Undecided on Lap

[nicole_44]

Morning Ladies,

Hope you're all well. I have my pre-op assessment this week and should have my Op date a few weeks following this. The more i think about it the more i am talking myself out of having the operation for Endo diagnosis.

Im worried that I will have the Op and it will come back all clear with no Endo. If this happens i really dont know how i will explain my time off to work, the pain and moaning to my family and the cancelled events to my friends. Im scared it will come back clear and all this pain will literally have just all been in my head and im going to look ridiculous.

I'm so worried that there will be nothing wrong with me and I'm just going to have to deal with and live with this pain. Is it worth having the OP, having the scars, the risk associated and more time off work if there isnt anything wrong? I also dont want to waste hospital time over nothing.

Basically starting to think that i'm better off with no diagnosis than to know for sure that nothing is wrong with me and that i just cant handle pain that every other woman can handle. Dont get me wrong i dont want Endo but i want to have a reason to feel the way I do, if that makes sense..

Have any of you ever felt like this in the weeks up to their Lap date?

Thanks so much for reading, i appreciate any advice! x

[EndoSLD]

So many of us feel like this and I suppose to some extent it's become normal. I convinced myself on the day of the op that I was wasting hospital time as well as my own and the thought of having to tell people there's nothing wrong filled me with embarrassment! How sad is that? That we doubt our own feelings and pain? They wouldn't recommend that you have a laparoscopy if they didn't have good reason to believe you needed one. Please trust yourself. I am so relieved that I went through with it, I got my diagnosis and for the first time, my pain had an explanation and validation. It was like being handed a certificate to say I was officially sane! If for any reason it came back negative, I was prepared to completely rule that out and begin exploring other possibilities for my pain. Trust me when I say that it's the "not knowing if it is or isn't" that is worse than a yes or no answer. I've felt that for years and it can have a very detrimental effect on your mental health and wellbeing. I hope you get your answers soon and I hope that you manage to feel calm and confident leading up to your operation. Take care 😊

[nicole_44 in reply to EndoSLD]

Thank you so much for your reply. It has been really helpful and comforting. Its nice to know that you aren't alone with the way you feel.

The worry is just over-whelming and its quite sad that im praying i have a condition that i wouldn't wish on anybody just to prove my sanity and prove that i am actually ill! I really do feel like to have a point to make to people who have doubted me and the thought of embarrassment over nothing being wrong is so scary!

I just want answers for the past 6 years of pain.

So glad you got the answers you needed. I hope you're doing well! :-_

thanks again xx

[EndoSLD in reply to nicole_44]

The proving a point to people thing is a major issue for me too! I still to this day (with a concrete diagnosis) feel misunderstood and feel like people don't understand the impact that the diagnosis has on us all. I too wanted to be told that I had this condition so I had an explanation for the years of pain and dismissive attitude of multiple doctors. Sadly after the confirmation it hit me pretty hard that this is a major thing that I have to deal with going forward. But the more knowledge I gain about the condition, the more prepared I am to deal with it. Just know that everything you're feeling is natural and you're certainly not alone. There's a lot of us to support you. ☺💕x

[nicole_44 in reply to EndoSLD]

Thats so kind of you- thank you so much, it really means a lot.

Its sad that we feel like we have to prove how ill we really are. Its a hard enough battle to face without people doubting you! I found it a lot with employers and colleagues who reminded me monthly that everybody gets periods but it dosent warrant a day off work each month! I feel like i need these answers to show them that i dont just have 'period pains'

So sorry you have gone through something similar, its a real confidence knocker. Its great that so many people are actually able to understand what you're going through.

How long ago did you have your lap?

xx

[EndoSLD in reply to nicole_44]

Completely understand...the colleagues and employers are really tough to convince. They have rolled their eyes whenever I've made a hot water bottle and struggled to understand when I haven't made it in to work when my period knocks me for six. Trying to explain endometriosis and the laparoscopy was like trying to explain algebra to a five year old. They really don't want to hear about it and I can't be bothered to fight to prove myself anymore. Although I wish they would understand how much pain I've been in for four months solid and how I've struggled to face the day most of the time! Dreading my return, I'm still so emotional. My laparoscopy was exactly two weeks ago. First week was rough but a lot of that was due to my anxiety and panic attacks. (Just to add to my list of ailments haha) a couple of people around you who care and support you are worth a million times more than the people who are ignorant and lacking compassion. Plus, there's always everyone on here. I'd have gone mad without the online support and info xx

[nicole_44 in reply to EndoSLD]

Wow i'm really sorry you have had such a crappy time trying to prove how you feel! It sounds like you work with people that just aren't willing to listen and understand! I think you have done the best thing in just not letting it bother you and not fighting to prove it anymore- its exhausting!

Hopefully my Lap date won't be too far away and i wont have time to talk myself out of it!!

Hope you are recovering well.

This site is great, it really stops you from feeling alone and alienated..Thanks again xx

[EndoSLD]

You owe yourself some answers, I know it's scary but like I said, not knowing is way more awful. I hope you get sorted quickly! You'll be fine! Lots of luck 🍀😊💕

[nicole_44 in reply to EndoSLD]

Thank you lovely. Take care xx

[Fran84]

I know how you feel....I felt like that once before I had a lap done. I have had 4 laps and 3rd one showed nothing at all so had no answers....but then I had another over a year ago and it showed a very small inactive amount....but now I'm suffering loads again but now I'm on the prostap injections and then looking at a hysterectomy but I'm happy with that as can't stand having periods anymore and the pain to go with it. Hope u have ur date come through soon and they sort u out x

[nicole_44 in reply to Fran84]

Thanks so much for your response. It's comforting to know im not the only one feeling the way I do! It's awful to constantly doubt yourself and think you must be going crazy! Not sure what steps to take if the op comes back clear

Glad you got the answers that you needed- hoping my date comes through soon! I rang them today and they said i will be looking at May or June time. Seems so far away!!

Thanks again, take care xx

[Fran84 in reply to nicole_44]

I have doubted myself numerous times and even said to my hubby that I must just be imagining it but he keeps telling me I'm. Not and it's really so that makes me feel a little better.

It is horrible though when all u seem to feel is poorly all the time.

That does seem to be a long time but fingers crossed you will get done before that. Such big waiting lists all the time. Wishing u all the best x

[nicole_44 in reply to Fran84]

Its sad to realise how many people actually doubt the pain they are in! If only there was an easier way to diagnose than a Lap.

I will keep you updated when i get a date.

Thanks so much x