Feeling awful today

My back is so painful today and sleeping is proving to be a massive problem. I'm just exhausted all the time and feel as though I'm always moaning about it. I can see in my husbands face that he's getting very frustrated with me. We are also waiting still to see if we are getting funding for IVF as we can't concieve naturally and we have been waiting to hear for ages. I keep following it up only to be told they haven't heard anything yet and I know this is frustrating my husband a great deal. It's so painful to actually have sex that we haven't done so in about a month and I know this is also getting to him. I just feel as though I'm letting him and everyone down and don't really know what to do. I'm not making it up- I am genuinely in pain and finding things very difficult but it seems as though I'm not being believed sometimes as I get frustrated looks from him all the time. His Mum is also constantly asking about it and it's such a hard thing to talk about with your MIL anyway. My Mum is currently in hospital at the moment too so she has been my priority at the moment as she's so poorly but I'm still being asked by the husband and his Mum what's happening about the IVF every five minutes like its me who sorts it all out. Sorry about the massive rant I'm just finding things difficult at the moment probably because I'm not sleeping well and it heightens any worries.

8 Replies

  • Hey, no wonder your exhausted! You are dealing with a lot of stress at the moment and not sleeping will just add to the misery. It's difficult when things get on top of you, I've learned not to be so hard on myself and not take on too much, easier said than done sometimes, but it really does help.

    I went through 3 months of counselling to help me cope and it really helped me. I learned to accept this is the way it is, I'm not the same person I was before this all started. I'm not perfect, no-one is. I'm less hard on myself now.

    I also learned to be honest with people and speak my mind a bit more.

    I hope get better soon for you. x

  • Hello, sorry to hear our poorly your mum is and what you are going through, my husband and I had a moment the other day so I decided to show him one of my posts, trying to get people to understand is difficult, try to find some Good litreture to show you mil and hubby, articles can be found on here somewhere, and sometimes finding something that relates to you makes people realise that what your saying is the truth because others are dealing with the same,

    I'm the same with sex and moaning, lol,

    Fortunately I'm sleeping much better now ive changed my pain killers, what do you take,?

    Perhaps you could try a gentle natural sleep easer, we all need sleep and when your ill and stressed it's the best thing for us, so try to concentrate on getting that right, good foid and plenty of water helps, although that's easy said than done, shopping and cooking a good meal isn't easy some days I know,

    I hope you and your mum all the luck in the w orld,


  • Thank you so much for your messages- I really appreciate it! I know I do take a lot on as my husband constantly tells me I'm doing too much and to learn to relax but I never seem to have time to. I'm self employed so I never stop when it comes to work and the relatives are expecting me to keep everyone informed with what's going on with Mum- which I totally get and understand but after you've done the fifth phone call it's getting somewhat draining and they don't all know about my issues as you know it's a hard thing to talk about. The doctor tried me on various pills for pain and to shorten the bleed and to reduce the flow (keep flooding) but I reacted really badly with them so had to come off them. I've basically now been left to my own devises. I can take paracetamol and cocodomel but that's my lot. I've developed more and more allergies as it goes on- seems crazy. I can't eat wheat,gluten or soya and seem to react to lots of creams etc. I said to my husband this morning my backs so bad today and he just says well go to the doctor then along with are you phoning the fertility clinic today- I don't think he means to but it does seem that having a child is way more important than me being well- again that's probably my tiredness talking! Thanks again for listening- so lovely to know I can vent on here xx

  • Hi, have you thought of creating a phone chain to save you some stress? I thought it might help a bit. Just ask each of your relatives to phone one of them so they can pass it on and so forth.

    I empathise with you though, pain is the most debilitating thing to suffer with. I do wish you well.

    Maybe you should just sit your hubby down and tell him how the constant questions are making you feel more stressful? Just explain that with your mother in hospital, it's too much pressure to take at this time. Perhaps he will understand a but mire and he can ask his mum to ease off a bit for now?

  • Hi - sorry things are tough. I'm self-employed too and it is difficult to stop when you have your own work, a family and your mum poorly too. I hope you can get a bit of rest and downtime - I kinda collapse in the evenings, but I'm not struggling with too much pain, but I have the allergies things too - very restricted diet, can't touch detergents.

    I just wanted to say I had IVF 8 years ago and my daughter is now 7. It's a really really tough thing to go through. As nannyjules said you can ask the family to not ask about it as it is making it even more stressful - when there is news you will tell them. (PS also when I had my treatment I told family that we couldn't test until 3 weeks after the procedure - its 2 but it kept the pressure off then too!). But it was so worth it.

    Sending you big hugs.


  • Thanks so much- yes I have been trying to do the phone chain but I am still getting texts/emails asking me what's going on with Mum as they want to know straight after procedures are done etc. I love of course that they care so much but it is draining. I've tried telling the husband that the IVF talk is stressing me out and now his Mums asking and he just said well we've been waiting ages and we want to know what's going on- I did get a bit snappy and say well it's the last thing I'm even thinking about with Mum being so I'll she's the priority at the moment- I don't think that went down well me snapping at him. I do feel guilty getting stroppy with him but I can't help it as he just doesn't seem to be thinking at the moment. I will definitely once the IVF starts I will not tell family correct dates etc- that sounds a great idea as we can really digest what's going on then before having to talk to family. My MIL likes to tell the entire family what's going on at all times so I've no doubt they all know what's going on- even one of his elderly Aunts questioned how I was really the other week! It's all very awkward when that happens- I just have to act my socks off and say yes everything is great etc etc and not mention being poorly or fertility problems at all. I must say its lovely to hear that you have a daughter after having IVF. I also appreciate you saying about he allergies as well, I'm sorry you have the reaction to things but it's comforting (if that's the right word) to hear someone else has the same thing. It's an ongoing joke within the family that I'm the one thats allergic to the world, it's all said and taken in jest I hasten to add. Thanks so much everyone I do feel so much better after talking to you- it just makes me feel that someone is in my corner and understands. Hugs to all xx

  • Hi - click on my username and read my first post on endo and its many symptoms to explain the allergies. Most people with endo have any amount of them as endo is an autoimmune condition of the immune system. I should copy this and give it to your husband to read.

    In your post you have not mentioned your endo. That should really be your main priority. I have looked at your last post and see that you had a lap and had endo and adeno confirmed but little was done besides ablating the endo and telling you having a baby was the answer. Oh, and telling you you needed counseling as you obviously have a problem with sex! I am left speechless so often with how you poor girls are still being treated.

    You sound strong and really need to put yourself first rather that worrying about how this affects others. I know it's hard but rather than pretending to be well when you are not can you perhaps just sit them down and give them information to read and explain that not only do you need support in the medical conditions you are dealing with, but you need to be 'allowed' to have them without feeling guilty about how it affects their lives and desire for you to provide a baby. Your family must start seeing you as a whole person that needs support and not just as a baby producing machine.

    When was the lap and where was the endo? Can you have a look at my post on Pouch of Douglas endo post in view of the fact that you have pain in sex and let me know what symptoms you have. It can often be difficult to separate endo and adeno symptoms.

    Have a look at this useful site on adenomyosis:



  • Thank you so much for your reply Lindle- I will have a read through. Forgive my tardy response- We've had some bad news with Mum so we've been all focusing on that and praying for some good news.

    My lap was done last year in Sept and the endo was found in the womb along with the adeno which I was told was blocking my tubes and was the size of an 8 week pregnant lady.

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