My son refuses to poo on the loo!

[LauraS300]

Hi everyone,

I'm new on here, my Son's nursery teacher recommended the site. My boy is 4 years old and starts school in September. He is fully potty trained with wee and is dry at night. My problem is POO!! He will absolutely not poo on the toilet!

I have tried the following:

Reward Charts

Promised him a really amazing present that he really wants if he does 10 poo's on the toilet

Getting angry about it

ignoring it

Being nice about it

Talking to him about it

an app called poo land

Letting him do it on the potty

Reading books about it

sitting with him whilst he does it

Letting him take the tablet in with him

Putting him on the toilet every 15 mins

you name it, I've tried it, all to no avail! He knows when he needs to go, as he will tell me, so I put him on the toilet and nothing. Pull his pants back up and 2 minutes later he's done it all in his pants! I don't think its a problem with his bowels as he would wait until I put his nappy pants on at night before he was dry to do it in them. I have spoken to a health visitor, she has advised to put the potty where he used to go to do a poo which was always somewhere quiet and layer it with kitchen roll, which I have tried but he just looked at me as if I was crazy! She also told me to not even talk about it in front of him to anyone and not mention it when changing him, it makes no difference, when I'm changing his pants for the fifth time in the day he's just blabbing on about Paw Patrol!!

I am getting seriously concerned, he starts school in September and I'm terrified he will still be doing this then!! Also, I am going through pants at a rate of knots!!

If anyone can help me I would be so very, very grateful!!

From a desperate Mother x

[LGR1980]

Hiya we are in a very similar situation with our son who has just turned 5 so you are not alone. Whilst my son had been pee potty trained since 3 with no issues, he has very rarely done a poo in the toilet and only on those rare occasions has it happened because we have caught him 'assuming the position' and past the point of no return as it were!

Again we tried everything you have mentioned (shouting, ignoring, reward charts, toys) with no success and went through various emotions (to the point I was actually questioning where I had went wrong as a mother!) but what we have found to work (to my surprise) is putting him on the toilet every day at the same time. For us it's 6:30pm for 15/20 mins & we are very strict about this even when he says he doesn't need or we are out the house. We also allow him to have the iPad to watch kids videos on YouTube which he loves whilst he is on the toilet (something I'm not overly keen on so he knows this is a special treat and the only time he gets it). He has done a poo more times than not and to date we have had no accidents. Still early days so I have everything crossed that it continues!!

I should also add that our son is on movicol to soften his poo.

[LauraS300 in reply to LGR1980]

Thank you, I may try the set time to go on the toilet and see if that works. But it's almost like he's letting it out in tiny little bits so I never know when to put him on!

[LGR1980 in reply to LauraS300]

Have you took him to the Dr's to discuss this at all? Is he on movicol or any other supplement? The fact he is letting little bits out may be a sign of constipation so the poo is leaking out.

Our son was the same, constantly letting small bits escape until he couldn't keep it in and was then passing massive poo's. The good thing with the movicol for us is that his poo's are soft so he can't hold on.

I hope you find a solution that works soon as I know how stressful it can be.

[mcleanan]

I understand how you feel, my daughter is in reception and has only just started using the loo for poos.

What is brilliant is the your son hasn’t got constipation, and knows when he needs to go.

Have you tried getting him to use pull ups instead of his pants? Then when he’s used to that getting him to go in pull ups on the loo and then work on getting rid of the pull ups? What worked for us was taking things in very small slow steps, letting each stage become normality before moving on to the next stage.

You will get there in the end, our school has been brilliant so talk to the teachers before he starts.

Good luck X

[LauraS300 in reply to mcleanan]

Thank you! Yep, tried pull ups, tried making him wear pull ups on the toilet,or to just go into the bathroom wearing them when it's time, but no good!

[Chocolate-chicken]

Hi, have you got any books about pooing? It might not help but you never know... After suggestions on here we got "meet the poos" it's about a family of poos who love going on the "flush flume" but the little poo is too scared and misses out... My daughter is 5 and thinks it is utterly hilarious. We're not sure if my daughter actually knows when she needs to go or not, so i can't actually say if this book helped us or not but it's worth a try.... - just a warning there are some grammar errors in it, which my mum finds particularly painful to deal with, but the story is good! You can get it off Amazon xx

[LauraS300 in reply to Chocolate-chicken]

Thank you, I'll have a look. We have tried a pirate book and also a story called poo land, but no joy!

[Sp87]

Hello. I am in the same boat as you unfortunately. My son is now in reception and due to go up to year 1 in September and still has never pooed on the toilet. He knows when he needs to go and isn't constipated, there is just something stopping him.

So my only advice for you would be to speak to the school and request a chat with their SENCO or inclusion team to discuss what they can put in place to ensure that his needs are met and to avoid embarrassment for him. I actually thought the embarrassment would have stopped my son but he couldn't give two hoots to be honest!! I was told that they wouldn't clean him up but can assist him doing it. So work hard teaching him to wipe his own bum and to empty his pants.

Luckily my son is in such a routine he doesn't pooh at school anymore, but does still at home so is still on going. We are currently waiting for a referel from school nurses to continence team.

Good luck xx

[Frantastic84]

Laura and Sp87 have you had any progress? I’ve been in the same boat and thankfully we’re now through it and I thought this day would never come. My son is 6 and starting year 2 next week, and it’s only in the last 6 or 7 weeks that we’ve managed to crack it. We had to take very small steps to get him there, it started by getting him to poo in pull up in the bathroom with the door open, gradually we have moved on to sitting with pull up (on a potty training toilet seat placed over an upside down step stool - don’t ask! It was his idea and we went with it as he wouldn’t entertain the idea of sitting on the loo for poo even though he been doing it for years for wee). Gradually we progressed to sitting on the toilet for poos and very very slowly we managed to make small tears down the sides of his pull ups til he only had an inch attached either side. Next was having an open pull-up placed under the seat to catch poo, then we swapped the pull up for placing some paper in the loo first. Now we are finally at the stage of pooing on the toilet with no paper in the loo and not training seat. I could cry with happiness every day and the best thing is seeing how proud he is of himself. It took us two and a half years of taking baby steps towards getting him there, and with all of the above I also had him sat on the loo every day at the same time for 5-10 mins, first with pants and trousers on and sitting on the lid, gradually progressing to pants down and on the training seat. He was never used to sitting on the loo for longer than a quick wee and so never had the patience to wait for poo. It’s a horrible thing to go through as a parent and it’s so hard not to become angry/upset/worried, I cried so many times with worry. But they WILL get there are it’s more common than you think. To anyone going through this now just keep going and taking baby steps and encourage them but don’t push them further than they feel comfortable x

[Gemha in reply to Frantastic84]

So lovely to hear a positive story! Well done to you and your son. My son will only poo standing up in a pull up and he’s going into year 2. We have tried sitting in the toilet this holiday but he just can’t seem to do a proper poo. A tiny bit comes out and then he feels a bit better so stops. He does the same the next day and by the third day I’ve been so scared of him becoming constipated as well I let him poo standing up as I know he’ll do a proper poo. I feel our journey is going to continue for many more years!

[Frantastic84 in reply to Gemha]

Gemha I’ve just re-red my post and he’s going into year 2, not year 1! Shows what summer holidays has done to my brain. So my boy is the same age as yours. I feel for you so much, it’s a bloody awful thing to go through. I felt like a complete failure but you have to keep reminding yourself that it will end and he will do it when he’s ready and the slowest progress is still progress. Wishing you lots of luck xx

[Frantastic84 in reply to Gemha]

Gemha I stumbled across this again 2 years later... have things moved forward since you posted this? I hope you’re not in the same situation!

[Iffets in reply to Gemha]

Hi Gemha, following on from this old post how are you progressing? My son has started year 3 and still wants pull-ups. Hope you are doing better than us!

[14crosstitch14]

Poo app poo gose to pooland. Also make it a poo party. I trued takeing a dolly to toilet and sat with a book. Child got board afterwards.