After surgery, my body doesn’t feel like mine

[KFitzWoof]

hi everyone. I was wondering if anybody else felt the same. I had my first laparoscopic surgery and treatment for endo across my ovaries, bladder, pouch of Douglas (stupid name), utero sacral ligaments and womb. I had the surgery back in August last year and it’s only now that I feel my abdominal area is recovered enough to return back to the gym.

However, since surgery, my body has changed a lot. I’m gathering fat across my belly which I’ve never had, my waist and hips have changed. As ive not been able to exercise (I had bad runners knee and pain from endo in my hips, lower back and thighs) I’ve been trying to eat healthily, do light stretching and slowly build up my walking distance. But now I’m struggling with accepting my ‘new body’. I know it’s different and I’m so grateful for it taking me through life and being resilient but I’m really struggling with my self image. Since my surgery, I’ve also developed dark purple circles under my eyes, more weight on my neck and my lips are so pale than they used to be. I lost the colour in my lips post surgery for a few weeks after.

I can’t wear make up too often either because my skin is sensitive and I have blephiritis so my eyes get infected easily. I’m trying to do more skincare and self care moving forward to see if that helps at all but I just look like a Blobfish.

I dunno what I’m looking for but if anybody has any advice to learn how to love your new self or trying to rebuild confidence?

For clarity, I don’t care about being thin, medium or large. My relationship with my body isn’t about that, it’s just doesn’t feel like me anymore or good enough or attractive. My boyfriend is amazing and supportive but my inner voice is just horrid.