Maid of honour dilemma! : Hi ladies, I know... - Endometriosis UK

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Maid of honour dilemma!

Aurora20 profile image

Hi ladies, I know what the answer to this is but I just thought I would ask what some else thinks.

I am planning on coming off the pill in September to start trying for a baby (gyno says I need another op but she wants me to try anyway before).

It’s my friends wedding next July and she’s just made me maid of honour. And now I’m thinking if I end up getting pregnant (which will be a miracle) all the planning for the hen party, wedding etc I won’t be able to do depending on how I feel. And she’s already got a few friends that are pregnant and are not coming to the hen and she got upset about that. I feel like I’m letting her down but at the same time I need to think about my situation (and she knows my situation). Do I put baby plans on hold or just try?

Would be nice just to hear your thoughts xx

17 Replies

Hi Aurora, in your heart of hearts you probably know the answer already… your health, happiness and fertility are as important as anyone else’s. If your friend thinks her hen party is more important than than those things, is she even your friend at all?? Perhaps she would be kind enough to have two hen parties? One crazy drunken one, if she really must, and one sober preggy-lady get-together? Do what you need to do, chat with her about it if poss. If I were the bride, I’d be mortified to think of someone putting their life on hold for me! Hope it all works out. Much love xxx

Thank you for your reply! Your right I do know the answer but for some reason I just feel so guilty especially as she’s made me maid of honour such a huge responsibility! To be honest I haven’t actually told her I’m planning on trying soon, so maybe that’s a conversation I need to have with her so she’s not shocked if it happens. Thank you xxx

You already know! Health first always! Hopefully your friend is understanding of your situation, otherwise the 'friendship' is questionable. Your friend may initially be upset, but they are not living your life or journey.Good Luck!!

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to Sunsetsss

I know so true and the more I think about it, anyone else would probably do the same! Thank you 😊

I’d go for it and start trying for sure! Obviously everyone is different but to reassure you, my sister was 8 months pregnant at my wedding and 7 months at my hen party, she still loved it and enjoyed herself, helped plan etc and was the last one on the dance floor 😅

I’m sure she’ll be so happy for you and you could maybe plan a low key part of the hen with a nice spa day or something and then for the night out, get away early and tucked up in bed with your bump! The other bridesmaids could help with all the planning too x

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to b_bart88

That’s amazing 😂 good for her!! We are actually doing a spa day so that would be perfect for me and your right the night out il leave that to them, or I might even be there with the bump 😉 thankfully they are all involved with the planning and I made sure just incase I have to hand it over to them x

b_bart88 profile image
b_bart88 in reply to Aurora20

Ah lovely, you’ll be able to have a nice relax and a pregnancy massage then if all goes to plan with trying 🙌

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to b_bart88

I hope so 🤞🏼

Bless you, I understand you don’t want to disappoint your friend but you need to think clearly about this. Wouldn’t it be a nice problem to have if you got pregnant soon! It took me 4 years, including 2 operations and a round of IVF. If it were a question of delaying trying for a month or two that would maybe be reasonable to consider, although I would still caution against it, but that’s not what would be involved from the sound of it. This is something of utmost importance in your life, and you can’t plan it around your friend’s wedding. If she is your friend she will understand. And besides, even if every friend of hers is pregnant she will still be marrying the love of her life in front of all of her family and friends, she’ll be fine. It doesn’t really matter about the hen do or the MoH. xx

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to wanwood

That’s what I’m worried about, if I delay it and then it’s too late and I will regret that for the rest of my life. I don’t want that kind of regret. Yes your right at the end of the day forget the hen do she’s marrying who she loves and that’s what’s important. And if she can’t see that then that her problem clearly xx

Honesty go for it. Life doesn't stop for other people because someone is getting married. My maid of honour was heavy pregnant at my wedding, we had to get a new dress for her. I've been heavy pregnant at other people's. For one I had a tiny baby I had to feed in the most incompatible bridesmaid dress. I had to hide and strip off 🤣 my husband had to come and stay nearby on the hen weekend I'd organised so I could meet up and feed my daughter every 3 hours. It was tricky at the time but all quite funny years later.

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to Gardenist

😂😂 exactly you just do what you need to do and just make it work! It just the letting someone down that’s stresses me out but at the end of day I come first and I will still be there for her

Hi, I would put yourself first, as your friend she should be accepting and understanding. Your health and fertility should come first, hopefully it’ll happen straight away for you but you don’t want to look back and have regrets if you decide to wait and then have trouble conceiving xx

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to ZiggyandBC

Exactly that’s completely right, I’m worried if I do put it on hold I will live with a huge regret that I didn’t start when I could have or like you said it I have trouble conceiving. It’s hard because when people are not in your situation they don’t really understand but unfortunately she will just have to xx

ZiggyandBC profile image
ZiggyandBC in reply to Aurora20

That’s worst case scenario but sometimes you have to weigh it up. My endo has blocked my tubes so I’ll need IVF and I always wonder if I’d have been able to concieve if I’d have started trying a bit earlier. I hope your friend understands and supports you ❤️

Aurora20 profile image
Aurora20 in reply to ZiggyandBC

I’m sorry to hear that, I hope this journey goes as well as it can for you 😘 You really do and it’s such a tough one as you never know how your body is going to be in these situations. Thank you ❤️

ZiggyandBC profile image
ZiggyandBC in reply to Aurora20

Thank you lovely, I hope you have your little one with no problems too 💖

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