Dealing with the awkward moment of 'you'll be next' ........ Help!!!!

Please can anyone share how they cope with the constant fear of being asked when will u be next to have a baby!!! It would appear that I am unable to have a baby of my own, ivf didn't work and won't work again. I feel so low and it just doesn't seem to get better I get so upset and really exclude myself from social circles because of the constant interest in when I will be next to gave a baby. How do I cope???? Xx

20 Replies

  • Hi, im sorry to hear about your situation, if its any comfort I sometimes feel like it is not going to happen and then will have to face the same question! Can I ask why IVF will never work for you?? Hope you are ok. x

  • Thats a real shame.. have you thought of having a surrogate or adoption?

    My friend has been throurgh a similar roller coster for years now she cannot have children after lots of ivf attempts ending in miscarriages.. she has learnt to accept this now but still gets upset every now and then.. i find shes very open and honest when shes asked about having children. And they tend not to ask again or she has found that there are people in similar situations who she can empathis with... i hope this helps.. x

  • Thank u for replies. Danielle, ivf was my last hope, all my blood levels are so low my amh is 1.9 (very low) it would appear I have ovarian failure very little follicles left and only one ovary working. Had to go private as nhs has a waiting time of 12 months and I was told with my levels I didn't have 12 months! They tried me with the ivf saying I had less than 5 % chance and they were right, my ovary didn't stimulate so it failed. I do have options for donor egg or adoption but really struggling with the concept of not having my own child! Sum1sweeta, I have tried practicing my replies to the question, but I end up getting upset at the thought of saying it and when it does happen I freeze!!! I sure hope this gets better because I an really struggling!!! Xxx

  • I would seriously consider egg donar, I understand it will not be from your own eggs but donar eggs have made so many woman happy, you have a right to be happy. If people ask you about children, just yes I am going to have a child but with some help! there is no shame in it, after all there is no shame in getting help with IVF either so egg donar should not be any different, it will be your child, you will give birth to the child remember. Positive thoughts! xx

  • My thought are the same. I have not told anyone at work but 2013 was he'll for me and my boyfriend we been for bloods he been tested he is low and I'm not releasing eggs. So very little hope the waiting list for us in 2yr and I feel numb. IVF is slim chance. Good luck to you I don't single my self out I just tell other I have had a few health issues and it's private. Love to u xxxxx

  • Hi, I so know how you feel! I was battling for a child for 7 years. And even my own mum was sometimes making comments which I didn't appreciate. For example: " Well, at least we've got Masha (our dog!) when there may not be grandchildren... Now I'm 40 and have two children when not too long ago I was considering adoption. I've just wrote my little happy ending story and should be for free on Amazon as an ebook tomorrow. I've changed few things in my life and with the help of Chinese traditional medicine conceived at the age of 37 and 39 naturally. There is always other options. I wish you all the best!

  • I am being an egg donor for someone, and couldn't imagine what they are going through as ivf is hard enough for yrself. I think when you accept things in time then a donor is what you will be looking forward to but easy said than done. I hope things get easyer for you x

  • Hi pavlakess,

    may I ask if you had blocked tubes? I heard great things of Traditional Chinese Medicine and have an appointment in a few days. I got diagnosed with a blockage of both tubes at the fimbrial ends which means sperm and egg never even get/got a chance to meet! So I need to get these tubes opened up. But we are also on the list for IVF as well. My partner and I are still young (29 & 34) so we have hope :-)

  • Hello Ines2885, yes after the first laparoscopy they mentioned that the endometriosis is everywhere including my tubes, but they were not keen to perform the unblocking surgery, and hence we were advised to go for IVF. But as long the tubes are not blocked completely there is always a chance to conceive naturally, but having the unblocking surgery is probably good thing in your case. Wishing you good luck!

  • Hi pavlakess, wow that is amazing!! The doctors don't really want to do the unblocking surgery as it maximises the chance for ectoptic pregnancies. So I will just go to the Traditional Chinese Clinic and see what they say. I stopped consuming sugar and cows milk completely as I am lactose intolerant anyway and will see what the Chinese Doctor says. He has helped several women with Endo and blocked tubes to get pregnant naturally so there is hope :-) I will download your book soon as well!! All the best for you & your family x

  • Hello Innes, did you have your acupuncture session yet? How is it going? What did the acupuncturist say?

  • Hi pavlakess, thank you for asking :-) My first consultation is this Saturday at 10 am!! I am soo excited I can't wait :-) Will let you know how it went if you like xx

  • Oh yes please, it will probably need more than one session, I was very consistent as I thought that was my last chance but even the first session and the chat with such a successful acupuncturist was ever so uplifting.xx

  • I believe you, I am just glad to be able to talk my options through with him and he has been very successful in the past. Even my boss which is a Doctor said that I should go for it as she heard great things about it! My boss knows that I have Endo and blocked tubes. Will keep you updated :-) xx

  • Hello ladies, I spent years on forums looking for hope and advice, as they say a problem shared is a problem halved. I overcame my 7 years of infertility due to endometriosis and reoccurring ovarian cysts. Just before my 40 I completely changed my life style and as a result I had two beautiful healthy children NATURALLY! No IVF! I wanted to share my success in the hope that I might help other ladies on their difficult quest to have children. My ebook is published on Amazon and will be available completely free on 2nd of February 2014. Hopefully I didn't sound too markety, I'm just keen on helping. (5 SIMPLE WAYS TO FERTILITY - Pavla Kesslerova)

  • Hi pavlakess, it sayson Amazon that your book is a kindle edition. Can I download it onto my laptop as well? I haven't got a kindle. Thanks :-)

  • Hi, I managed to download the kindle app onto my laptop for free and then downloaded your book as well :-) will read it and then leave a review on amazon :-) x

  • Hello Ines, I'm glad you managed. Beautiful profile picture by the way. Is it your dog?

  • Thank you, yes this is my dog. He was a tiny puppy back then. He is a fully grown Golden Labrador now :-) I call him my 'furry baby' haha.

  • Hi Patientpolly, so sorry to hear about your fear of being asked when you will have a baby and of your heartache about not being able to have a baby of your own. Life is very unkind sometimes. Your emotions are obviously very raw at the moment and I can understand you being too upset to take part in any conversations on this subject. I know women who were in your position and found support from which is a charity for women with premature ovarian failure. I felt devastated when I was unable to have my own child but I have found support from another charity: This charity provides support for anyone who is involuntarily childless and gives you an opportunity to meet with other people who understand as well as having access to online forums, counselling support, etc. It's also free to join. Anyway very best wishes to you & I hope something helps xx

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