After being messed around by my previous gynae for ages and ages I finally managed to get a referral to a new team (endo centre). I do trust that these guys know what they are doing. Here is the thing: I have a nodule of endo on my bladder. The bladder is the worst part of all this for me. I have pain and continence issues which make my life less than happy. So, they are keen to do a second lap and remove the endo from the bladder, but they want me to have three months of GnRH injections before they do. But, I would frankly rather take arsenic than the GnRH. The gynae is saying that they may do the operation, and then find that they can't remove the nodule because it is too vascular and then we will have to go through the whole thing again. I kind of feel that it may be worth taking that risk, though, because I just can't get my head around having the injections.
The reasons: well, firstly because I have a stressful situation at work that is so bad that I am close to not coping. It is a horrible boss situation and we are a tiny company. There is no HR or anyone else that I can turn to. I cannot afford to lose my job, so I have to shut up and keep going at the moment. If my hormones go all over the place and I lose my temper with this man, I am going to be out of a job, or he will simply increase the vindictive behaviour. I just can't deal with more!
Secondly, I honestly believe that the GnRH injections do real damage. Emotional and physical damage. I have a friend who had to have them for breast cancer and she has had joint and leg pain since, even long after stopping. There are many, many people who have ongoing tiredness and issues long after stopping. So, I keep trying to work out if it is worth taking the risk that there could be long-term damage.
Also, I just feel in my deepest heart of hearts that this is something I do not want to put in my body. Every cell is screaming at me. I feel like a child that being dragged into the doctors', screaming and crying and begging. Ok, lots of drama and massive over-reaction there, but I don't know how to stop feeling that way. And if I do feel that way, should I be saying to my body to just shut up because doctor knows best? I am not sure if that is the right thing to do. They are pressuring me though. They are saying that 'if you don't do this, the surgery will probably not be successful, and you don't want to have to do it again, do you?' - and so on.
I don't know what to do. I am not sure anyone can help me, but I needed to share. I am running this around and around in my head and driving myself nuts.