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Getting my daughter to poo in the toilet

My 4.5year old daughter won't poo in the toilet only in a pull up. We have tried everything to get her to do it toilet but nothing is working she keeps saying she's frightened of the toilet but yet she has a wee no problem on it. Anyone got any other ideas please.

7 Replies

My first thoughts are did water splash her before and she thinks it's dirty? A mind of a child is so innocent compared to us.

Must be very difficult for you. Does she go to school yet? How does she cope there if so? X


Yes she is at at school she's in reception so is there till 3.15 every day. She will either have a poo before she goes or when she gets home. And there has been times when she has dirtied herself in school and they have changed her.


We're in the same situation with our 4.5yr old daughter. She doesn't know why she's so scared, We're taking it very slowly as every time we think we're getting somewhere she gets even more scared and starts withholding. We have now got to the stage where she will sit on the loo with a nappy with a 2in hole in it and have a poo (we have to cover her ears so she can't hear if/when it lands in the water).

Really small steps with rewards and reward charts has got us to this point, first to poo in nappy sitting on the potty in her room, then in bathroom and finally on the loo. Then introducing a tiny hole (1/2cm) and gradually working our way up, the hole did get too big for her before Christmas and she started withholding again, so now back to a slightly smaller hole. What's really helped this last week is introducing regular loo sitting times after dinner for 15 mins, and also explaining to her that if she doesn't go regularly then we'll have to go to the doctor to see if they can help (bad memories of foul tasting antibiotics means she's really scared of being given medicine).

Hope this helps and good luck, they'll get there in the end!


She won't even go in to the bathroom she just stands on the landing outside her bedroom. I tried once to put her on the loo with a pull up on but she freaked out and I didn't wanna push her and make her scared to go at all on the loo. I've tried reward charts and everything but nothing works


we were stuck at that phase for ages too, it's so frustrating isn't it!

How about cutting a cardboard shape out and putting it on the landing where she poos and then gradually moving it towards the bathroom?

we've had most success with reward charts (my little pony) that's she's helped to make and having the rewards visible (stickers and tinkerbell fairy dolls).


Thank think Il give it a try Il try anything if ti's gonna work.


We are at the same place as you too! My daughter is 7 in July. We are at a loss! It’s been going on for 4 and a half years and still no further forwards. She poos sitting on the loo but still wearing a pull up. It’s so comforting to see other parents in the exact same position! I wonder what it is we did wrong all the time. However, one thing I have figured out is that she had a mild form of lichen sclerosis on her gentitals that I never really picked up on and now I’m beginning to wonder if the pain and sensitivity this could have caused her is what caused the anxiety..... not that it’s helped he situation one little bit. But it might explain where the problem is rooted. Only now, it’s become a purely mental and emotional thing.

Next step child psychologist as I’ve left it alone for the last two years to see if she’ll just grow out of it but that’s not worked either....


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