Finally accepted i have Endo - moving on with my life!

I'm not sure where to start really, i had suspected i had endo for a few years.. and finally got diagnosed through Lap last May.. before i was properly diagnosed with this i became really depressed as i knew that something wasn't right but no one was listening to me, all i heard off people was "it will be nothing try not to worry" and the doctors said "no way your too young to have endo" (i knew full well that was a LIE!! so i demanded a lap to get a final diagnosis.. and my suspicions were confirmed.. not to my surprise by any means.. but i finally had a real 100% answer to my symptoms.. i was half relieved that i had finally been listened to and people now knew that i was right but i was also devastated as i was worried about what to do next and how it would affect me fertility wise etc as when i was 19 i became pregnant unexpectedly, but lost the pregnancy.... in November last year i had a cancer scare too and all the worry and anger and upset finally blew up and i had a breakdown.. i was in a pretty bad way and the doctor referred me for counselling to deal with my loss from years back and also the fears about my future and never being able to conceive again and all i have thought about for the last few years is how i was so scared that i will never have a baby and that the one chance i had has been and gone.. my sessions start next month.. until then i have been on a low dose Antidepressant's just to lift my mood so i could try and get myself out of the rut that i was in. i was off work for some weeks and went back to work in January.. the time off really did help me just to get my head back together without the added stress of work and trying to put on a front for my colleagues.. i could just be with my family who all helped me get back to a good place.. the last few months i have been the happiest i have been for a while, i think i had just spent so long worrying every day and every night that it just became normal to me, although it was exhausting. i am so much more relaxed at the moment and somehow have learned to accept that i have this condition and although it does cause me pain and may cause me issues with conceiving down the line, i refuse to let it rule my life. I only get one life and i don't want to spend it like i have the last few years constantly worrying about the past and the future.. i have always wanted to foster/adopted children in the future as well as having my own, for years i have been worrying that i will never be able to have kids.. and if the worst case scenario happens and i wasn't able to have my own children in the future, i would still really like to foster or adopt children, because as much as i want a family of my own one day, there are also children out there who need a family too! so at the moment i'm just living my life day by day and enjoying it.. i think part of my new way of thinking is having my cancer scare last year too.. its made me look at things in a new light and realise that endo is a part of my life.. but its certainly not the end of it...

Hope everyone is doing ok

xx

8 Replies

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  • I am so glad you are feeling better. We really do go through the stages of grief when we get diagnosed. I know I did. I wrote a similar post when I got to the "acceptance" phase and it was such a relief.

    Good for you xx

  • Thanks so much for reading and commenting :) im glad you have also got to a better place and able to move on :) xx

  • Beautiful blog :) Excellent attitude towards the endo etc problems, I'm at the same boat, having a life, travelling, going out etc and yes there are and there will be bad days too.

    "She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails". ;)

    Its only one life and we have to accept, fight and move on and find all these nice little moments that makes us complete.

    I agree 100% about the adoption, this is one of my plans too :)) xxx

  • Hi, I'm glad you are trying to keep positive, I'm sure a cancer scare did make you want to make the most of life. I can totally relate to you, I had a miscarage year's ago and now know I can't have kids naturally which has come as a big shock along with being diagnosed with endo my tubes need removing. I have been feeling like I'm constantly waiting.... Waiting for appointments, waiting for lap, waiting to feel better after the lap, waiting for pain to ease, nowwaiting for follow up appointment to find out what happens next. Waiting to get the facts before me and my husband can discuss our options of children or not. I have also always liked the idea of adopting and not sure I could cope with IVF if its possible or going through not getting pregnant or another miscarage. I've spent the last few days thinking to myself I need to stop waiting and putting my life on hold as the pain is definitely not going and I need to get on with life! Easier said than done but I've got another month till next appointment and fed up of sitting here waiting for things to improve!

    After my lap the lady in the bed opposite had just had a hysterectomy to remove cancer and was so happy they'd removed it all that I keep telling myself it could be worse she was so positive after going through so much! I put a smile on everyday for work but inside I want to cry as I really have no idea what will happen next!

    It was nice to read your blog and here that you are improving and I'm glad you have found support to help you too.

    I will keep plodding on and I know I didn't deal with my miscarage well at the time it stays with you but I can say I find talking about it really helps so I'm sure councilling will really help and if you have children or adopt there are options for you to have a child one day x

    Thankyou for sharing and hope things continue to improve for you x

  • @JoJo777 - thanks for your comment.. i totally agree.. i am trying to enjoy my life as much as possible from now on.. im glad that you are also doing well.. :-) xx

    @LillyFlower - thank you for your reply.. i can totally understand where your coming from and how your feeling, i know i still havent properly dealt with my loss from years ago and i really think this counselling will help.. i never thought that i would feel happy again and there was times where i was at real low points, but i'm glad i kept going and finally got where i am now.. If you need to talk to anyone i am here to listen any time :-) xx

  • Hi thanks I think I still feel a bit numb from it all and think just wait to see doc, then I think I'm waiting again when will I just accept it and move on! So reading your blog helped because I know at somepoint ill except it and get on with life. I don't think I'm depressed but definitely having a low point but the only way is up!! I've always been a positive person but this is definitely harder to deal with than I thought. Before my op I just wanted answers and thought then I'd feel better and I'm glad I now know but now got to learn to deal with the endo and the baby issue. I definitely think councilling will help you and you may not have any issues with fertility in the future there are very happy stories on here and there's lots of fertility options too so there's plenty of hope to hold onto. I'm always happy to listen too xx thanks x

  • I understand hun.. i never thought i would get through when i was at my lowest.. but things will get better in time though so just hang in there and it will happen, in the meantime you have all us ladies on here to talk to about things if you need to.. this site helped me alot when i first joined.. everyone is so supportive xx

  • I can't move on and it still affecting me but not broody to have kids at all I don't to adopt as I am myself adopted... I'm always on my own and haven't been out almost over two years now but working all hours and counselling didn't help at all and I am not being positive at all and it get me down and I will refused to have antidepressant as don't want to get addicted to it which I was before and hate them.. but glad that u r moved on with this and good for u x

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