Need alot of encouragement and moral support

[boboveena28]

Hi ladies, I have been trying for a child for 1.5 years. I had a history of endometriosis which was cleared in the last lap. For the first 6 months, I tried actively using the turkey baster method as my DH suffers from delayed ejaculation. Nothing happened.

I then had 2 cycles of IUI. Nothing happened. I then started my first ivf cycle in Jan. I had about 20 follicles but only 7 retrieved out of which 1 survived till day 3 and frozen now. During my ivf stim, I had immense pain and was in bed rest for 1 month. I had to take tramadol every 3 hours for that 3 weeks. I then found out last Friday that I have a 5cm fibroid which is pushing my uterus and has to be removed cause of my pain. 6 months recovery. I can only go for implantation in Jan cause surgery is due in July. So this whole year gone just like that.

This surgery will make my womb weaker so normal delivery not possible and I can never carry twins. In the midst of all this disappointment I still stayed strong. Saturday my sister came over and announced that she is pregnant. That's when I lost it. Infertility seeped into my mind. She has something that I'm longing to have. And its not her fault. But its not mine either. I cried throughout the weekend and cut ties with her and my family cause I wanted a break from everything and everyone. I'm happy for her but I feel so sad for me. I feel like I'm losing it. DH is trying so hard to keep me strong. But I can't. No more fighting spirit in me.

[FluffyPink]

Boboveena, what an ordeal you have been through. You have really been suffering and no doubt very few people are aware of it due to the silence around fertility struggles. I’ve had a long road too and have watched from the sidelines as my only sibling gave birth to two beautiful children (one conceived on first attempt). Like you, I was delighted for her but sad that through an accident of genetics I have health conditions to deal with that she just doesn’t.

It made me realise that our journey is one of many small and large griefs. Grief for the children we thought we might have by now, grief for the things we’ve had to give up in order to pursue this dream, grief for our old lives, and so many others.

My husband and I have discovered that the only way through this is to let yourself grieve. There is no going around it. And grieving isn’t a once off process, grief can hit you at funny times when you least expect it. But we’ve found a way to keep going and not lose hope. Ultimately it’s been like a “boot camp” for our marriage as we are in a much better position to be good parents. We’ve seen each other at our very worst and have worked our way through it.

You are allowed to withdraw from family and friends if that’s what you need to do right now. I think it’s helpful to communicate this to them though - that you are finding things hard and need some time to yourself. Covid has been our friend in that we were already in our own sort of lockdown before the pandemic hit! It’s okay to have conflicting feelings - that you are happy for your sister but distraught for yourself. If she’s a good sister she will understand and give you space. I really recommend fertility counselling too (for you individually and/or together) and maybe share what’s going on for you with one or two close (ideally single!) friends. xxx

[boboveena28 in reply to FluffyPink]

Thank u so much for your advice fluffy pink. I agree that no one understands our struggles or grief unless they are on the same journey as ours. Looks like you have come a loong way yourself. Kudos to you for staying strong. Baby dust on you and hope your little one joins u soon 💓