My son is 6 and still won't poo on the toilet please help!!

[Charlotte011]

Hi my son is 6 and still will not poo on the toilet only in pull-ups but worried coz of his age etc, we've tried everything the doctor said he's constipated but he's not they just aren't listening, I'm at the end of my tether feels like it's never going to happen has anyone got any good advice cos at the end of my tether,

[VickiLB]

Just to say that we went through the very same for years. From Reception through to Year 2. I literally thought it would never end as my daughter was so stubborn. We even saw a specialist but it made no difference. Finally last year my daughter (now 7) pooed on the loo and not in pull ups and has been going happily ever since. I think some children get so traumatised after being constipated that it takes an eternity for them to forget. Encouragement, bubbles on the toilet, read to them just make the loo a fun place to be and eventually it will happen. Fingers crossed it doesn't take as long as it did for us! X

[Charlotte011 in reply to VickiLB]

Hi yeah my son will be 7 end of September!! Can I ask did your daughter just refuse and go in the toilet or did she just keep trying, my son just keeps saying it won't come out but as soon as I put a pullups on it comes straight out, I feel like we have tried everything the other day he was really pushing but had to use a pullup instead the problem we have if we say we don t have pull-ups and have to go on the toilet he will just hold it in for 4 or 5 days then we just have to give him one so it doesn't become impacted, I wish he would just go on the toilet hope this doesn't go on much longer x

[Yaleamanda]

How do you know he isnt constipated? What do his stools look like on the Bristol Stool Chart? Are they foul smelling, more than a normal stool would be. Has he had a particularly hard stool in the past, he could be withholding when going to the toilet. Take the pressure of him having to go in the toilet for now, but only allow him to wear a pull up when he needs a poo and only use them where there is a toilet, this way he will associate the toilet as the place to go.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Yaleamanda]

Hi yeah he's not constipated because as soon as you let him have a pull up it comes straight out no problems but if we say no he will just hold it in for 4 or 5 days and then you can smell it and just no he's holding it in, he just keeps saying it won't come out when he sits on the toilet it's almost like he is just used to having a pull up and just to stubborn to just go, also he sees his dad on the toilet and me and no's that's where it should be done I just don't no what to do anymore!!

[Yaleamanda]

The problem is withholding behaviour invariably is due to constipation. You need to get him on a regular osmotic laxative to make it soft enough to pass and a stimulant laxative so he can't hold it in and regular toilet sits after every meal.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Yaleamanda]

Yeah just seems strange when he says it won't come out and a minute later put a pull up on and comes straight out with no problems, do I have to speak to my doctor about the laxative you are saying about or can you get it over the counter please? X

[Yaleamanda]

Your Dr will need to prescribe.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Yaleamanda]

Thank you will have to speak to my doctor again I no last time they weren't interested and just fobbed us off and said he will grow out of it but it doesn't look like it anytime soon but thank you x

[Yaleamanda]

They have to treat according to nice guidelines.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Yaleamanda]

Thank you I'm going to speak to the doctor's because otherwise this just isn't going to get sorted!! Thank you so much x

[Iffets in reply to Charlotte011]

Hi Charlotte, it's been a year since you last wrote this. How are you getting along? My boy is 6y6m and still will only poo in a pull-up. He sits on the loo and says it won't come out. Will only come out when standing, no problem. I'm wondering when he will do it?!

[Charlotte011 in reply to Iffets]

Hi no still nothing and the doctors just aren't interested, we had a nurse that used to ring us up but even she gave up on us,we are just going to have to get him to sit on the toilet frequently and see if this helps but doesn't seem like it is ever going to happen.

[MusicalDee]

Did you read the similar case on the Eric website? They used small steps to progress from using pull ups. Can he sit on a toilet in a pull up and poo? We’re trying to progress to this and then will attempt a hole in the nappy. I read somewhere that often it’s the security of having the nappy on that helps, so it may need to be a gradual transition.

[Iffets]

Hi - sorry to hear that. My son just turned 7y and is still in a nappy for poos. I did hear about a child who finally did it aged 8y and his mum was a doctor too. I am like you and will have to get him to sit on the toilet until one day he does it. His bowel movements are getting better as they were every other day and are now more frequent than that. I was against forcing him as I didn't want constipation to be a thing.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Iffets]

Aww I really feel for you coz still going through the same I really don't no if this is ever going to end coz right now it really doesn't feel like it we've tried it all and nothing seems to work!! As soon as I mention we need to really try the toilet again he will just hold it in for days so really don't no what to do anymore.

[Tatty74]

Very similar situation to all that I'm reading here. I have a 7yr old boy who has chronic constipation and very rarely goes in the toilet. He is in and out of pull-ups and although he is mea t to be supported at school - cones home most days soiled. I'm so shocked how bad the support has been by GP and hospital even going privately! It's just quite a comfort to know he's not the only one but am struggling

[Charlotte011 in reply to Tatty74]

Aww sorry to hear that, yeah seems like a lot are in the same position, unfortunately the doctor wasn't really interested and I had a nurse who kept in contact and then she said she thinks it's just where he's uses to doing it and she gave up on us too so really don't no anymore .

[Petitou]

Hi, I'm not sure if this is useful but do you have a loo ladder. We use a toilet ladder with seat and it helps our child be able to relax when using the toilet as feels very secure. Advice from child pelvic floor specialist recommends this positioning to ease bowel movements too.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Petitou]

Hi no I've not seen these but does sound a good idea, where did you purchase yours from? I will give anything a Try so thank you

[Petitou in reply to Charlotte011]

amazon.co.uk/Straame-Childr...

This is the one we have. Hope it might help. You could show it to your son and get him to choose the colour so he can take ownership of it.

[Iffets in reply to Petitou]

Yes please can you post a link to this loo ladder - i'm also considering buying one

[Petitou in reply to Iffets]

amazon.co.uk/Straame-Childr...

Hi this is the link for the loo ladder. We just got it on Amazon. It has been a life saver. The padded seat is velcroed on so just need to check it and clean. Not a magic bullet but might help. They have different colour ones so you could ask child to choose which they'd like to take some ownership of it and get on board with it.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Petitou]

Thank you so much for the link I will have a look x

[Tiredmum_]

I’m just commenting here to know did your child managed to do it in the toilet or not? I’m feeling relieved that my son is not the only one. With mine I believe is just an ego problem and some speech delay.

[Charlotte011 in reply to Tiredmum_]

Hi no still hasn't and starting to worry its never going to happen !! He hasn't pooed for 3 days because I said he really needs to try again in the toilet so will see

[Iffets in reply to Charlotte011]

I'm here to report good news and give you hope..we're on Day4 of pooing in the toilet! He is 7y3m and has just suddenly decided he can do it (altho we applied a bit of pressure+practice). For the past few months we've made a concerted effort to make him sit on the toilet 1x a day to practice ..he has become so used to poo-ing in a pull up standing next to the toilet watching his iPad, he really couldn't change this habit easily. We used a seat insert to make it more comfy, a stool for his feet so that his knees were raised slightly higher than his bottom which i've read is beneficial to evacuate the stools, and a heating fan to warm the bathroom, and iPad. The first time he had an upset tummy and loose stools, so it came out easily for him without trying really. The next time I said he couldn't have the iPad for the rest of the day if he didn't try, and lo and behold.. and the next day he did it no questions (with the ipad+seat+fan)..Day4 and he said he wanted a nappy again but I said I've thrown them away so you can't...and all good so far. There will be a day when they get there!

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

Dear Charlotte011 , we're sorry to hear that your son is still afraid to use the toilet. Have you seen our information on toilet anxiety? eric.org.uk/information/toi...

We do recommend implementing a nice relaxed toilet sit 20-30 minutes after eating, but try not to mention poo at all. Even if your son only sits for a few seconds, reward/lots of praise. At this stage it doesn't matter whether he does a poo or not, it's about making the toilet time positive. Where does he do his poo usually?

Can you encourage him to sit to wee? This helps with relaxation, and also means he is more likely to realise he needs a poo. Again try to avoid asking if he needs a poo. It's likely to increase anxiety. It's also good to make sure his poo is nice and soft so he knows it's not going to hurt him. If he's been holding on for a few days then we need to be thinking about constipation too.

Don't forget that our Helpline team are happy to help. You can call our free helpline between 10am-2pm Monday to Thursday or complete a web form to book a call or receive an email response.

Best wishes, ERIC

[Charlotte011 in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Hi yeah we seem to be just hitting a brick wall we were hoping by now he would have just started going on the toilet but he just holds it in for days on end if you mention about using the toilet, he will put a pull up on and do it in his bedroom but i have said about sitting on the toilet with the door closed if he prefers but seems like we are getting nowhere, he says it won't come out on the toilet but as soon as he has a pull up on it will come out no problem just don't no where to go from here.

[ERIC-Charity Partner in reply to Charlotte011]

It sounds as though a good next step from where you are would be to keep and change pull ups in the bathroom. We would also suggest saying that it's fine to have the pull up to do the poo, as long as it is in the bathroom. He doesn't have to sit on the toilet, that initial first step is to move from the bedroom to the bathroom. And for him to help you flush the poo into the loo.

[Charlotte011 in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Thank you anything is worth a try because we are just not getting anywhere and can't keep carrying on like this

[Iffets in reply to Charlotte011]

Our 7y old will poo in a pull up in the bathroom as i insisted he do it there as it's where everyone goes toilet. He has to wear pants and trousers over the pull-ups as he's afraid the poo will 'fall out'. My next step now that he has started poo-ing daily after addressing his gut with probiotics using a naturopath, is to get him to pee sitting down when he is home (not at school) (and also to flush the poo after i dump it from the nappy into the bowl). This will make him used to using the toilet seat and we will also spend 10mins after dinner sitting on the loo aswell. baby steps..

[Charlotte011 in reply to Iffets]

Hi we started getting him to poo in a pull up in the toilet last night and we talked about cutting a hole in the pull up in a couple of days and see how it goes coz we done this before and it didn't work but it's worth another go then hopefully we can next step sitting without pull ups

[StellaA in reply to Charlotte011]

I really hope you where successful this time, having potty training drag on for years like this is so frustrating and damaging for the child's self esteem.

I've got a friend who's eldest son is still struggling with pooing on the toilet, he's a bit older than your son but is possibly not as far along with toilet training and is still in pullups during the day.

[Charlotte011 in reply to StellaA]

Hi no were still trying unfortunately, he was so quick to potty train and was doing a wee and having hardly any accidents within a couple of days but it's the poo he just won't do in the toilet. Aww I hope it gets easier for your friend because I no how frustrating it can be.