Just awful

[LauRAa-1]

It's honestly so distressing that things never seem to improve.

I am always managing pain and symptoms, I feel old before my time. I feel like this has been my life.

I against all prior medical advice even attempted the mini pill recently, this just made me massively ill, people were asking me to stop taking it, but I kept saying itll need to settle I need to give it a chance, then even the doctor said just stop that isnt ever going to work for you. Which then rules out any other hormonal contraception, which tbf are a massive risk to my health anyway because of other health risks, but at this point I felt like I'm sitting on a fence and theres crocodiles one side , lions the other and I had to prioritise one side of my health and try something, it didnt pay off, I feel awful, now for multiple reasons.

I'm actually pretty decent at being "ok" the majority of the time, but the fact that I barely sleep and I have to position myself specifically to try and aid pain relief at all times, the fact that I cant just feel "ok" EVER is really getting to me.

I actually dont see that I ever will and that's a pretty daunting thought isnt it. It's not who I feel I am. I'm a busy person, always active, so why is my body blocking me from being me.

Anyway I'm ranting on here cos I dont want to rant in the real world, then people would think I'm a miserable mare and that's not helping anyone, best to do it in a faceless place, where it can be forgotten.

[Purple_Badgers]

Yep! Feels impossible to cope with sometimes, hopeless, relentless and with awful choices to make… damned if you do, damned if you don’t… gah! 😖

[Cailleach]

I can only say, I completely empathise with this. It’s hard to accept that who you were is not who you are now, and not to know if and how you can get back there, Don’t know if you have thought about counselling, as a safe space to express all this and maybe get your thoughts in order? Depends if you can afford it, or can get an NHS referral. A lot of counselling seems to be available online at the moment, sadly I have decided I can’t afford it right now. Xx