i really need to vent off, well not even vent off, just have a big moan. I have had my fourth and final prostap injection over 3 weeks ago. My pain symptoms had practically gone finally after 3 months of waiting, today though all that has reverted back to its old ways and an awful lot worse.
My dad had surgery on his neck this Wednesday just gone, he is already paralysed from the waist down and the surgery on his neck was to prevent his arms going the same way. After surgery unfortunately his left arm was lost to us, he had no feeling or movement in it, thankfully today he managed to lift his thumb and wiggle a few fingers, we were beyond elated to say the least. That was at this afternoons visiting so its safe to say i couldnt wait to go back this evening to see him do it again. Thanks to this stupid disease ive been unable to go. I am doubled over, i struggled to drive home from my parents less than half hour ago and their house is literally 3mins from mine.
Last night I went out to a bar with a very good friend, we sat on sofa's so i didnt have to stand on my heels but could enjoy the music and drink. we got in just before 3am and got to sleep at half 6 due to special cuddle time. I was aching after as usual so thought here we go again (im so used to it that i just put it to the back of my mind) but no not today, 8hours later i could just about hide the pain, he felt awful, 12 hours later i am walking like an OAP. i dont go out from month to month - I am 24 and shouldnt have to think i cant live my life because of this stupid disease. I have shed a few tears and im not a teary person. Its killing. On top of it i think i have a water infection and have nothing in my house except water and squash which 3 pints later hasnt helped
I feel awful that i couldnt go and see my dad, my parents are sympathetic but its just not fair, yes i am throwing my toys out the pram but im in that frame of mind. I have a dog and usually i walk him for hours when im having a down moment but down moment + severe pain = feeling sorry for one self. My stomach has also become so swollen. Ive always been a size 8/10 with a washboard stomach which is all thanks to my gymnastics days, i am currently sat with my back up size 14 pj trousers on as my normal ones are too tight. The pain is just, well words cant describe it. its like someone is pulling it in all directions, its a dull ache but extremely greater than normal combined with shooting and sharp pains on both sides. When i walk it sends me through the roof.
anyway, i will leave it there, im going to watch beauty and beast to try to cheer me up.
Thank you for reading/listening, i know none of it makes sense and is all gobble-dee-gook, lol. I hope the rest of you are doing something more exciting on a saturday night xx