feel? I think sometimes this can take over our lives and we can't see the wood for the trees, know its easier to say than to do, but don't know what else to suggest, I know its helped some people. You'll still think about it every day but maybe it will still give your heart and your brain chance to decide where to go next?

    xx

  • Just really wanted to echo the reply above to let you know you aren't alone. Please try to remember not to be hard on yourself, fertility treatment is such a tough journey and often we have to go through it on top of trying to cope with normal daily life of work and home stresses, so its not to wonder it gets on top of us. I have concluded clomid unsuccessfully and am now on IUI. I have to say that I found clomid a very hard hormone combo to take. I could actually feel the surge of hormone which made it difficult to control my temper. It also made me cry a lot and frankly I don't know if it was just the drug or a combination of the drug and depression at how I felt such a failure. It is an awful emotional rollercoaster.

    The bottom line is that we cannot control our ovaries, no matter how much we would like to but that doesn't make us abnormal or failures. In the end I sought out help from my GP because I felt an emotional wreck. I have had 6 sessions with a counsellor who has helped me understand that I cannot control my rebellious ovaries and I am following the process to see its conclusion which may mean that I do finally get pregnant or it may mean that we look to adopt but either way we will get the family we both wish for. It has helped me to view the whole process like a map, follow one route then the next and see where we get to and perhaps looking at each process separately is easier as it is a fresh start.

    I agree, try to take a break, even if it is just a month or two to emotionally regroup and recharge your batteries and please don't be afraid to ask for help. Our fertility unit offers a counselling service for both parties of the couple and perhaps if yours does this it would help you? It is amazing how much better you feel talking to someone who sees the picture objectively.

    Please know that you aren't alone. I know it can feel that way but there are so many of us going through all of the same emotions. I am sending you a wealth of positive thoughts and hope that you feel strong again soon xx

  • I felt exactly the same taking this. I then had IVF The injections didn't bother me as much as the clomid. It was the waiting after the implants which was the worst thing. Can you not ask for an earlier appointment? I have recenly read that accupuncture can help with the stress of fertility problems, I am having it it in February. My friend who also has problems has been having accupuncture for a few months and she find that it helps. We have both had failed IVF. I wish you luck on whatever you decide to do.

  • I think acupuncture might be a great idea if you haven't tried it before. I started it about 18 months ago, just to help me with natural fertility - it didn't make me a baby but I developed such a great relationship with the practitioner that her sessions were as good for my brain and heart as my body and I missed them if ever work stopped me getting to her!

    After our 1st failed ICSI in November, I did some research and have found an acupuncturist who specialises in fertility and IVF (which the 1st lady didn't) and although I felt awful walking away from such a smashing lady, I've had to do the right thing to give me the best chance in our 2nd cycle.

    I've been seeing the new lady since early Jan and although I could do without the expense, it does help in some way - maybe not a tangible way, but makes me feel like I'm 'doing something' - I know that I feel so out of control in this whole infertility journey, that anything I can do to get some control back and feel I'm helping myself, can only be a good thing.

    Try and get someone recommended though if you can.

    Hope you're feeling a little better now, keep us updated

    x

  • Hi everybody, I would like to say that I am passing through the same path as you and I am experience same emotions as yours in my own way. I just want to ask the ladies, who has tried the IVF, before to go for this procedure, did you had all medical check ups and are there any medical issues that prevent you from pregnancy? I am currently doing my infertility test and still waiting for result. I just would like to know more about the procedures which follows before the final decision to take a IVF treatment. Feel really confuses and upset that have to cope up with this. I wish all of us to have this blessing of motherhood.

  • hey friends, trust me you are not alone, am there too, am female going to be 30 this year and its a male factor problem, for nhs to give first free cycle, i had to loose sooooo much weight to be under body mass 30, i lost 23kg, it took me nearly one year, the whole was very hard for me, i dont drink at all, i have never even touched cigarrete!! why me God, but this is life, the time i was loosing weight i bacame very strong in my mind, you will have to be very strong, than once i was ok with my weight issue, i started my first icsi which was in jan/feb, end of feb i was suppose to do my pregnancy test and it wassss Negative :( they had inserted 2 embryos as they were the only good ones they had and rest did not develop, i had to get alone and cry it all out, i am still strong in my mind but of course i was very upset... i have to do a fresh one completely as no frozen embryos, i will start 2nd one in may next month, has anyone been through similar to mine?? please share, we are all here to help, share and support :)

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