Confused about becoming a mother or not?

[Singitout]

I am 44 and have endo in my pelvis area and Douglas pouch. My specialist says that they would only start talking stages etc if I was trying to conceive. This is something I’ve never fully decided one way of the other, of late I have been thinking if I tried to get pregnant the long term issues may go away. I’m on the pill now to deal with the pain and side effects so I’m worried about stopping the pill and trying (if I decided to). What do we do? Go to the specialist and ask for a plan or just try? Worried about the symptoms messing up my life quality again, but if I was to have a baby the pain could be worth it in a way. I feel I’m controlled by my pill now as I have no problems after almost 17 years with this condition, (only diagnosed a year ago) so to stop it without back up I don’t know how else to do..... any others had the same problem ?

[bighug]

Hi, I too was diagnosed with endo in my 40’s, unfortunately it was masked by taking the pill for many years, until I stopped taking it! After finding out it was all over my pelvic area and womb, the endo specialist said the best option was a total hysterectomy (because I was 44) and my chances of getting pregnant were very unlikely. I had the hysterectomy last year and they were able to save my ovaries, only for the endo to come back 4 months later! I’m now waiting to have them removed, and I’m now back on the pill because like you it helped with the pain better than anything else. So my advice would be talk to a specialist and have a really good think about wether you want a family, it sounds like you might have a better chance than I had as your endo isn’t on your tubes or ovaries. I’m sure having a baby it will be worth it, you can always have a hysterectomy afterwards to stop it returning, or you might just regret not trying first. It’s a difficult decision I know, I found it really hard to go through with the hysterectomy just in the hope I might still have a chance at having a baby, even though I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. Sending you a big hug and hope it all goes well and your decision is the right one for you x

[Faybee87]

My question would be, how were you diagnosed? Have you had a laparoscopy? I've never wanted kids but when I went through the process of diagnosis and was told if I wanted them to try now, even I had a bit of a wobble, so I can empathise with the mental struggle of trying to decide. When there's still a possibility of it happening if you change your mind it feels very different to when that choice is being taken away from you. But then I think about my best friend who's going through hell with IVF, and my other friend who has endo and went through IVF several times and then adopted. And I think, there's no way I wanted them badly enough to go through all that. The latter friend was told that it was best to try as soon as possible after a laparoscopy as they've sort of cleaned you out so to speak, that's why I asked above.

I hope you get the support you need to figure it out. Xx

[Singitout in reply to Faybee87]

Thank you so much for your advice, I had an ultra sound first and they could see it but needed an mri scan to confirm it. I don’t know why it was done this way but I did go privately in the end as I needed to know as all doctors I saw wouldn’t investigate as I was over 30 and not trying to conceive when I first knew I had more than bad periods. I think taking is helping as you say I e never wanted children that much to go through pain and stress but like you say if you haven’t got the choice could be harder.

Kind wishes

[wanwood]

The chances for the average person to conceive at 44 using their own eggs are very low. For women at that age using IVF, it's around 2%. I think it would be fair to say that if you go for it, you should factor IVF into your considerations when asking your specialist, and also consider it emotionally and financially. Women sometimes talk about how physically difficult IVF is as well but in comparison with a life of endo and multiple surgeries etc I can't see how it can be as hard.

I would be surprised if your endo grew out of control after a few months or 6 months or maybe even a year. Best to be a little cautious, though. xx