at my wits end

[Bettyboop1984]

My son is 4 next week.

started potty training at 2.5 years old, prior to this he was going a few times a day with no issues. He is fine with his bladder he will use the potty or toilet happily for those. Fecally he's a nightmare, he won't even go in a nappy. He constantly soils his pants at nursery and it's small amounts but he I would say 80% of the time comes out with soft poo in his pants.

He comes home and hides, with his legs crossed concentrates on holding it in and tensing his bottom to prevent a bowel movement.

Hes never had a bad experience with being told off,ive always said don't worry its an accident. Everytime I see him I run him to the potty but he stands right back up telling me he doesn't need it anymore.

It is getting to the point I can't even let family look after him because he's soiling himself constantly and it's embarrassing.

I dont know what to do, it just started the day I started potty training 😑.

I am open to criticism or any feedback,im not sure if I'm doing something wrong or it can be fixed by something simple 🤔

Thankyou! , desperate mother!!

[LB1234]

Routine helps my daughter - we started doing toilet sits after every meal and before bed and after a while she got into the habit of having a bowel movement before bedtime. It works 95% of the time. She'd also been having lots of accidents and withholding. She is on a low dose of movicol as the withholding was making her constipated.

We made the toilet sits as fun as we could - toys/books/tablet/chatting - whatever it takes to get them there. Reward for them sitting rather than pooing. She sits for 15 mins or more. It took several weeks for it to start working but persevered and i think she now quite enjoys the 1 on 1 time she gets with me or her dad!

We've been doing this for about a year now so part of our routine. She turned 4 in May.

I know how stressful it can be, hope you find something that works soon!

[Tiredmum_]

May be try ignoring him. Even if soils himself, don’t say anything, neither negative nor positive. Just stay silent. My son is 4, starting reception in September and he still wears nappy, doesn’t want to even sit on the toilet. I started ignoring him not saying a word and suddenly one day he used the potty all by himself and even started going toilet. Even though after three weeks he wanted to use nappy again for God knows why, but I’m hopeful he will come out of his stubborn ness soon. I hope that helps. I know its easier said than done but it might work.

Good luck!

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

Hi Bettyboop1984 , this is quite normal and something we come across often on our Helpline. It only takes one painful poo to learn that you don't want to do that again and start trying to hold it in. You need to make the poo nice and soft so that he can see it isn't going to hurt. If your son is soiling, its very possible he is constipated especially if he has been withholding for a while. Have a look at this: eric.org.uk/advice-for-chil... Look at the signs of constipation and the poo checker. You may need a GP to check him over and prescribe a macrogol laxative such as laxido, cosmocol or movicol. These are completely safe. They are powders which you must mix with exactly the right amount of water. They then deliver that water to the bowel to make the poo soft. We have more information on withholding here eric.org.uk/Pages/Category/... but it's important to treat the bowel and get that poo soft. You'll also need to clear out all the old poo by completing a disimpaction, see our Parents Guide to disimpaction. Then introduce regular potty sits but dont mention wee or poo, just reward for the sit. we have lots of information on potty training on the website too. Best wishes, ERIC

[Bettyboop1984 in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Thankyou this is very helpful and I will try x