5 year old still poos himself. Help

[Marmiteandcrackers]

Hi so I feel at my wit's end. My little boy has been wee trained for 2 years but still poos in his pants. He seems constipated as only poos a little at a time but won't drink movicol or hardly drink anything. If I notice him straining he will refuse to sit in the toilet. We brought the potty downstairs in the hope that it would help but no. I've tried reward charts etc. Sometimes he says he doesn't want to still what he's doing to poo. I don't really know what to do any more. He was under the health visitor but nothing helped and now he's 5 he's not under them anymore. I work evenings so find it hard to fit in everything like getting him to sit on the toilet for 10minutes. I feel so helpless and that I've made him uptight somehow ( I had PND when he was born and worry it's affected him). Anyone have any tips please. Thanks

[Cath1981]

Please don’t blame yourself there are loads of kids who have trouble with the toilet. My son is 8 and still struggles, for a long time I blamed my divorce from his dad when he was a toddler but I’ve realised things might have been just the same had we not divorced-you just can’t say.

It sounds like you could do with some support: we had a couple of false starts accessing it but once we did it helped. I think pathways vary but we got a referral to the continence clinic from our GP. Our continence nurse even did home visits.

Changing the routine to fit around the toilet can be tough especially with work. I don’t know what your situation is but I got my mum and ex-husband on board so that he could stick to his routine whoever was looking after him.

At one point it did get to the stage where it felt like all I spoke to my son about was the toilet and he became more and more resistant to any help. I was advised to back off and focus on all his achievements that were unrelated to the toilet. It helped our relationship and he became more cooperative.

There are also books available on the ERIC website to help with positive communication on the subject.

I think everyone on this forum has been at their wits end at some point, I definitely have. I really hope you get the support you need to turn a corner x

[Lktoday]

Hi, I know that feeling. My son is 11 and still has constipation issues. Support definitely makes a lot of difference as Cath1981 has suggested. Speak to the GP. My son is under a paediatrician and a paediatric gastroenterologist. They are able to help offer solutions. He now also sees a psychologist for the behavioural element. There are various options and help out there. This forum is also good for support.

I sympathise with being at your wits end, I’m a working single parent and wash many pairs of soiled pants in boiling water on a regular basis as well as wrestle the whole toilet issue constantly which can be exhausting.

Does your son have something he really enjoys? A book or a game or an ipad or something, that you can restrict to being used only during toilet times? This can be a good motivator for keeping them on there for longer.

Obviously I’m not an expert else I’dve cracked it by now but we have ups and downs, my son has a slow motility so takes him a lot longer to digest things than normal, so we have to vary his medication which is a juggling act. I have to say he’s pretty good with the movicol but I’ll often mix it with something he really likes which encourages him to take it.

[Holly18 in reply to Lktoday]

Hi just to say we are going through very similar. My son is 3 and half and will wee fine on the toilet but will do anyThing he can to stop himself from going for a poo. He will hide from me and cross his legs and as soon as I take him to the toilet the urge has gone. Trying to do regular toilet sits with I pad as treat but not always successful.

My son will only take Movicol mixed with squash and it has to be quite strong.

Very hard to keep patient and i too very often feel at my wits end .

Lots of good advice on here x

[Robinia]

My son is on chocolate movicol now as he has to drink so much, maybe you could ask your GP to prescribe that to try? Deffo agree with getting referral to continence service ASAP via the GP, good luck

Ps pls don’t blame yourself. We’ve all been there, on and off wracked with guilt for what we have and haven’t done. Stay positive ☺️

[Trascal]

Morning I’ve been at my wits end too with my daughters soiling and totally understand with what you are going through!

Agree with all the other comments having support around you through your gp, child constipation clinic at your local hospital, school/nursery etc does help things!

We had to change things with our daily lifestyle to get a regular toilet routine established which was hard. This included speaking to anyone involved in looking after my daughter e.g school, grandparents etc to let them know about the soiling and toilet routine so they could do it too or at least the school were aware to allow extra breaks for the toilet when needed

Every child is different and I’ve had to work with my daughter to find out what she enjoys to get her to sit on the toilet after a meal - we’ve done colouring in, reading a book, games including I spy! All of these I’ve stayed with her to show her that the toilet is not scary and building up her confidence to stay on the toilet! We’ve done the toilet routine every day since may last year to the point now where it’s just as part of the normal day as brushing your teeth! Now she sits on her own in the bathroom with her amazon kindle she doesn’t want me any there anymore but it’s a small step in improvement

Is your son comfortable sitting on the toilet? This was a problem with my daughter so we have a soft padded toilet seat and footstool for her - you can get ones with their favourite cartoon on e.g paw patrol/frozen

I was so glad to find this forum and the Eric charity to see that I wasn’t alone! My daughter still has relapses so not out of the woods yet but knowing that others are going through the same helps

Hope things get better for your son

Xx