This is a very long post so if you don’t read all of it I won’t be offended, maybe read first and last paragraphs for the short(ish) version.
My diagnostic laparoscopy is this Thursday and as I outlined in my previous post I have been incredibly nervous about the outcome. I am completely willing to accept that there is nothing visibly wrong with me if I feel that it has been observed by the right person - someone who I can trust to have looked properly - so I can walk away from this surgery without questioning for the rest of my life whether they maybe missed something. I was already concerned that my surgeon was not a endo specialist when I looked her up, and just general gynae. However today I was repeating the surgeons name in my head and something clicked. After rummaging through my hospital letters I confirmed that the surgeon was who I thought she was - the same woman who had given me one of my most upsetting and undermining consultations I have ever had 9 months ago.
When I saw this woman previously I was going through one of the worst periods of pain I had ever experienced and was at an absolute loss. During my consultation she told me there was no way I had endo because it hadn’t shown on ultrasounds, that the migraines I was talking about were simply headaches and I should know the difference, and then proceeded to say that my pain is due to being an ‘architecture student’ which is incredibly stressful (I am doing just fine despite my dehabilitating pain just to let you all know). Once she already had me in tears from pure frustration she then started digging up about my childhood suggesting that I had been abused or molested and that my pain was caused by PTSD (I had a mildly stressful upbringing with definitely no abuse). I left this consultation convinced that everything I had felt for the past 7 years was entirely in my head and rung my mum to say I’d been advised to go to stress management classes to which she set me straight again. This is a very physical pain, it is cyclical, I’ve had visible symptoms that something was not right. The gynaecologist assured me she’d see me in 6 weeks time to decide whether to go ahead with a laparoscopy - which she was convinced would find nothing - or to look at alternative treatment for my pain so I left there with nothing at all other than some more painkillers.
The worst few months of pain passed with 0 support, endless A&E visits and endless doctors appointments begging for my referral to be chased up and I heard nothing. When I finally read what the woman had written up following my appointment it said I was an ‘architecture student highly unlikely to have endometriosis’ and who had been put in for a surgery before but had it cancelled because my ‘pain didn’t warrant this’ (the surgeons were concerned I was too young and didn’t want to make scar tissue whilst my mum was desperate for me not to have it done). Since this letter not a single doctor has taken me seriously, and every appointment I walk into goes the same way where they say ‘you must be really stressed’ and ‘this must be making you feel very depressed’ and ‘how is this starting to affect your relationships’ before going down the same route of asking about my childhood, have I been molested (NO) and suggest putting me on amitriptyline. I have never felt so stuck or unheard or made to feel like a mental patient the way I have over the past few months. I break down and cry every time I see a doctor because I already know whats coming and this just adds to my reputation as a nut case. My record is probably absolutely appalling at this point and I have been painted as if I am utterly crazy.
6 months later I reached breaking point with my pain and rung about 10 different numbers until I finally got through to a gynae receptionist who confirmed I had never been put back on the referral list by the woman I saw. Hearing how distraught I was she put me in for an appointment in 5 days time with a different consultant who had me put through my pre-op on the same day. I have been preparing myself for my surgery ever since, doing everything to reassure myself, writing out lists of things to bring up in my consultation, making my mum book time of work to come and collect me from London afterwards, applying for time away from uni, changing dates of upcoming hand ins etc, all to find out that it will be this woman who is operating on me and I am devastated. My question now is - what the hell do I do. If I go through the surgery with this woman who I absolutely resent at this point and they find nothing, I will never fully believe the outcome as I have been so severely undermined and let down by her in the past. If I cancel it now or try to switch surgeons, no doubt I will have a great big red flag against my name and all the surgeons will talk amongst themselves or write in code in my notes to notify each other and I’ll probably feel like they all think I’m lying about my pain too. My best friends parents are surgeons and I know the talk that goes on in the background and I just feel utterly trapped.
I’m sorry for this ridiculously long post, my surgery is in 4 days and I am at a loss. Feel like calling up with a cold and cancelling the whole thing and never speaking to a doctor again in my life. If you got this far through this thank you so much and if anyone has any suggestions on how to get past this one I would be so grateful. I'm really unsure of who to contact and how to word things gently so it doesn't get taken the wrong way. I am pretty devastated and am beginning to lose trust in the system entirely.
Please help Need advice after lap 
Need some help
Some good news - Laparoscopy success!
Do I need a laparoscopy? 
