Anyone else ever worry for their future?

[Amywoodx]

Hey everyone, just wanted to have a little rant as I thought surely I'm not the one one who feels like this. For the past year and a bit I've been experiencing pain and I had a laparoscopy on the 21st September which unfortunately seems to have made things worse and I fear that adhesions are forming. No endo was found but just an omental adhesion to my ant abdominal wall. I'm not sure whether I'm healing or it's adhesions Again but it's an awful feeling.

I'm constantly worrying about my symptoms, whether they're going to get worse or better, every day I feel sick to my stomach with worry and most nights I can't sleep due to pain but also the added worry. I'm so sick of it. 2 months before my laparoscopy things were getting a little better for me and things were starting to look up. even pain wise I was doing much better. But after going for my lap, I feel like I'm back at the very beginning of my awful journey. They found an omental ahdesion to my abdominal wall and removed it. Not sure where the adhesion came from as I haven't had any previous surgeries.

I'm a 23 year old uni student who should be having a good time right now and it sucks to be in so much pain. I'm watching my friends live pain free lives and they're able to just do what they want whenever they want. It sounds selfish but I look at people around me and think "what have I done to deserve so much pain when there's people out there that are pain free" I constantly worry about the future, finding a boyfriend, having children etc. Constantly scared that nobody will want to be with someone like me, someone who is always in pain and faces the possibility of being infertile due to adhesions. I'm constantly worrying about even getting pregnant in the future. Of course I want to have kids but the thought of it absolutely terrifies me. Everything is looking so dull and gloomy and every night I spend crying in bed because I wish I never went for my laparoscopy as it seems to have made things worse. I'm scared that I'll forever be dependent on my parents help in life and my pain will never go away, which won't allow me to move on and live the way I want. It doesn’t help that I’m always on the internet looking things up, searching symptoms, self diagnosing, making myself feel worse and finding worse case scenarios on the Internet too. I should stop doing that but it’s hard when you want answers and reassurance (however the reassurance turns into finding the opposite) I'm always thinking about life before I turned 21, when everything in life was stress free and I didn't have a clue what kind of ride I'd be in for that year.

[Sweeneythyca]

I felt every word you wrote...

I can offer little comfort regarding the laproscopy as I myself am scheduled for one in a few hours, I am however having serious doubts.

I can say though with other health issues I've got I totally relate to what you've said and know those feelings well.

You are overwhelmed with all those thoughts, and perhaps they are compounded by the current situation going on locally and globally. Life has changed quite dramatically.

You are probably still healing and recovering from your surgery, things will get better for you. Be kind to yourself, and rememeber you have time on your side. Take each day as it comes amd don't put too much pressure in yourself. Wishing you a speedy recovery xx

[Amywoodx in reply to Sweeneythyca]

Hi, how did the lap go? Hope it went well!

Thanks for your response - I do hope you’re right in terms of healing but then again I sometimes think that not much was done inside time to need healing so it concerns me a lot as it makes me think further adhesions are being formed which is just going to make the problem worse. Had I known this is something I would be facing I’d never have gone 😭 it sucks because it was getting a bit better 2 months before the lap and now I fear that I’m going to have to relive the entire journey all over again but worse. X

[Sweeneythyca in reply to Amywoodx]

Ughhh I know what you mean, it does seem like a gamble but we just have to deal the hand we have. I pray things get better for you. I am ok, lap went well.... feel like death of course, a bit sore but that's normal I understand. I feel sorry for my poor body, so much prodding poking and pulling. Time will tell if it was a good move, they removed lesions & polyps from womb but luckily they didn't find Endo which I am so grateful for.

I hope things get better for you soon xxxx

[Brambledoggy]

Morning. I believe in deeds not words. Read the book I recommend in my profile. You can buy on Amazon. I realise he’s a US expert but there are a tiny handful of surgeons in the U.K who have his attitude and can do this surgery for you. You’re too young to be feeling this way and there IS an answer. You need deep excision surgery by a top expert. Nothing else is going to help. Don’t ever let them tell you otherwise. No other operations will do I’m afraid....though looking at this site you’d think we’d have learned by now....the number of ineffective laparoscopies being undertaken depresses me on a daily basis. Myself included. Don’t be fobbed off, even by a so called expert. One day I decided to research, read, research, read some more. I spent months and months educating myself and found this book which tells you EVERYTHING an endo sufferer needs to know. One day attitudes will change, until then educate yourself and be able to ANSWER BACK!!!! #Girlpower! This book and his website will open your eyes and help you heal and is a tiny step to getting your life back on track. Nina.

[Milly2408]

I could have written this exact post a few years ago when I was also at uni, I know how you feel. I used to watch my friends going out whilst I was crippled in bed in pain for days on end, it's awful and you're allowed to feel frustrated and angry about it.

I had the same experience with my last lap, it made my pain and periods far worse sadly. I'm due to have another with a more specialised surgeon hopefully soon! It could be that it's just yours settling down after the op though I guess. It's such a difficult condition to treat and live with...

With the kids bit, there's so much they can do now and the NHS give you usually 3 rounds of IVF if you can't conceive in the future. Many women do conceive with endometriosis. I too used to worry about not finding a partner who understands, but I found one that does and who is supportive as much as he can be. He's taken me to appointments and helped me a lot when I've been in pain. I suppose the right person will understand

Hope you're doing OK, keep on at your GP if the pain isn't manageable too, one thing I've learned is not to be afraid of ringing them, totally valid when you have a chronic condition like we do!

[Amywoodx in reply to Milly2408]

I’m so sorry to hear that it really does suck. Especially when something like a laparoscopy makes it worse when it was supposed to help. I’m really annoyed because it sort it got better two months before I went for the lap and now I feel like it’s triggered the start of a very painful journey up for me again and it’s so scary. I don’t want to have to do it all over again. How long ago did you have your lap? X