Is it the wrong decision?

Hi everyone,

I have been contemplating having children for a while now as my endo is getting very bad very quick (spread from womb to bowel in 2 months) The chances of me getting pregnant are getting low and the older I get, the less chance I'll have.

I am only just 17 (my birthday was 9th Feb) and I know I have my whole life ahead of me but I have wanted children since I was a little girl and I couldn't live without having the experience at least once.

Most of my family are ok with me starting now but I don't know if I'm ready just yet, perhaps in a year or something I'll feel more prepared. I don't have a job, my fiance doesn't have a job, we live with my parents and we have no income. My parents struggle as it is with funds but would having a child make everything more stressful and hard to deal with.

I REALLY want children and I would love to have them now, I really can't wait. But I don't have money, I don't have my own place, my room is tiny and has barely enough room for us let alone a possible child too.

I am in a catch 22 situation, I'm personally ready for a child but not financially ready. I want my child to have a good quality of life but then again, if I haven't got long to have a baby then should I even bother worrying about the financial side of it??

I'm just so confused and emotional, I don't know what to do for the best.

If anyone has any advice or could just talk to me then I would be more than happy. Personal experiences are also good to me. I don't want anyone saying they had treatment and it got better or that they had endo really bad but now have 3 kids or whatever because that's not what I'm saying or asking. I just want someone to say answer my question and perhaps build me up a bit. I've tried talking to family but they don't understand like you ladies do.

Thanks in advance to any help and sorry for the long post.

Leya :)

5 Replies

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  • Oh leya, what a hard decision to have to make for one so young. I can't answer your question, I doubt anyone can, it's ultimately your decision to have to make. All I can do is to tell you what my position is and let you decide if you're prepared to be where I am 15 years down the track! I'm 32 and have sever endo that has compromised my fertility. I am just about to start my first ivf cycle in a month or so. I have no other children and this is our only chance to have a family. But I am glad that I am doing this all now. I didn't find out I had endo untill my husband and I started trying for a family 3 years ago, despite me with the benefit of hindsight being able to look back Over the years of agony and say that I had had it since I was 16. However, if I had known I had it and felt like I had to have a family early I would have had a child or children with the wrong men. I've been engaged before, I've lived with a boyfriend before, but now I'm married to my husband I know that he is the right man for me to start a family with, if ivf doesn't work we'll adopt and that'll be fine. Obviously if I'd had children earlier I would love them and say that hey were the best thing that ever happened to me, but hen I wouldn't have travelled round south America for a year doing voluntary charity work.... I won't have run away with the circus ( yes I actually did!!!) and I probably wouldn't have met my now husband and love of my life. I'm not saying dont have kids now, I'm just saying that life has many paths for us to follow and if you decide that kids is he most important thing in the world for you, go for it, but also bear in mind that there are other ways to have a family, and there's also more to life as a woman than 'sprogging' as my dear husband puts it! You sound like an incredibly mature 17 who is aware of the practicalities of having a baby now. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you, and any future child or children you may have have be it in the near or distant. Please feel free to pm me anytime you want if you'd like to.

    Massive hugs xxx

    Ducky

  • Thanks Ducky,

    I will pm you now as I wanna just talk personal and I don't want a million people knowing the stuff I want to tell you but other feel free to help and I'll probably pm you too.

    Leya :) xxx

  • i had my child at age 19 and im sooo glad i did ,,coz i might not be able to have children now ,,and that would of killed me not been able to have children,i was born to be a mum and i wouldnt have it any other way,, the best thing i ever did was have my baby and nothing compares to carry your own baby and giving birth to your own baby that you created inside you its the most wonderful thing i women can ever do ,,and if you are lucky enough to be blessed with a chance to have a beautiful baby then i would take that chance stright away ,,,but everyones different and some people are happy with the smaller things in life holidays,new car ,new house ect ,, but for me as a women children are my life nothing in this world would ever compare to my babies,, im in pain everyday ,but i get up and smile at my beautiful daughter and i know ill get through the day coz i have her ,shes the one i get out of bed for every morning shes the one who keeps me going ,, to me if i hadnt of had my daughter i would of give up hope along time ago ,,shes the one that gives me strength to struggle on, the love for your baby is the strongest love ull ever feel for some one its unconditional xxxx

  • Thanks babypink, you've helped alot with my questions, its made my decision alot easier. I'm glad you managed to have a baby and I'm sorry you're still in pain everyday but seeing your baby's face every morning helps you get through the day, as you said. Thanks again, Leya xxx

  • im very blessed to have my girl,, and they isnt a minute that dont go by that i tell my self how lucky i am,, my heart goes out to these poor beautiful women that carnt have children ,, i dont know what that feels like but i do no what it feels like to lose a child and theys no worse a pain than that ,id of gave my baby boy my heart if it would of saved his life , so i know these ladys would give anything to be a mummy ,this disease causes alot of heart ache and its so un fair ,, you should not have to be put in these situations ,,xxx

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