Worried about Hubby ❤️

[Littlepeax]

Hi guys, I have my c section booked for next week. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and helped with my concerns. Any tips for c section recovery or things to pack?

On another note, my hubby has been having really bad anxiety recently, I've never seen him like this before and it's very sad. He trys to keep it to himself as doesn't want to upset or worry me but I know him so well I get it out of him! He says stuff like he feels it's all too good to be true and feels like something is going to go wrong 😔 he's worried about his health although he is super fit and healthy. Completely out of character. He's waiting to speak to his GP (a nice 2 week wait) but is there anything I can do or say to help him? I talk to him everyday and reassure him a bit more? He's honestly the most amazing husband and it's so sad to see him act like this. We've been together for 15 years so this is a massive life change for us. He's bonded really well with our boy, kisses and talks to my belly all the time. I just don't want his anxiety to take over this magical moment weve been waiting so long for. Shows me how men get effected by years of infertility just as much as women they just don't show it. 😒

[JA-fnuk Partner]

Take a look at fertlitynetworkuk.org Men Matter Too and HIMFertlity

Good luck for next week- enjoy your wee baby together -keep talking and involving your OH as you are doing

Janet

[Littlepeax in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thanks Janet ❤️ will check the link out

[Keepingfaith85]

Hi littlepeax, I will get my hubby to send you a message later. I know your hubby followed our journey and was so happy for us and supportive! It would be nice to share a message of support back. Plus we had an emergency c section so hopefully he can share what it was like etc as everything went smoothly apart from covid meaning he couldn’t stay long after xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Keepingfaith85]

Thanks so much Keepingfaith 🤗❤️ really appreciate that. Hope you guys are all well. Xxx

[JoyfulStar]

Really pleased to hear your C-section date is booked. The main thing I can advise is pack the same things you would for normal birth but do buy some super big pants that will go over your scar. I got the granny type ones from Primark and threw them away when done. Think about packing some music and asking to play in the theatre. It may be very relaxing for you both.

Post surgery, just keep moving without doing too much. Also take all your meds including the codeine. I made the mistake of relying on only paracetamol and ended up developing a cough that did not settle. Think about using a breastfeeding pillow during feeds to protect your scar. Finally, you may need something to help relieve your bowels if it does not happen within a few days.

I hope it all goes really smoothly. Sorry not much help on the hubby front but I do agree that men can be just as affected. Will have you both in my prayers xxx

[Littlepeax in reply to JoyfulStar]

Thanks so much Joyfulstar ❤️💫 hope you're all good x

[Hidden]

Lots of good advice so far so I just wanted to say good luck to you. Not long now. My husband is also finding the last few weeks difficult so you guys are not alone. I think he asks about 10 times a day if I’m ok. Does your husband run at all? When my hubby is finding it particularly tough a short run or walk seems to help him re-set a little bit, even in the chucking down rain we have just now. Sending my best to you both.x

[Littlepeax in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much. He usually runs and works out but where he hasn't been himself he stopped. He had a workout today though and that's defo helped ❤️🤗

[Positivechangeplease]

sounds like he’s getting the kind of anxiety that we have all had when struggling to get pregnant then we finally do. I know I couldn’t go into a baby store at all for fear of it going wrong until I was about 37 weeks. However, it may not get better when the baby comes because it’s really common for dads to feel alienated when baby comes due to breast feeding and bond. The midwives often ask at this point how dad is doing so definitely mention to them. He could also benefit from some counselling so it’s good he’s seeing his GP. Hopefully because there’ll be a baby involved he’ll get prioritised. There’s not much you can do, if he doesn’t want to open up to you. Often it needs someone not involved to help deal with things. Mental health can affect anyone. I I hope he gets some help and it helps all of you ❤️

C section recovery is hard. You do really have to take it easy and not raise yourself out of bed trying to use the core. You must take it easy with easy walks for the first 8 weeks. Then if you can that’s when you can start exercising. How to fit it in I don’t know as I didn’t do this and feel it will be a harder slog to get rid of my c section shelf and the other fat around my hips and middle. However everyone says this takes time and to remember a baby took 9 months so you at least should give yourself a break for this long.

[Littlepeax in reply to Positivechangeplease]

Thanks so much for your help and advice 🤗❤️

[DianeArnold Partner]

Hi Littlepeax. Make sure hubby is ready baby a story every night, so that when they hand baby over to him, baby will know his voice and will open his/her eyes and try to focus on Daddy straight away. He will be fine. Diane

[Littlepeax in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane ❤️

[Fudge1980]

good luck with your section 💗 can’t believe it’s time!!! So excited for you.

Totally normal for hubby to be feeling the way he does. It hit my other half after she was born he was so spaced out and when he finally admitted he was struggling with anxiety surrounding being healthy,providing and all the rest of the worries that comes with having a family. It gets better but it’s also ok for him to feel these things. Trust me he will be too smitten,exhausted and busy to worry much after baby has been here after few weeks. It does get better for them! Get him involved as much as possible doing everything (well not the nipple lol) something I didn’t do and wish I had.

Loads of good luck lovely 💗

[Littlepeax in reply to Fudge1980]

I know how am i having a baby next week 😳 honestly still cant believe it. Its gone crazy fast. Thanks so much Fudge, I'm hoping and thinking that will be the case once baby arrives. ❤️ hope your little beauty is doing well x

[FrancyItaly]

Oh hun my husband is having some anxiety too lately, he is mainly worried about me and labour in general. After many losses my husband still does not touch or talk to my belly and I’m 34 weeks. Perhaps only now he is starting to realise what is happening. Men usually tend to keep their emotions for themselves and we usually underestimate what infertility and loss meant for them. While we tend to talk to friends or use this forum, they usually deal with it on their own. Not sure if this is your husband’s case, perhaps he is also worried about providing for the family, we have our worries and they have theirs, it’s a huge change for everyone! Wishing you all the best for your c-section next week! Have you opted for it?

[Littlepeax in reply to FrancyItaly]

Yes defo, he's worried about the financial side of things too 🙈 he's thinking too far ahead and overthinking too much in general. But defo more worried about me having a c section and baby at birth. Hope your husband is ok too ❤️ exactly like you said they don't talk about it as much so all their worries are literally all theirs to deal with alone. Our consultant discussed both options with us but said 50% chance we would have to have an emergency c section if we were induced as baby is big. She also said c section would be safer for baby but worse for me lol. But he comes first 🥰 your 34 weeks! How are you feeling lovely xxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to Littlepeax]

Oh ok, in that case it’s better to go straight for c-section, I would do the same. I feel well but I’m stressing so much about preparing things for her at home and my hospital bag atm! Not sure if this happens to everyone or just me 😅 I have a growth scan in 10 days, I have no idea if she is big or not as my last scan with NHS was at 20 weeks! The measurements of my tummy is always right. Hopefully they will tell me something then! Waiting for your happy news xxx

[MamaMoz]

Hi Littlepeax

Congratulations and all the best x. I pray you’d all be absolutely fine.

musicfootballfatherhood.com/ is a good website for resources to help fathers. MFF also run peer support groups.

[FrancyItaly]

How are you? Any news? Xx